hmm rejection... shweet...
At the moment I feel like im not even living my own life.
I have been reacting to events in my life in ways that I didn’t see myself doing.
I haven’t cried as much as I thought I would of, but with everything that has happened I feel like there is a large significant piece missing from me, and im worried im not going to get it back.
I don’t know, it’s really hard to explain what im feeling, it just feels like I have no emotion, but every now and then I’ll want to cry, but just randomly... About everything… Odd!
Well im guessing by now you are probably wondering what on earth im going on about… well the short version is this…
- A certain someone is still confusing the absolute crap out of me. Im not reading into anything again, but I dunno, why does he have to be so fucking awesome in everything he does and says? Why the hell can’t these feelings bugger off…? I really want him as a mate, and I understand me having feelings is probably going to stop that from happening, but I dunno… my head wants to explode… being in love fucking sucks! Meh…
- My grandma is un well, she has a hole in her aorta, which is the main blood route I guess you could say, to your heart. She needs an operation, in which she needs to wait for the doctor to come back from his honeymoon to have … cunts… best case scenario, the operation will work, worst case… well it doesn’t need to be said. She lives with us too by the way… I don’t think I could handle losing her.
- Still haven’t been able to find a full time job… im starting to dislike rejection a lot! Nearly three weeks ago I went for a Real Estate Traineeship, had my first interview, then 2 and a half weeks later got called for a second one… its between me and another girl. One of the ladies that interviewed me rung me today telling me about another job, causal, that I really don’t want, anyway when I questioned her about the actual job I went for, she said the other girl is having a trial this week but they haven’t made a decision… I don’t like my odds… then the gforce chick rang me I missed the call but she also said in the message that they still haven’t decided and she wanted to touch base with me... so I dunno… was talking to mum and we hope she hates it or has real bad breath so they hate her… im going to get karma for that probably! It’s all starting to get me down though, people say the right job will come along… but im starting to doubt that, it’s nearly been a year!
- Im really depressed at Safeway too atm. I just hate hate hate it there! The same stuff day in, day out… the same annoying customers and staff… I’ve been there for nearly six years and im only 21… I need to get out before it completely does my head in, which makes rejection even worse!
I know in the scheme of things my problems aren’t that huge, or anything like that… and I know that… and everyone always says “look on the positive side” but atm im wallowing in my own self pity so I’ll just stay here for a little while. Everything was just so perfect for me a couple of months ago… I had never been so happy… why can’t I have that all the time? And why do I get a taste and then get it all taken away from me. I just wish something will go right. My god why didn’t I stop myself before I started going all emo…
Im going to go mow the lawn… haw haw…. No? Nothing? … Sweet.
Lastly thanks to Ally, Juzz and Steveolicious for taking me out the other weekend and making sure I got maggoted! I had the best fun I had in a long time, and being able to forget everything for a night was just what the doctor ordered!
I have been reacting to events in my life in ways that I didn’t see myself doing.
I haven’t cried as much as I thought I would of, but with everything that has happened I feel like there is a large significant piece missing from me, and im worried im not going to get it back.
I don’t know, it’s really hard to explain what im feeling, it just feels like I have no emotion, but every now and then I’ll want to cry, but just randomly... About everything… Odd!
Well im guessing by now you are probably wondering what on earth im going on about… well the short version is this…
- A certain someone is still confusing the absolute crap out of me. Im not reading into anything again, but I dunno, why does he have to be so fucking awesome in everything he does and says? Why the hell can’t these feelings bugger off…? I really want him as a mate, and I understand me having feelings is probably going to stop that from happening, but I dunno… my head wants to explode… being in love fucking sucks! Meh…
- My grandma is un well, she has a hole in her aorta, which is the main blood route I guess you could say, to your heart. She needs an operation, in which she needs to wait for the doctor to come back from his honeymoon to have … cunts… best case scenario, the operation will work, worst case… well it doesn’t need to be said. She lives with us too by the way… I don’t think I could handle losing her.
- Still haven’t been able to find a full time job… im starting to dislike rejection a lot! Nearly three weeks ago I went for a Real Estate Traineeship, had my first interview, then 2 and a half weeks later got called for a second one… its between me and another girl. One of the ladies that interviewed me rung me today telling me about another job, causal, that I really don’t want, anyway when I questioned her about the actual job I went for, she said the other girl is having a trial this week but they haven’t made a decision… I don’t like my odds… then the gforce chick rang me I missed the call but she also said in the message that they still haven’t decided and she wanted to touch base with me... so I dunno… was talking to mum and we hope she hates it or has real bad breath so they hate her… im going to get karma for that probably! It’s all starting to get me down though, people say the right job will come along… but im starting to doubt that, it’s nearly been a year!
- Im really depressed at Safeway too atm. I just hate hate hate it there! The same stuff day in, day out… the same annoying customers and staff… I’ve been there for nearly six years and im only 21… I need to get out before it completely does my head in, which makes rejection even worse!
I know in the scheme of things my problems aren’t that huge, or anything like that… and I know that… and everyone always says “look on the positive side” but atm im wallowing in my own self pity so I’ll just stay here for a little while. Everything was just so perfect for me a couple of months ago… I had never been so happy… why can’t I have that all the time? And why do I get a taste and then get it all taken away from me. I just wish something will go right. My god why didn’t I stop myself before I started going all emo…
Im going to go mow the lawn… haw haw…. No? Nothing? … Sweet.
Lastly thanks to Ally, Juzz and Steveolicious for taking me out the other weekend and making sure I got maggoted! I had the best fun I had in a long time, and being able to forget everything for a night was just what the doctor ordered!