you'll be the captain...and.. i'll be no one...
tonight...just now...i finished watching this movie called.. "minding the gap"... it was awesome... i suggest it... completely... it's about these 5 people... with problems... and.. in the end... just realizing ...that life is a bitch...but...it has it's really fucking awesome moments... and in the blur of it all... it's so true... like... the horrible-ness of my first love was completely wiped out by the wonderfulness of the second....the death of a friend... becomes easier to live with as it reminds you more and more... everyday... how much you love the others... circles... circles... over and over...
so... the night... always...has me thinking...deep... shadowed thoughts... so thick you could taste them... i mean.. i know that sounds strange...but..the night... is when parts of me... burst awake... and.. i can see things...truely... and...not so truely... maybe the night casts it's magic...and..gives me breathing room from the things i normally can't keep at bay...who knows... but... i remember nights at my parents house...i would stay up.. long past the hours my family kept... i would just...think... and..while i thought.. i would clip pictures from spin magazines and staple them to my walls...or i would... paint ... write... sometimes... i would cry... but as i look back... it was the loneliness... of being with one's thoughts... not being able to share ... no one to talk to... no mirror to reflect... that basic human need for companionship.... and... thinking of that now... just gives me this overwhelming...heart warming... grateful ... loving thanks...
thank you... every one that holds their place in my heart... for every time you listened... for everytime you laughed at my jokes...for everytime you brought me a biscuit when i was tripping balls out of my mind on acid... i truely wouldn't have made it without you...
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM AN ACTUAL NATIVE AMERICAN! (even though the small pox blanket thing was fucked up )
so... the night... always...has me thinking...deep... shadowed thoughts... so thick you could taste them... i mean.. i know that sounds strange...but..the night... is when parts of me... burst awake... and.. i can see things...truely... and...not so truely... maybe the night casts it's magic...and..gives me breathing room from the things i normally can't keep at bay...who knows... but... i remember nights at my parents house...i would stay up.. long past the hours my family kept... i would just...think... and..while i thought.. i would clip pictures from spin magazines and staple them to my walls...or i would... paint ... write... sometimes... i would cry... but as i look back... it was the loneliness... of being with one's thoughts... not being able to share ... no one to talk to... no mirror to reflect... that basic human need for companionship.... and... thinking of that now... just gives me this overwhelming...heart warming... grateful ... loving thanks...
thank you... every one that holds their place in my heart... for every time you listened... for everytime you laughed at my jokes...for everytime you brought me a biscuit when i was tripping balls out of my mind on acid... i truely wouldn't have made it without you...
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM AN ACTUAL NATIVE AMERICAN! (even though the small pox blanket thing was fucked up )