Incessant Ramble LXXI

[ninth_awakening]

So at this point,
i'm definitely going to Africa

which is really exciting
so long as i don't like,
get stomped by an elephant or something.
that would suck
i mean, i don't know
its never happened before
but i can assume
i think thats a pretty safe assumption

but no matter how overjoyed i feel
when i think about going,
i still feel stressed
all the time (well most)
and i have no reason to be
so this bothers me
i'm usually good at keeping a
cheerful countenance
unless i'm passionately angry
or starving myself
but this is different
its like, i just feel serious
a lot. like all i really want
to do, is sit and think

i think i'm going to end up going
to school in Michigan after all.
i'm so against the idea
because i want to be able to focus
on my career and my life while i'm
at college, and that'll be hard
if my overly-close family is
constantly wanting me to be around
but CCS looks amazing. i love everything
i've seen there. they tell me i should
have no problem getting in
its one of the top art schools in the
country. and its everything that
i want.

but its in Michigan
I hate the cold so much
I just don't feel like doing anything
I want to sit in my blankets and think
all day
every day
forever

but like, i don't really
its just that its cold

i think the whole not-enough-sleep thing
is getting to me
yeah. thats it
thank God for insomnia
if it weren't for feeling slightly
out-of-it... i'd probably
feel depressed.