Flat Tuesday
Today has been horrible. Last Thursday a boy who I've never met shot himself and he died last night. I'm not sure how to react and I feel really awful for feeling bad because I didn't even know him, but from what I've heard about the situation surrounding his suicide, it's an utter tragedy. It hits me really close to home because when I was his age I would have given anything to have been able to kill myself. When I found out I wanted to cry really badly but I didn't. It's times like these that I wish my faith was stronger so I could pray to someone.
I also found out that we're going to put my dog, Cassie, down on Friday. It's a hard situation. I've wanted my parents to admit that she's too old to be happy now and to put her down for a very long time because I know it's what's best for her. But it's so awful because all I can think about is how we can't take care of animals the way we take care of humans -- what I mean is, we can't put her into the same type of care. And we can't wait for her to die a natural way -- we personally have to go in and kill her ourselves. It's so horrible. And I'm going to get really sentimental for a minute and mention that she was the first pet I ever had. She's 15 years old and we've had her since as long as I can remember. We grew up together and I loved her so much and I felt like she was my sister. It's obviously not that way anymore, but I've never gone through something like this before. I have a scar under my eye that blends in with my freckles that she gave me when we first got her. And there's this picture of her that I'd kill to find of her up in the treehouse at my old house with her head out the window and her tongue hanging out. When I was in 6th grade, we took her up North to my gramma's house and she ran away. She was found by some pastor and almost wasn't returned to us.
I mean, I can deal with this. It's more horrible for me to see her the way she is when she's in such an embarrassing state. I tried to sit with her and pet her just now the way I used to and she had to just walk away because it hurts her too much to stand. I'm going to clean her really nicely before we go give her a mother fucking lethal injection. She's going to be beautiful :(
And with that said, I'm not really sure whether or not I'll be going to The Hard Lessons/Decks' show on Friday, or having that movie night thing, or anything.
I guess there's other stuff going on. But I'm in just such an awful mood right now. I have so much homework to do and I should practice for the talent show and play Sega and exercise and sleep and shave my legs and write poems. But I really just want to curl up in my bed and watch TV and cuddle with something. But not you. I don't want to cuddle with you.
And on the bright side, I saw my psychiatrist today and she said that I will probably be able to get off meds for my senior year. I'm doing really well and I'm happy about that.
Alex, my mom wants to talk to you about clarinet stuff so you should call my house for her whenever you get the chance.
I also found out that we're going to put my dog, Cassie, down on Friday. It's a hard situation. I've wanted my parents to admit that she's too old to be happy now and to put her down for a very long time because I know it's what's best for her. But it's so awful because all I can think about is how we can't take care of animals the way we take care of humans -- what I mean is, we can't put her into the same type of care. And we can't wait for her to die a natural way -- we personally have to go in and kill her ourselves. It's so horrible. And I'm going to get really sentimental for a minute and mention that she was the first pet I ever had. She's 15 years old and we've had her since as long as I can remember. We grew up together and I loved her so much and I felt like she was my sister. It's obviously not that way anymore, but I've never gone through something like this before. I have a scar under my eye that blends in with my freckles that she gave me when we first got her. And there's this picture of her that I'd kill to find of her up in the treehouse at my old house with her head out the window and her tongue hanging out. When I was in 6th grade, we took her up North to my gramma's house and she ran away. She was found by some pastor and almost wasn't returned to us.
I mean, I can deal with this. It's more horrible for me to see her the way she is when she's in such an embarrassing state. I tried to sit with her and pet her just now the way I used to and she had to just walk away because it hurts her too much to stand. I'm going to clean her really nicely before we go give her a mother fucking lethal injection. She's going to be beautiful :(
And with that said, I'm not really sure whether or not I'll be going to The Hard Lessons/Decks' show on Friday, or having that movie night thing, or anything.
I guess there's other stuff going on. But I'm in just such an awful mood right now. I have so much homework to do and I should practice for the talent show and play Sega and exercise and sleep and shave my legs and write poems. But I really just want to curl up in my bed and watch TV and cuddle with something. But not you. I don't want to cuddle with you.
And on the bright side, I saw my psychiatrist today and she said that I will probably be able to get off meds for my senior year. I'm doing really well and I'm happy about that.
Alex, my mom wants to talk to you about clarinet stuff so you should call my house for her whenever you get the chance.