(no subject)
I will stop using you as an emotional tampon, wringing out my problems for one week out of the month.
When meeting someone that you hope to befriend, you try to make yourself likeable. There's no doubt about that, whether you want to admit it or not. But then generic introduction passes and you establish a comfortable state of mind with said person.
->
One of two things. You either unlock them, groping your way in the dark until you hit whatever embodies them as a person (that is, if they drop their walls a bit) or you come to loathe them completely.
Hatred versus understanding. Or, annoyance really.
And I've come to the conclusion that my posts aren't meant to be understood by anyone, I just write them because I am bored and too withdrawn from writing fiction to actually put any effort into it. This is a lame replacement of something else that I should be doing, and its only slightly rewarding.
I should stop trying to convince myself that this is enough.
Open my eyes like before, help me look at the everyday world and look past it - that's where it all came from, once. I would look at a simple object, reflect on a feeling, let myself feel a breeze...and I would give it a name, a history, a past.
Allow me to do it again, and I will be a happier person.
EDIT: I've just kicked university in the fucking face! O_O
I'm sure I've told at least some of you about my stupid English Fiction analyses course this term, and how it's so obscenely boring that I can't even bring myself to show up at the lectures. I think I've been to 4 of them so far. I also refused to read Frankenstein and the Fiction Anthology.
So, I just picked up an email written to me by my tutorial leader about 10 minutes ago. It was regarding my exam (which I didn't bother to pick up last week in seminar because I was too lazy to show up) and the fact that my grade ranked among the top 2 marks in first year for the course. She was asking if she could use it as an overhead for how exams should be written and blah blah blah-
But the point is: I kicked that class in the face, I'm brilliant, and I'm going to go and eat some crackers.
G'night, all.
When meeting someone that you hope to befriend, you try to make yourself likeable. There's no doubt about that, whether you want to admit it or not. But then generic introduction passes and you establish a comfortable state of mind with said person.
->
One of two things. You either unlock them, groping your way in the dark until you hit whatever embodies them as a person (that is, if they drop their walls a bit) or you come to loathe them completely.
Hatred versus understanding. Or, annoyance really.
And I've come to the conclusion that my posts aren't meant to be understood by anyone, I just write them because I am bored and too withdrawn from writing fiction to actually put any effort into it. This is a lame replacement of something else that I should be doing, and its only slightly rewarding.
I should stop trying to convince myself that this is enough.
Open my eyes like before, help me look at the everyday world and look past it - that's where it all came from, once. I would look at a simple object, reflect on a feeling, let myself feel a breeze...and I would give it a name, a history, a past.
Allow me to do it again, and I will be a happier person.
EDIT: I've just kicked university in the fucking face! O_O
I'm sure I've told at least some of you about my stupid English Fiction analyses course this term, and how it's so obscenely boring that I can't even bring myself to show up at the lectures. I think I've been to 4 of them so far. I also refused to read Frankenstein and the Fiction Anthology.
So, I just picked up an email written to me by my tutorial leader about 10 minutes ago. It was regarding my exam (which I didn't bother to pick up last week in seminar because I was too lazy to show up) and the fact that my grade ranked among the top 2 marks in first year for the course. She was asking if she could use it as an overhead for how exams should be written and blah blah blah-
But the point is: I kicked that class in the face, I'm brilliant, and I'm going to go and eat some crackers.
G'night, all.