I am fighting a suspicion that I have made a mistake in thinking I should try a Worldcon - it seems suddenly so overwhelming, confusing and scary
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I sometimes wonder am I an introvert or not, but I should not - an idea of feeling comfortable in a cafe (room full of strange people) is very alien to me. It CAN be a bit of childhood trauma - the middle aged Soviet waitresses and bufetsitsy were really scary creatures for a shy child and this child apparently still hides in me.
I do try to make myself believe that the membership dues are money well spent to support a good cause, even if I will not go. Unfortunately travel to Helsinki will cost more than 100 Euro one way and I will find it hard to forgive if I go and fail to force myself to enter the worldcon.
But - there is possibility in theory (he will be in Estonia, but I do not know yet will he have free time) of support from my younger son. I just have to figure out would it be possible to find money for his transport and day pass and would couple of hours on a convention, may-be, calm me down so that I could stay (unfortunately I can afford only an hostel bed - so I have to be among strangers even nighttime. But Soviet children camp and hospital experience should be enough training not to find that insurmountable)
Of course, it is also possible that I will feel better in August and am able to cope.
I do try to make myself believe that the membership dues are money well spent to support a good cause, even if I will not go. Unfortunately travel to Helsinki will cost more than 100 Euro one way and I will find it hard to forgive if I go and fail to force myself to enter the worldcon.
But - there is possibility in theory (he will be in Estonia, but I do not know yet will he have free time) of support from my younger son. I just have to figure out would it be possible to find money for his transport and day pass and would couple of hours on a convention, may-be, calm me down so that I could stay (unfortunately I can afford only an hostel bed - so I have to be among strangers even nighttime. But Soviet children camp and hospital experience should be enough training not to find that insurmountable)
Of course, it is also possible that I will feel better in August and am able to cope.
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