....i feel really tired
Im really tired of feeling like im on borrowed time. I try to keep myself busy and concentrate on other things but nothing can get my mind off of that im fucking leaving...im fucking leaving...its happening...i have so much here. I have friends that love me and a shitty job but nonetheless a job...family. I dont know what to do anymore i mean i know my friends dont wanna bring it up to me at least most of them dont...cause its difficult.
I also feel so restricted like i gotta keep myself from doing things cause i know they arent gonna last long here. Such as talking to potential love interests like idk...before i had no problem i mean if i like someone i just tell them and if nothing happens.... but this whole leaving situation leaves me feeling like i shouldnt even bother. I just keep building up these feelings and ugh...its enough to just run...run for away...or go deep into the confines of my mind and not come back like a crazy person.
I just wanna be me and not feel restricted...i know a great deal of people that definitely have it worse than me by a long shot but i cant help but feel like complete shit about my situation. I dont wanna go ...i dont wanna go i just might be in like with someone that i know :(