(no subject)
amidst all my studying i get reminded of the fact that i'm leaving in less than two weeks now. i'm in intense studying and testing mode right now, but it's still at the back of my mind, and sometimes it comes up to the surface and i have such mixed and intense feelings about it. i want so badly to be there and i'm beyond excited, but i am very sad to leave a lot of this behind. especially james, because just trying to fathom how much i'll miss him makes my stomach twist up. i know once i'm there and swept up in it it really won't be bad at all, but there are going to be so many challenges, and not just about who i'll miss. being the person i want to be when i'm there is going to be a huge challenge in itself.
god i just can't believe it's so soon now that i'm going, it's something that i've been anticipating for so so long and it's almost here now. i'm almost in shock in a way. and i can't really predict at all exactly what's going to happen this summer, and there's something both scary and comforting about that. i am so grateful to be going back, i know, and goddd i want to be there more than anything sometimes. whatever now that i've said all this i'm tired of thinking about it.
i have english tomorrow (kat's birthday!) and i studied vocab like crazy so i really hope i do well. afterwards is the track dinner, which i just don't care about. i just want to go for the food.
god i just can't believe it's so soon now that i'm going, it's something that i've been anticipating for so so long and it's almost here now. i'm almost in shock in a way. and i can't really predict at all exactly what's going to happen this summer, and there's something both scary and comforting about that. i am so grateful to be going back, i know, and goddd i want to be there more than anything sometimes. whatever now that i've said all this i'm tired of thinking about it.
i have english tomorrow (kat's birthday!) and i studied vocab like crazy so i really hope i do well. afterwards is the track dinner, which i just don't care about. i just want to go for the food.