01/31 200801310414
Why do humans forget?
Tommorrow's homework
A promise with a friend
Dinner you ate two nights ago
The lyrics to the song you supposedly loved
The lines you rehearsed many times
The choreography you danced many times
The name of the person you met just recently
The deadline of the manuscript
The wide knowledge you learned from someone
Fun memories
Painful memories
Memories of regret
Embarrassing moments
Sad memories
Memories of crying so much your eyes got swollen
Memories of nearly laughing yourself to death
Memories of liking someone
Memories of being loved by someone
Memories of loving someone
Is the part of my brain that controls my memory not working properly?
The other day, my dog died and I went back home.
Once I arrived, I went straight to the small altar my father made.
His name did not match how big he really was but Chibi's bones were placed in a small jar. Beside it was the blue leash that was used when he was taken on walks, the expensive dog food that he ate as a treat sometimes and a faded Polaroid picture of him peeping out his cute face from his dog house.
Several drops of tears fell.
I gave a prayer for a few minutes and walked away.
As expected, I still did not know what to do.
Several days have passed since Chibi died and during that time I went to Kyoto with friends, did a live with NEWS, shoot a drama with Uchi and did a lot of different things.
During those times I completely forgot about Chibi.
I'm not saying that I should have been thinking about Chibi every second of the day, but while I was doing things like laughing, singing and dancing I felt like it was gradually fading and then sometimes by someone saying the word “dog” I would remember, “Oh right. Chibi died.”
And here I am now, suddenly remembering while I am alone and crying as I write this composition.
Last time, I caused everyone to worry so I wanted to tell you all I'm fine, but then I became unsure of where to start writing from.
I start thinking things like, when we unexpectedly remember a memory of someone's death, is it because that person wants us to remember?
Recently my little sister's child was born, my friend's family's dog got pregnant, and other lives were born…
One by one my memories are increasing.
There is no sense in regretting the times we cannot bring back so try with all my might to live now without regrets, but honestly, I cannot do that and saying something cool like that would become a lie so I will not say that. Therefore I will continue regretting the times that I cannot bring back, but I am hoping to live today and tomorrow by trying to make the things I will regret as little as possible.
After all, I do have a Case A called yesterday.
Before, when I rode a ship, the captain said something like this:
“A ship proceeds while being pushed by the unexpected tides in this vast sea without any direction marks. That is why to confirm whether it's sailing straight or not, we check by looking back and seeing whether the ship is leaving a straight line of white bubbles.”
During that time I thought, “Nah, I'll just look at the radar,” but these days I really like what the captain said. I don't distinctly remember whether what he said was really this cool though.
Hence I will become a ship-like person.
In this vast and deep sea called the world, among the direction marks where there are no distinct things but real and fake things are all mixed up, while being pushed by different waves, hesitating, succeeding, doubting, failing, regretting, hesitating yet again, failing, regretting and succeeding again and sometimes looking backing…
Nishikido Ryo will navigate through the sea [ship icon]
Tommorrow's homework
A promise with a friend
Dinner you ate two nights ago
The lyrics to the song you supposedly loved
The lines you rehearsed many times
The choreography you danced many times
The name of the person you met just recently
The deadline of the manuscript
The wide knowledge you learned from someone
Fun memories
Painful memories
Memories of regret
Embarrassing moments
Sad memories
Memories of crying so much your eyes got swollen
Memories of nearly laughing yourself to death
Memories of liking someone
Memories of being loved by someone
Memories of loving someone
Is the part of my brain that controls my memory not working properly?
The other day, my dog died and I went back home.
Once I arrived, I went straight to the small altar my father made.
His name did not match how big he really was but Chibi's bones were placed in a small jar. Beside it was the blue leash that was used when he was taken on walks, the expensive dog food that he ate as a treat sometimes and a faded Polaroid picture of him peeping out his cute face from his dog house.
Several drops of tears fell.
I gave a prayer for a few minutes and walked away.
As expected, I still did not know what to do.
Several days have passed since Chibi died and during that time I went to Kyoto with friends, did a live with NEWS, shoot a drama with Uchi and did a lot of different things.
During those times I completely forgot about Chibi.
I'm not saying that I should have been thinking about Chibi every second of the day, but while I was doing things like laughing, singing and dancing I felt like it was gradually fading and then sometimes by someone saying the word “dog” I would remember, “Oh right. Chibi died.”
And here I am now, suddenly remembering while I am alone and crying as I write this composition.
Last time, I caused everyone to worry so I wanted to tell you all I'm fine, but then I became unsure of where to start writing from.
I start thinking things like, when we unexpectedly remember a memory of someone's death, is it because that person wants us to remember?
Recently my little sister's child was born, my friend's family's dog got pregnant, and other lives were born…
One by one my memories are increasing.
There is no sense in regretting the times we cannot bring back so try with all my might to live now without regrets, but honestly, I cannot do that and saying something cool like that would become a lie so I will not say that. Therefore I will continue regretting the times that I cannot bring back, but I am hoping to live today and tomorrow by trying to make the things I will regret as little as possible.
After all, I do have a Case A called yesterday.
Before, when I rode a ship, the captain said something like this:
“A ship proceeds while being pushed by the unexpected tides in this vast sea without any direction marks. That is why to confirm whether it's sailing straight or not, we check by looking back and seeing whether the ship is leaving a straight line of white bubbles.”
During that time I thought, “Nah, I'll just look at the radar,” but these days I really like what the captain said. I don't distinctly remember whether what he said was really this cool though.
Hence I will become a ship-like person.
In this vast and deep sea called the world, among the direction marks where there are no distinct things but real and fake things are all mixed up, while being pushed by different waves, hesitating, succeeding, doubting, failing, regretting, hesitating yet again, failing, regretting and succeeding again and sometimes looking backing…
Nishikido Ryo will navigate through the sea [ship icon]