Now I'M Number 1.
Picked up I Am America (And So Can You) today.
For your reading pleasure, from Chapter 1: The Family. All errors in transcription are my fault.
Childrearing is arguably the most important of my core values. I believe in it, I practice it, and I ceaselessly promote it to my friends and followers. That said, generally speaking, I'm against children.
What's the matter? Did I shake you up?
See, I'm not against the conception of children; like I said, they're the only permissible reason for intercourse. And I'm not against pregnancy -- in fact, if you ask me, there's nothing more beautiful than a third-trimester mother-to-be in full maternity regalia. Maybe it's the elastic, I don't know. But the effect is stunning.
No, my problem is the children themselves. They may be cute, but they are here to replace us. Need proof? Ever catch one walking around in your shoes? That's a chilling moment, like finding an empty body snatcher pod in the basement.
"But children are our future!" Yes, but does that not also mean that we are their past? I don't understand why we're helping them. You don't see union factory workers throwing a benefit for robots.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Why take childrearing advice from someone who mistrusts children?" The answer is simple. I respect my opponents. And I urge you all to do the same. I wish I could come to each of your houses to hlep you raise your kids, but I've got my hands full with my own children, as well as several pending "negligent Big Brother" lawsuits. Instead, I offer these simple child raising tips.
And so he does. Good stuff. Pick it up at your local booksmith.
For your reading pleasure, from Chapter 1: The Family. All errors in transcription are my fault.
Childrearing is arguably the most important of my core values. I believe in it, I practice it, and I ceaselessly promote it to my friends and followers. That said, generally speaking, I'm against children.
What's the matter? Did I shake you up?
See, I'm not against the conception of children; like I said, they're the only permissible reason for intercourse. And I'm not against pregnancy -- in fact, if you ask me, there's nothing more beautiful than a third-trimester mother-to-be in full maternity regalia. Maybe it's the elastic, I don't know. But the effect is stunning.
No, my problem is the children themselves. They may be cute, but they are here to replace us. Need proof? Ever catch one walking around in your shoes? That's a chilling moment, like finding an empty body snatcher pod in the basement.
"But children are our future!" Yes, but does that not also mean that we are their past? I don't understand why we're helping them. You don't see union factory workers throwing a benefit for robots.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Why take childrearing advice from someone who mistrusts children?" The answer is simple. I respect my opponents. And I urge you all to do the same. I wish I could come to each of your houses to hlep you raise your kids, but I've got my hands full with my own children, as well as several pending "negligent Big Brother" lawsuits. Instead, I offer these simple child raising tips.
And so he does. Good stuff. Pick it up at your local booksmith.