Shida Mirai Photobook Essay [Work]
I was asked about “the enjoyable moments” in my shows or during filming, that kind of question. Particularly, I myself don’t know. But I would feel “ah, ah, I’m so happy”. Unlike those highly complicated reasons such as “being able to experience the life of this character” or “being able to touch the deepness of this character’s emotions”. For example, just imagining the “get ready, start shooting” atmosphere, I’ll start to get nervous and have cold sweats. Besides these reasons, I can still enjoy filming.
However, before going to the shooting site to act, I had to read the script, test the costumes, etc. those kind of work also makes me very troubled. Reading the script, in places like the conference rooms, together with my co-stars. Over there, I meet a lot of people whom I have not yet met before, so I will be very nervous. Because I only have to read the script without fully acting it out, thus it resulted to even more pressure, as a result I end up speaking fast, gets stuck, or even not knowing what I’m saying anymore. There are times when there’s a line where I have to cry, I get nervous every time, thinking “how much feelings should I put into it for it to be good enough”. For actors, there are lines where deep feelings should be invested; there are also lines where small, dull tones should be used. For example, even if I can 100% enter my character, but we’re basically reading the script while sitting down on a chair, I feel that the state of this kind of sitting in a chair reading the script is very tactless and impulsive, I also feel that it’s too embarrassing. I love filming scenes and also acting very much, but it seems that I don’t have the consciousness of an actress. I’m happy to film, if we’re able to film, just being able to film that kind of thing is good enough. But being an actress is also good, being an idol is also god, as long as I can act then its fine. I’m not good at competing with other people, like a union or an idol, who’s the central figure, the popularity ranking, I cannot stand such situation. Even if I act as a protagonist or just a supporting role is good enough, to be able to get variety of roles, afterwards I must concentrate in acting, while during the time when I’m forming my character, I’m no longer me. So at this kind of state where I’m no longer me, even if I’m lost, there’s nothing to suspect; If i have the temperament of an actress, this kind of thing, where will it be? Moreover to love acting, what is it to others? To put it simply into words, it’s like the time where a wrestler cried out of pain, I would think “people will get hurt that way”, something like this is observed from other‘s path. If there are people quarreling on the tram, I would objectively observe next to them “So that’s how people quarrel”, it’s possible to have those kind of habit, isn’t it. But then this can be helpful in acting, it still doubtful isn’t it.
In order to make my performances or filming better, more than receiving acting lessons again and again, in fact being on the site repeatedly to obtain the actual shooting experience is the most important. With regards to an actress’ job, without a specific target or an ambition, compared to the so-called hope, the most important is the dream: whether it's a big work is good enough, small works are also worth mentioning, just to be able to always film happily at the shooting site is enough.
For me, the most fundamental fact is: I like acting, it’s the reason why I was able to stick to this job. But, because there are people who want to watch me act, I have to do my best, this is also an important element for me. If it’s merely because I love acting and insisted, but if I encountered the things other people like to do, I feel that it’s possible for me to turn into that way. At this point, my grandmother who supports me makes me engaged with this job of acting, afterwards it also makes me engage with the strength to carry on, because being by my side makes me feel happy and moved, telling me “always carry on acting”. I’m originally close to my grandmother, whenever I see her sincerely wanting to give me her lifetime support, I would feel “for her, I also have to stick with this, and give my best even more” , more than anything else this motivates me to push forward.
Up next is Kamiki Ryunosuke's Anan Magazine translation~ :3 i hope i get another free time o/