Motherhood

[nishushan]

I am feeling that motherhood is very lonely and isolating at times. Before having a child, other childless friends and I would get together with great ease and enjoy each other's company. That doesn't happen as much or really at all anymore. It takes great effort on my part to arrange schedules to either appear without child or to involve said

Comments

[kellianne]

I felt the same way about mothering through Niko's baby years. I now see those first two years of parenting as such a time of transition. Friends who don't have kids just don't understand. They have no point of reference to share empathy with you, and you have two brain cells to rub together after working and not sleeping for months and years at a time- which is frustrating to non-parenting adults who are used to having linear conversation. Friends WITH kids means that you all are hanging out in a kitchen or at the park sharing empathy, but you literally can't complete a sentence because, well, littles are nuts.

The good news is that it only gets better. Now that I have a preschooler, I regularly dine at friends' houses or entertain at my own and the kids have a blast together while parents have a blast together. Often, there is a multigenerational dance party and I think "THIS is why I wanted a family."

You don't need to be friends with several families with similar aged kids, you need one or two, who preferably live right down the street. Once Hazel is ready for preschool, I highly recommend (if you can) that you choose a place that is in your neighborhood, rather than a place that's close to your work. I was able to make a few fast friends that way and I run into them regularly at the farmers market or the local playgrounds when we are out as a family. After just a year of Berkeley living (10 months at our new preschool), we are ending up having so many good times with other families in our neighborhood. Now that spring is almost upon us, the Friday night park pot luck will start again and we will meet even more people while the kids run themselves down. It's gotten really really FUN and I feel like my community is so much stronger as a result of my decision to become a parent.

You will find your way through the isolation. Believe!!

[kellianne]

I know that preschool is still a while away for you guys, but I just wanted to add that the reason our preschool has been so community building for us is because they really encourage us to hang out a bit. I read a book to Niko before leaving him there for the day. When I pick him up, I hang out with the kids, chat with the parents, and often end up walking home with other families. I've visited other schools that were not as social in nature, and specifically choose this one because I felt so comfortable hanging out there for however long I wanted. It's been a real boon to my community building in a new city!