(no subject)
Lately, i've been feeling really useless in terms of everything and even my trust to people is disappearing.
I feel like I could never catch up to anyone...
Since I'm already a 3rd year student, we're gonna have our thesis soon, and most of our projects and homework are done by group but I guess I'm not cut out for such things involving team works. I hate myself for being this way though.
No matter how hard I try..I ended up failing anyway.
Even if I try not to think or care how people think of me, their actions tell me so, the way they look at me. They're all judgmental. Well, I guess we all are. But sometimes it's so degrading. People say not to let it get to you but it can't be helped. We're all humans, we're sensitive and we get hurt.
I really want to escape reality. So much.
I guess I'm just stressed out but i really feel depressed at times and I can't make myself feel any better.. each day i feel worse.
Maybe it got to do with the people surrounding me..there's this friend(?) or blockmate who always goes home with me, ever since first year she'd tell me a lot of stuffs about herself, her problems or worries and i've always been listening but in the end i wonder if there's really such a thing as friends? I realized that this person only approaches me when she needs something, when she needs to rant out her feelings or when she have no choice but to come to me. Ever since I stepped into college, almost all people treat me this way -- their last option, be it on friendship or groupings/academic-related. But when it comes to me asking for their help or when i want to tell something someone, on how i really feel, they'd ignore it or most of the time brush it off or if I need help, they wouldn't really give a care about it.
I have my own inferiority complex, i feel really sensitive at times too. And I know people probably see me as being overly-emotional but..
I dont know...I just don't know what to think anymore. Honestly, even i sometimes, think that my problems are really trivial but in the end it affects me so much..
I hate this so much..
It suddenly comes to me out of nowhere. The feeling of being depressed..
the bad thoughts are all coming back and is trying to eat up my brain or something lol.
after writing this much, i feel a little better..a bit lighter..but still depressed,.