A story from Kyoto
Setting: 10:30 PM, Kyoto's 9th street, early January, J-HOPPERS hostel.
Cast: Myself, a Puerto Rican guy, two white Australians, a Canadian, and more Australians, except these are clearly Asians. Maybe a Kiwi, I forget.
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ACT 1
"You see, Zach, drinking... is my quest for divinity."
"What on Earth are you talking about?"
The two Australians sat at the table, playing some game involving stacking blocks. We had been talking about D+D and nerd stuff, which put the room into a state of confusion. Here we were going on about the 3.0 to 3.5 rule changes, and 6 or 7 other well-adjusted people had no idea what we were talking about. So I mentioned to the Nordic one (I say Nordic, as he had a shock of bright red hair down to the middle of his back), that he had really been putting away those drinks. The beer/shochu vending machine had seen more than its share of customers tonight.
"You see, Zach, drinking... is my quest for divinity."
"What on Earth are you talking about?"
"Well, it's like this mate. Wine is ... 13% alcohol, right?"
"Yeah, the strong stuff"
"I'll be generous, 13%. Now... the Catholics...no one here's religious, right?"
No one said a word.
"The Catholics think wine is Jesus' blood, right"
"As far as I know, but I'm not Catholic"
I looked at the Puerto Rican, he nodded. "Something like that"
"RIGHT. Ok, mate, and God was Jesus' father. That means Jesus has XH chromosomes. The H is for Holy"
"Ok, I'm following. X from Mary, H from God"
"Yeah, so that means... God... is about 26% alcohol. So when my blood alcohol level hits 26%... I too, shall be a God"
"Your quest for divinity. Cheers."
"Cheers, mate"
END ACT 1
------------------------
There was another story I wanted to tell, but I can't remember it for the life of me.
And it wasn't this one.
-------
ACT 2 -- a few hours later.
I was the only American in the room, which meant I had some explaining to do about my country.
One of the Australians: "So, mate, you mean to say... I can walk into a Wal-Mart, buy two shotguns with the ammo without a license or anything, at 18 years old.... but I can't buy alcohol until I'm 21, and even that's watered-down and awful."
A room full of blank expressions. Waiting.
"Yeah, that's about the size of it. Most states anyways. And you can't conceal the weapon legally until your 21."
"But can I just walk around with it in my hand?"
"Unloaded. And you'll still get a lot of police bothering you. What can I say, we like our guns."
The Canadian chimed in: "And marijuana's in the same group as cocaine and heroin, right?"
"I'm afraid so."
Grumbling and mumbling rose from my audience.
I wanted to say, "Yeah, we're not perfect, but at least we're not sucking on the Queen's teat anymore!"
So I did.
"Mate, you've got a point there. We had a vote a couple years back to leave the Commonwealth. The Queen herself supported it! But all the old people liked the idea of being in the Commonwealth, so we stayed. There's democracy for ya, mate"
Canadian: "I don't know if we've ever tried"
"And there you have it. We're #1. U-S-A! U-S-A!"
But I was cheering all by myself.
Cast: Myself, a Puerto Rican guy, two white Australians, a Canadian, and more Australians, except these are clearly Asians. Maybe a Kiwi, I forget.
----------------
ACT 1
"You see, Zach, drinking... is my quest for divinity."
"What on Earth are you talking about?"
The two Australians sat at the table, playing some game involving stacking blocks. We had been talking about D+D and nerd stuff, which put the room into a state of confusion. Here we were going on about the 3.0 to 3.5 rule changes, and 6 or 7 other well-adjusted people had no idea what we were talking about. So I mentioned to the Nordic one (I say Nordic, as he had a shock of bright red hair down to the middle of his back), that he had really been putting away those drinks. The beer/shochu vending machine had seen more than its share of customers tonight.
"You see, Zach, drinking... is my quest for divinity."
"What on Earth are you talking about?"
"Well, it's like this mate. Wine is ... 13% alcohol, right?"
"Yeah, the strong stuff"
"I'll be generous, 13%. Now... the Catholics...no one here's religious, right?"
No one said a word.
"The Catholics think wine is Jesus' blood, right"
"As far as I know, but I'm not Catholic"
I looked at the Puerto Rican, he nodded. "Something like that"
"RIGHT. Ok, mate, and God was Jesus' father. That means Jesus has XH chromosomes. The H is for Holy"
"Ok, I'm following. X from Mary, H from God"
"Yeah, so that means... God... is about 26% alcohol. So when my blood alcohol level hits 26%... I too, shall be a God"
"Your quest for divinity. Cheers."
"Cheers, mate"
END ACT 1
------------------------
There was another story I wanted to tell, but I can't remember it for the life of me.
And it wasn't this one.
-------
ACT 2 -- a few hours later.
I was the only American in the room, which meant I had some explaining to do about my country.
One of the Australians: "So, mate, you mean to say... I can walk into a Wal-Mart, buy two shotguns with the ammo without a license or anything, at 18 years old.... but I can't buy alcohol until I'm 21, and even that's watered-down and awful."
A room full of blank expressions. Waiting.
"Yeah, that's about the size of it. Most states anyways. And you can't conceal the weapon legally until your 21."
"But can I just walk around with it in my hand?"
"Unloaded. And you'll still get a lot of police bothering you. What can I say, we like our guns."
The Canadian chimed in: "And marijuana's in the same group as cocaine and heroin, right?"
"I'm afraid so."
Grumbling and mumbling rose from my audience.
I wanted to say, "Yeah, we're not perfect, but at least we're not sucking on the Queen's teat anymore!"
So I did.
"Mate, you've got a point there. We had a vote a couple years back to leave the Commonwealth. The Queen herself supported it! But all the old people liked the idea of being in the Commonwealth, so we stayed. There's democracy for ya, mate"
Canadian: "I don't know if we've ever tried"
"And there you have it. We're #1. U-S-A! U-S-A!"
But I was cheering all by myself.