Are you watching closely?
I think i may be a tad emotional at the moment but it seems that in the midst of the emotions, the revelations and all the other crap i deal with. I am alone. I do the same thing every day. My schdule does not change. I go to work, come home and get online and that's my day and it's so boring i can't even keep the attention of my friends..none of them. It seems like every shred of friend i've ever had has disappeared or i have. One of the two and it breaks my heart. What have i done with my life? I cannot even devote time to God anymore. I am too selfish and stupid too.
It hurts. So very badly to feel the way i do at this moment. TO feel like you don't matter one way or another. To only be good when it's convient for others. Gosh! One is someone going to see me as special. Everyone i know is special to me. They all impact my lives in such ways they have no idea..but yet nothing for me. Am i that translucent? Or have i failed as a friend.
Oh well it doesn't matter, i needed a place to vent such frustrations and here it is. My dreams seem far out of reach with no support from anyone..NO ONE. And it seems as though i am a boring nobody with nothing to offer a friend. It's a horrible revelation to be sure but what can i do? I've tried my damnest to be better but it seems to be for not. Maybe this is God's way of grabbing my attention. Who knows but he has it now.
I don't know what else to say or do..I can only just keep trying in hopes things will be better. But until then i will get lost in the world of my imagination...if that even works. even the characters in my stories are ignoring me.
It hurts. So very badly to feel the way i do at this moment. TO feel like you don't matter one way or another. To only be good when it's convient for others. Gosh! One is someone going to see me as special. Everyone i know is special to me. They all impact my lives in such ways they have no idea..but yet nothing for me. Am i that translucent? Or have i failed as a friend.
Oh well it doesn't matter, i needed a place to vent such frustrations and here it is. My dreams seem far out of reach with no support from anyone..NO ONE. And it seems as though i am a boring nobody with nothing to offer a friend. It's a horrible revelation to be sure but what can i do? I've tried my damnest to be better but it seems to be for not. Maybe this is God's way of grabbing my attention. Who knows but he has it now.
I don't know what else to say or do..I can only just keep trying in hopes things will be better. But until then i will get lost in the world of my imagination...if that even works. even the characters in my stories are ignoring me.