Epiphany, of sorts.
I am never going to be happy if I keep living the way I'm living. I will never save money if I keep living the way I'm living.
I've decided I'm going to try to cut out excessive spending as much as I possibly can, and it's my goal to no longer indulge in excessive spending by the end of this month. I'd set it shorter, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to need help.
See. I'm not a shop-a-holic or anything, but I love spending money. I love the instant gratification of "swipe" and it's your's.
I tend not to spend as much money if I'm hoarding just cash... Because cash is a pain. You have to count it and check if you have the change and people roll their eyes at you because nowadays everyone is used to plastic. Cash is almost like an inconvenience. When was the last time you went inside at the gas station and paid with cash? Probably quite a while ago. I know it's been a looong time for me.
So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to ask for the support of everyone around me, online, in person, I don't care. I need you all. I need you to tell me "No" when I say I need to buy something that I really don't need. I don't need to buy favor points on those stupid facebook games, I don't need to buy dinner at Friendlys, I don't need to buy that shade of eyeshadow because it's "soooo cute" and I certainly don't need to buy anymore apps for my iPhone. (iPhone will be an entirely different subject to deal with).
I need help to fix my life and get me back on track.
I'm sure if I stopped spending money for the sake of spending money that I could survive off of what I make at Starbucks. I'm sure of it.
Next year, I want to be able to re-enroll in school. Not necessarily culinary school or anything super duper fancy, but I need to be in school. For myself. I always whine about how I'm wasting myself, how I'm meant for more than steaming milk and brewing coffee but I sit here on my ass in my free time and do nothing about it. If I go to school, I know it'll help me get the drive and confidence to pursue an actual career, instead of sit in a comfy job with a steady paycheck.
I also realized... I'm a pretty shitty friend. I don't call people, I don't IM people, but rather I communicate with people when first spoken to. Most of the time, I simply don't realize people are talking to me but sometimes... Sometimes I see people and I think "If they want to talk to me, they'll talk to me" and that's so... Stupid. So stupid. There are so many people I want to talk to and don't talk to because... Because why? Laziness? Fear of unrequited fondness? I don't know. What I do know is I need to stop lying to myself. I need to be honest with myself, and honest with my friends. I'm sick of this "Oh sorry I haven't been talking to you I've just been so BUSY".... Right. Busy. I work eight, maybe nine hours out of the day. I sleep for only about five. That's only 13 hours of a 24 hour day. I can use that other 11 to talk to my friends or more to talk to my family.
I guess this all came to me on the drive home from dropping Danny off at his Starbucks. I was thinking about the speech in The Devil Wears Prada, the part where Nigel says to Andrea "You have no idea how many legends have walked these halls. And what's worse, you don't care. Because this place, where so many people would die to work you only deign to work. And you want to know why she doesn't kiss you on the forehead and give you a gold star on your homework at the end of the day. Wake up, sweetheart. "
So... I think I kind of woke up. I realized that, even though I'm not a non-fashion interested journalist working at a fashion magazine, I'm in a similar boat... Only think of the magazine "Runway" as my life.
I'm not living my life, rather I'm surviving it. I'm doing enough to go from one day to the next day and nothing more. It's no wonder I've yet to get a gold star on my homework.
I'm hoping that, by starting with the cutting out uncalled for spending, I can help myself move into a place where I can really start living.
Afterall, isn't that the point of living? To really... Live? To experience life?
I don't want to let my chance slip by me.
So... Who wants to help me? I can help you in return, if you need me to.
I've decided I'm going to try to cut out excessive spending as much as I possibly can, and it's my goal to no longer indulge in excessive spending by the end of this month. I'd set it shorter, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to need help.
See. I'm not a shop-a-holic or anything, but I love spending money. I love the instant gratification of "swipe" and it's your's.
I tend not to spend as much money if I'm hoarding just cash... Because cash is a pain. You have to count it and check if you have the change and people roll their eyes at you because nowadays everyone is used to plastic. Cash is almost like an inconvenience. When was the last time you went inside at the gas station and paid with cash? Probably quite a while ago. I know it's been a looong time for me.
So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to ask for the support of everyone around me, online, in person, I don't care. I need you all. I need you to tell me "No" when I say I need to buy something that I really don't need. I don't need to buy favor points on those stupid facebook games, I don't need to buy dinner at Friendlys, I don't need to buy that shade of eyeshadow because it's "soooo cute" and I certainly don't need to buy anymore apps for my iPhone. (iPhone will be an entirely different subject to deal with).
I need help to fix my life and get me back on track.
I'm sure if I stopped spending money for the sake of spending money that I could survive off of what I make at Starbucks. I'm sure of it.
Next year, I want to be able to re-enroll in school. Not necessarily culinary school or anything super duper fancy, but I need to be in school. For myself. I always whine about how I'm wasting myself, how I'm meant for more than steaming milk and brewing coffee but I sit here on my ass in my free time and do nothing about it. If I go to school, I know it'll help me get the drive and confidence to pursue an actual career, instead of sit in a comfy job with a steady paycheck.
I also realized... I'm a pretty shitty friend. I don't call people, I don't IM people, but rather I communicate with people when first spoken to. Most of the time, I simply don't realize people are talking to me but sometimes... Sometimes I see people and I think "If they want to talk to me, they'll talk to me" and that's so... Stupid. So stupid. There are so many people I want to talk to and don't talk to because... Because why? Laziness? Fear of unrequited fondness? I don't know. What I do know is I need to stop lying to myself. I need to be honest with myself, and honest with my friends. I'm sick of this "Oh sorry I haven't been talking to you I've just been so BUSY".... Right. Busy. I work eight, maybe nine hours out of the day. I sleep for only about five. That's only 13 hours of a 24 hour day. I can use that other 11 to talk to my friends or more to talk to my family.
I guess this all came to me on the drive home from dropping Danny off at his Starbucks. I was thinking about the speech in The Devil Wears Prada, the part where Nigel says to Andrea "You have no idea how many legends have walked these halls. And what's worse, you don't care. Because this place, where so many people would die to work you only deign to work. And you want to know why she doesn't kiss you on the forehead and give you a gold star on your homework at the end of the day. Wake up, sweetheart. "
So... I think I kind of woke up. I realized that, even though I'm not a non-fashion interested journalist working at a fashion magazine, I'm in a similar boat... Only think of the magazine "Runway" as my life.
I'm not living my life, rather I'm surviving it. I'm doing enough to go from one day to the next day and nothing more. It's no wonder I've yet to get a gold star on my homework.
I'm hoping that, by starting with the cutting out uncalled for spending, I can help myself move into a place where I can really start living.
Afterall, isn't that the point of living? To really... Live? To experience life?
I don't want to let my chance slip by me.
So... Who wants to help me? I can help you in return, if you need me to.