(no subject)
There are so many things that I want to say but I can't think of how to put them. I have seriously restarted this entry 3 times and nothing good has come out of it yet. Shannon's entry really inspired me to write something.
I guess what I have to say is that everyone this year has changed. And you know what I think of it? I love it. People shouldn't feel like they have to be tied down to something because it is in their comfort zone. That is how I felt for a long time and you know where it got me? Nowhere. I thought..."I know my friends so well, that even if I wanted to make new ones I couldn't, because no one will understand me." That is not the case. I've made friends in the weirdest places this year. And those people are definately not like me, but I can still connect with them on a certain level. Being tied down to 3-4 people for so many years gets boring. Why wouldn't you want to get out and discover the joys of new people? I asked myself that question one day and I really didn't have a good valid answer. Which is why I expanded. And while I gained new friends, I realized that how much more I connected with them. Even more than some of my old friends. It was surprising, scary, and refreshing all at the same time. That was the breaking off point for me.
The decisions I've made thus far haven't exactly made me the happiest person in the world. Infact, I probably cry more because of what I've done more than any other time in my life. But it's what everyone goes through during their teenage years. Me and my dad talk about friendship/life all the time and he definately called me out on this whole situation. One day I was lost and alone in my room crying because I was afriad I would never see my friends again after highschool, and now I accept the truth. That truth is dirty, and ugly, and digusting..but it is the truth.
Shannon was so right in her entry when she said that your family is the one thing that you can count on forever. Who's going to take care of me and give me a place to stay when I'm an old homeless bag on the side of the road? Definately not Spruce. What about when I'm in financial debt up to my asshole? Spruce will NOT loan me the cash I need to make it on through.
I guess to conclude this entry I would like to say that this expirience is making me a stronger person. And probably more independent than I was before. I hold high hopes for the future.
-courtney
I guess what I have to say is that everyone this year has changed. And you know what I think of it? I love it. People shouldn't feel like they have to be tied down to something because it is in their comfort zone. That is how I felt for a long time and you know where it got me? Nowhere. I thought..."I know my friends so well, that even if I wanted to make new ones I couldn't, because no one will understand me." That is not the case. I've made friends in the weirdest places this year. And those people are definately not like me, but I can still connect with them on a certain level. Being tied down to 3-4 people for so many years gets boring. Why wouldn't you want to get out and discover the joys of new people? I asked myself that question one day and I really didn't have a good valid answer. Which is why I expanded. And while I gained new friends, I realized that how much more I connected with them. Even more than some of my old friends. It was surprising, scary, and refreshing all at the same time. That was the breaking off point for me.
The decisions I've made thus far haven't exactly made me the happiest person in the world. Infact, I probably cry more because of what I've done more than any other time in my life. But it's what everyone goes through during their teenage years. Me and my dad talk about friendship/life all the time and he definately called me out on this whole situation. One day I was lost and alone in my room crying because I was afriad I would never see my friends again after highschool, and now I accept the truth. That truth is dirty, and ugly, and digusting..but it is the truth.
Shannon was so right in her entry when she said that your family is the one thing that you can count on forever. Who's going to take care of me and give me a place to stay when I'm an old homeless bag on the side of the road? Definately not Spruce. What about when I'm in financial debt up to my asshole? Spruce will NOT loan me the cash I need to make it on through.
I guess to conclude this entry I would like to say that this expirience is making me a stronger person. And probably more independent than I was before. I hold high hopes for the future.
-courtney