His One and Only Possible True Love
I don't own Alice in Wonderland or any of its characters. Based on the 2010 Tim Burton film.
Rated M for some adult content.
Underland needs a Champion and a lonely and beautiful and misunderstood and unloved girl needs true love. Will she find it? Tarrant is also lonely and looking for love. What will happen?
His One and Only Possible True Love
Alyson Bella Trueheart casually but gracefully flipped her perfect golden curled and flowing tresses over an alabaster shoulder as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror. The face of a seventeen-year-old flawlessly beautiful young woman gazed wanly back at her.
Her emerald, no...wait, chartreuse, no...wait, forest, definitely not...spring...yes! Her spring green eyes gazed back at her and reflected her deep and utterly fathomless despair that no-one on Earth had ever possibly experienced since the beginning of Time. Her perfect body was no consolation, since no boy at school could ever love such an oddball as she despite her physical perfection. Even her Chemical Romance tee shirt and glittered thong sandals could not help her fit in. She was just too beautiful, too smart, and definitely too...muchy, for anyone to ever be able to accept her or love her.
Her rosy pink lips pouted in sadness of yet another day of being shunned at school or worse, made fun of. Yes, she was the school weirdo and the butt, although hers was perfectly shaped, of all the jokes made by her fellow students. But why? Why her? Surely poor Alyson wasn't a bad person just because she was different from everybody else on the planet?
Even worse, her own parents didn't love her. Alyson was never good enough for them. Her high grades, her advanced piano playing, and her exquisite painting skills simply were not good enough for them. To them their daughter was a disappointment.
Alyson sighed softly and a tear trickled its lonely way down her petal-soft cheek. Oh, why was she so unloved and misunderstood? Why did no-one else have her imagination and her dreams? All she wanted was for one special person in the entire world, or Universe even, to accept and love her for who she was!
What was so wrong with wondering what it would be like to fly, or to sail the world, or to see other countries? Why was being so pretty such a terrible thing? Why was her cleverness and wit considered unacceptable?
Trying to not burst into sobs, the breath-taking blonde stumbled out the back door of her house and headed towards the field. She crossed this field every day on her way to school; the dreadful school where the teachers scorned her and the students at best ignored her, and at worst, made fun of her constantly.
Unable to contain her grief any longer, the girl's tears now flowed freely. She would rather die than live in such a world as this! A world where not a single person understood her or was even willing to try was unbearable to Alyson. Maybe, if she was lucky, she would get hit by a car or a school bus and die. Then everyone would be happy.
Alyson felt a strap of her pack tug on her soft and shining hair and tried to readjust her pack and, for a moment, didn't watch where she was walking. The huge, gaping hole in the ground completely escaped her notice as she was readjusting the straps of her Hannah Montana backpack. Suddenly the girl cried out as she found herself plummeting into the ground headfirst.
She screamed and flailed as she passed all sorts of items. Books, toys, lamps, statuettes, and even a piano passed by her. Alyson was stunned to hear it playing a strange tune. Suddenly she bounced off a bed and was flipped into an even more dizzying tumble downward!
Would this fall never end? She finally found herself sitting on a floor, but her gorgeous hair was standing straight up! What was this? Oh, no! She wasn't right-side-up, she was upside-down!
The hapless girl plummeted to the floor of a circular black and white checkered room. Goodness...what was she to do now? At least she wasn't injured, despite the long fall. She stood up and gingerly felt her chest. Good; no bruises. She didn't want to proceed on this strange adventure with aching breasts, after all.
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Tarrant Hightopp sat at the Tea Table with Mallymkun the dormouse and Thackery the March Hare.
"I don't know, 'atter," Mally said. "Mirana said that only a true Champion can slay the dreaded Jabberwocky!"
"Ain't seen no Champion!" Thackery yelled, then threw a scone at Mally's head.
She dodged it easily.
"And the Champion is a blonde-haired young girl with incredible beauty," Mally added.
"And very misunderstood and unloved by even her own family!" Tarrant put in. "How tragic for the poor thing! I wonder if the Oraculem is right in that she will arrive today to save us all?"
A smile formed out of the early afternoon air, soon followed by a face and then a plump body of purple and lavender fur.
"Chess! Were you eavesdropping again?" Mally demanded angrily, unsheathing her pin sword and waving it menacingly at the feline.
"Have a care, my dear dormousy," the Cheshire drawled. "I think you'll want to hear my news!"
"News? Spoon!" Thackery yelled, throwing a tea cup at Chess, who evaporated so that it passed harmlessly through him. He rematerialized and floated towards the Mad Hatter.
"Tarrant, I've just seen the most remarkable thing. A beautiful, beguiling, bemused, highly intelligent and completely misunderstood young girl has just solved the puzzle in the Room of Doors! She's on here way here."
Tarrant's eyes flashed emerald green with hope. "Do you...do you think she's the One?" he gasped.
"I think so," Chess replied. "She fits the description in the Oraculem perfectly. But have a care, Tarrant. This girl, though utterly unloved and misunderstood in her own world, seems like she could make you fall hopelessly in love."
Tarrant laughed. "What utter rot! I care about restoring the White Queen to power. I don't have time to fall in love, especially with someone who I haven't even..." And then he stopped speaking. He had just seen the most incredible sight his eyes had ever beheld.
A creature that surely must have been crafted by the Spirit of Underland herself entered into view. The girl was small and slender but with just the right womanly curves to make her body incredibly irresistible. Her face was gorgeous beyond description and her hair...oh, her hair! It was like spun gold on a sunny day. When her eyes flicked to meet his, he saw the loveliest spring green in them that he could ever have dreamed of.
She was dressed very oddly. She was a young woman, yet she wore blue trousers and a short-sleeved pink blouse with the image of a teddy bear on the front. She did not wear proper shoes, but instead wore some sort of sandals that glittered, and she carried the oddest sort of pack. It was pink and white and had a picture of a round-faced blonde girl on it. The words surrounding the printed face said 'Hannah Montana.'
Was that her name? Was this utterly gorgeous and undeniably unique creature called Hannah Montana?
The girl timidly approached the Tea Party. Everything stopped as the ravishing beauty looked from one to another of them.
"Where am I? Who are all of you? What is this place?"
Tarrant cleared his throat and extended his hand to her, unable to help himself. "Miss Montana? I'm known as the Mad Hatter, and this is Thackery, and here is Mallymkun, and the floating cat is called Chessur, or Chess."
"Miss Montana?" The girl looked confused, and then she burst into giggles. Her laughter sounded like the tinkling of tiny crystal bells to Tarrant.
"Oh, that's not my name!" she said, still giggling. "My name is Alyson! Alyson Bella Trueheart. I was on my way to school when I happened to fall into a large hole in the ground. I ended up in the strangest room, but was able to figure out how to shrink and grow myself and make my way here to you."
"Very clever!" Mally said with admiration. "You see, most people get confused in that room and show up here being very tiny. But you solved the puzzles perfectly!"
"Yes, you are surely the one to save us all!" Tarrant added, trying to resist the ever-growing urge to take her into his strong arms and kiss her senseless.
"Our Champion!" Thackery screeched, throwing a lump of sugar at Alyson.
"Ow!" Alyson cried out as the lump struck her on the cheek. She rubbed her hand over the spot and when she drew it back her perfect skin was marred by a pink splotch. "That really, really hurts!"
Tarrant glared at the hare. "Should I disembowel him fer yeh?" he snarled.
"What?" Alyson's eyes widened, and then she understood. "Oh, no! Please, not on my account. It will, hopefully, not bruise."
"So why am I here? Am I dreaming?" she asked.
Everyone laughed. "Silly girl!" Chess said, "the Champions always say that! But, no, Alyson, you are not dreaming."
"You see," Tarrant interjected, "your arrival has been foreseen by the Oraculem, an ancient document that the White Queen, who, unfortunately, is not in power at the moment, holds. It clearly shows that you are the one to slay the dreaded Jabberwocky and free us all from the tyrannical reign of the Red Queen."
Alyson gasped and sank onto a chair. "What...what is a Jabberwocky? It sounds perfectly horrid!"
"Oh, it is!" Mally said. "The Jabberwocky destroyed the 'atter's entire Clan and many more people, besides! But now that you are here you can slay it, restore the White Queen to power, and..."
"Live with me forever and ever as my one and only possible true love," Tarrant finished dreamily.
Everyone stared at him. His eyes widened in horror as he realised he had said that last part out loud.
"Fez! I'm fine!" he squeaked.
"But...I'm just a girl! How am I supposed to slay such a fearsome beast?" Alyson gasped, pressing a delicate hand to her heaving bosom.
"Tea!" Thackery shouted, and threw a cup of tea at Alyson. It hit her squarely in the chest and wet her tee shirt.
To her mortification, but Tarrant's secret delight, her nipples peaked quite visibly beneath it.
Everyone chose to behave as if they didn't notice the incident.
"It will be all right, love," Chess said, trying to not focus on the girl's hardened nipples. "You see, the last girl who was here, Alice, died. But she first saved the Hatter and Mally from the Red Queen's dungeons and retrieved the Vorpal Sword."
"Yes," Tarrant lisped excitedly, "Alice died, but now you are here to make up for that! You are the one who is truly destined to save us!" He couldn't help but fix his eyes on the girl's breasts. Oh, how he longed to pull her into his lap and suck that tea right out of her blouse...
He jerked his attention away from her body and stared at her face, hoping he looked innocent.
Alyson blushed. She noticed that the Hatter had been staring at her perfect perky boobs, and it was, somehow, all right with her. Perhaps this beautiful, although odd-looking man, was her one true love!
"What do I need to do? Use that magic sword?" she asked.
"Yes, but first we need to take you to see Queen Mirana. Tomorrow is the battle, and we need to show her that her Champion has arrived."
"Oh, dear, but do you really think I can do it?" Alyson cried out, distressed. "I've never killed anything in my life! I even try to never step on an ant!"
"All you need to do," Tarrant said, poking a finger right between her breasts, "is to find your Muchness. Once you have that, the Sword will know exactly what it wants." He let his finger linger quite a bit longer than necessary, but everyone pretended to not notice.
Alyson blushed even more pink.
"Oh...okay," she said, smiling shyly at the Hatter, whose eyes were the most brilliant emerald green they had ever been. "Take me to this Queen!"
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The White Queen was beside herself with glee. Her hands flitted about almost uncontrollably as she bobbed and swayed around the girl.
"Yes, yes, she is certainly the Champion! The one and only Champion! We had a false alarm in Alice, but Alyson here is perfect in every way! She is obviously the one the Oraculem really meant! And just think, this girl, a misfit in her own world, fits in perfectly here in Underland with us!"
Alyson gasped in delight. "Really? I really belong here?"
"Of course, my dear!" Mirana gushed. "Can't you feel it? Can't you feel that all your dreams are about to come true?"
Alyson closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Yes, she felt it! This place was perfect for her! She could escape her miserable life Above and live here! And the Hatter was her true love; she could feel it! He would never hurt her or make fun of her. He would even care about her dreams and fantasies!"
"All you have to do is slay the Jabberwocky and everything you could ever desire will be yours," Mirana added.
"And don't worry, my Alyson," Tarrant said. "I'll be right there beside you. I won't let anything happen to you!"
No, he wouldn't! He couldn't lose his true love now that she had practically dropped from the heavens into his lap. He would protect her with every fibre of his being!
Alyson smiled at him. She opened her backpack and drew out all sorts of foodstuffs that she called 'candy bars' and shared them with everyone. They were divine! Even Thackery knew that his culinary skills could never rival those of 'Hershey's.
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On the balcony that night the Hatter spotted Alyson. She was leaning over the rail staring into the night sky. She was clad only in pajamas and her perfect peach-like bottom was thrust out in the most enticing manner imaginable. It took all of Tarrant's self-control to not rush up to her and squeeze that peach until she moaned and groaned and begged him to take her like an animal under the stars.
"Hatter?" Her soft voice broke him from his arousing reverie.
"Ahem...yes, Alyson, my dear?" He walked up to her and stood at her side.
"This is real, isn't it?" she asked softly. "This is all real and I have to slay a monster in the morning."
"I'm afraid so, my lovely one," Tarrant said. "But don't be afraid! I'll be there to protect you."
Alyson straightened and looked into his eyes. "You...you will?" Her voice quavered for a moment, but then her resolve firmed. She would do whatever it took to be with this man and save these people! She had Muchness and she wasn't going to be afraid to use it!
The Hatter must have read her thoughts in her eyes, for he pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly.
Suddenly he pulled back. "I...I beg your pardon!" he gasped.
"Oh, it's all right!" Alyson said, "I know you are my true love!"
"You...you do?" he asked, his eyes shining with pure love and adoration.
"Of course I do!" Alyson replied. "Now, kiss me again, and don't be afraid to feel my perfect boobs!"
"Can I...can I squeeze your sumptuous bottom, too?" he asked.
Alyson giggled. "Of course!"
And the Hatter did. He cupped her breasts and ran his palm over her nipples, hardening them. When the girl moaned he leaned down and nipped at one through the thin fabric of her pajama blouse.
"Oh, Hatter!" the girl cried, sinking her fingers into his soft orange hair and encouraging him. "More, please! I need all the love I can get for tomorrow!"
Tarrant eased her onto the floor of the balcony. "Yeh'll geh it, too," he burred.
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The day of the battle was cold and crisp, but inside, Alyson felt warm and fuzzy. Tarrant had made the most incredible love to her last night and although she was sore, being a virgin of course, she knew she was more than ready to face the terrifying beast of the Red Queen.
Tarrant was breath-taking in his battle garb, which included his kilt and showed off his sexy legs despite the fact that they were covered by mis-matched stockings. His eyes gleamed with a fierce light and he readied his claymore.
When Mirana could not reason with her sister, the Jabberwocky was released. Alyson rushed forward to battle it. She knew that she could not, would not, fail. She would slay this creature and have her happily ever after.
She raced up the stairs to gain the highest ground she could. The beast struck at her again and again and even his flame deflected harmlessly off her shield.
"How is it that you don't even break a sweat?" the creature asked, awed and annoyed. "You are an 'Alice.' An 'Alice' always has a chance to lose a battle against me!"
"Hah! But I was adopted and my birth parents nor my adoptive parents love me!" Alyson cried out smugly. "My name is Alyson now, but my birth name was Mary Sue Fangirl!"
"Argh!" the creature screeched in sudden fear and comprehension. "It's not fair! They said you were an 'Alice!' It's a Universal law that Mary Sues cannot be killed! Or if they are, they are brought back by magical tears, a miracle of Underland, or the love of a Mad Hatter!"
"You will die by my hand!" Alyson yelled, reaching the top of the stairs.
"Yes, I will," the Jabberwocky said, miserable. "There is no hope. But know this, Tarrant Hightopp, you think you love this girl, but she is more fearsome than even I. She's a Mary Sue! She'll seem to be the ideal wife for you, but in a short time you'll wish yourself dead! There's no escaping the dreaded Mary Sue! They are far worse than I am. They are a literal plague! You'll long for death soon, Hightopp!"
"I don't believe you!" Tarrant shouted. He was having the time of his life. He was battling the Knave of Hearts, who was unusually clumsy today. Tarrant was literally running circles around him, kicking him in the arse and slapping him about the head. He had even found some perfume in Alyson's backpack and sprayed it in Stayne's face.
"Agh!" Stayne cried. "That stench! It's too revolting to even describe! What is it?"
"It's by someone called Jennifer Lopez!" Tarrant retorted. "And it's pure poison, isn't it?"
"My eye!" Stayne screamed. "I can't stand it! I surrender, I surrender!"
The Red Queen screeched in fury but the Jabberwocky ignored her. He sighed and laid his head on the parapet and looked at Alyson with sad eyes.
"Go ahead. End my misery," he said.
"Off with your head!" Alyson yelled, and chopped his head off with the Vorpal Sword.
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Alyson and Tarrant immediately came together as soon as the head of the great beast rolled to the court yard ground. They began kissing furiously and heatedly, but before things could go further Mirana offered the creature's blood to Alyson.
"Will this take me home?" Alyson asked.
"If that is what you wish," Mirana told her.
"You could stay," Tarrant said, already beginning to hump against Alyson's armour. "But I think I'm close to coming, actually."
Alyson giggled and tossed the vial to the ground where it shattered.
"Take me, my Outlander!" she cried.
Everyone averted their eyes as the couple performed an act that is usually reserved for the privacy of one's bedroom.
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Three months later Tarrant was locked away in the White Queen's Dungeons. He had become a babbling maniac. No-one understood what had happened to their beloved Hatter. He was no longer coherent. He was dangerous. He always lashed out at those around him and was forever attempting to run away from everybody.
"Do you think he can be helped?" Alyson sobbed as she and Mirana watched over him one morning. Tarrant was in a straight-jacket and locked securely in a guarded cell.
"I don't know," Mirana said shakily, dabbing at her eyes with a dainty white handkerchief. "I've checked all my tomes, but I cannot find anything to account for this!"
"Well," Alyson said, wiping her nose and blowing daintily into her own handkerchief, "I won't leave him for a moment! He's my one and only possible true love! I'll be by his side forever and ever!"
Inside his tortured mind, the Mad Hatter snapped for good. The Jabberwocky had been right. The only escape from a Mary Sue was death. Mercifully, Underland granted it for him. He vaguely heard Alyson and the Queen cry out in grief as he expired and gratefully floated away, invisible, toward the Land of the Happy of the Happiest Dead.