Is it possible to entirely lose your muse?
Ugh...what an awful title for an entry, but I'll go with it anyway. I'll lead up to my loss of muse.
I hadn't realised that I have perhaps lost my muse for AiW until suddenly getting lots of new readers. I had even forgotten some of the crap I wrote back then!
I've spent the better part of, what, two years now? helping care for my uncle who has suffered thru prostate cancer and lives with my aunt on a farm over an hour away. To top things off, he was difficult to care for because he suffers from ever-worsening dementia.
My aunt is over 80 and so is my uncle, and all but one of their children live out of state. So, I came to know my aunt and uncle much better with this experience. I didn't see them for most of my life, but in the past year or so I've come to know them well. I have no regrets. Uncle Jim came to trust me so much that he would not tolerate anyone but me, his daughter, or his wife making his meals, driving him, and even accompanying him around the farm he continues to believe he entirely runs. He even thought I lived in the house with them.
I don't need to add all of the details, but suffice it to say that this entire experience has been difficult and so time-consuming that I have felt as if my life was not my own any more. Top that off with a "houseguest from hell" and that pretty much sums up my life of late.
But I have no regrets about my aunt and uncle. I've come to know them and love them more than ever. And now they have moved even further away to be closer to their daughter and son-in-law. Uncle Jim is now in a nursing home in the Alzheimer's Wing and think that Aunt Eileen and I live there with him but in a separate wing. It's a long story, but it works! Anyway, he now has nodules on his lungs and the prognosis is not good.
So, in the meantime, I've been doing some writing. Some VERY crappy, and some not so crappy. But I've been doing it under a different (shared) account and a different fandom. While it is much smaller than the AiW fandom, I have some very loyal and wonderful readers.
Just recently, however, there has been a huge surge in readership (well for MY stuff, anyway!) for "Alice." Even tho I now cringe at those stories now and hope that I've improved, people are asking me to come back. I've had numerous requests to "finish" my "Chess and Mally" and "Throne Series," and even a few to continue on with "A Pawn in Her Game," of all things!
I never really thought about these stories since and about the couple unfinished ones in my stories folder. I really don't know what to do. I've been away from "Alice" for so long, or so it seems, that I don't know if I can return.
I am basically writing this to air my feelings and I don't think anyone will read this! It's mainly for myself. However, if anyone does read this and can relate to wondering if you can regain a "lost muse," please share!
Can a muse return? Is "muse" even the correct word to use? Do you just bow your head and dive in and hope for the best? Or ... what?
Anyway, post over! If anyone is reading this, I want to say that I've missed you all and hope I'm back in, at least, decent form. :) I'm not needed as much any more for my aunt and uncle, my houseguest from hell is gone and now I just have to literally scrub and shampoo half my house, and shorter visits to my aunt and uncle will now suffice.
I hope you all have been well.
Love,
Niphuria
I hadn't realised that I have perhaps lost my muse for AiW until suddenly getting lots of new readers. I had even forgotten some of the crap I wrote back then!
I've spent the better part of, what, two years now? helping care for my uncle who has suffered thru prostate cancer and lives with my aunt on a farm over an hour away. To top things off, he was difficult to care for because he suffers from ever-worsening dementia.
My aunt is over 80 and so is my uncle, and all but one of their children live out of state. So, I came to know my aunt and uncle much better with this experience. I didn't see them for most of my life, but in the past year or so I've come to know them well. I have no regrets. Uncle Jim came to trust me so much that he would not tolerate anyone but me, his daughter, or his wife making his meals, driving him, and even accompanying him around the farm he continues to believe he entirely runs. He even thought I lived in the house with them.
I don't need to add all of the details, but suffice it to say that this entire experience has been difficult and so time-consuming that I have felt as if my life was not my own any more. Top that off with a "houseguest from hell" and that pretty much sums up my life of late.
But I have no regrets about my aunt and uncle. I've come to know them and love them more than ever. And now they have moved even further away to be closer to their daughter and son-in-law. Uncle Jim is now in a nursing home in the Alzheimer's Wing and think that Aunt Eileen and I live there with him but in a separate wing. It's a long story, but it works! Anyway, he now has nodules on his lungs and the prognosis is not good.
So, in the meantime, I've been doing some writing. Some VERY crappy, and some not so crappy. But I've been doing it under a different (shared) account and a different fandom. While it is much smaller than the AiW fandom, I have some very loyal and wonderful readers.
Just recently, however, there has been a huge surge in readership (well for MY stuff, anyway!) for "Alice." Even tho I now cringe at those stories now and hope that I've improved, people are asking me to come back. I've had numerous requests to "finish" my "Chess and Mally" and "Throne Series," and even a few to continue on with "A Pawn in Her Game," of all things!
I never really thought about these stories since and about the couple unfinished ones in my stories folder. I really don't know what to do. I've been away from "Alice" for so long, or so it seems, that I don't know if I can return.
I am basically writing this to air my feelings and I don't think anyone will read this! It's mainly for myself. However, if anyone does read this and can relate to wondering if you can regain a "lost muse," please share!
Can a muse return? Is "muse" even the correct word to use? Do you just bow your head and dive in and hope for the best? Or ... what?
Anyway, post over! If anyone is reading this, I want to say that I've missed you all and hope I'm back in, at least, decent form. :) I'm not needed as much any more for my aunt and uncle, my houseguest from hell is gone and now I just have to literally scrub and shampoo half my house, and shorter visits to my aunt and uncle will now suffice.
I hope you all have been well.
Love,
Niphuria