A simple breakdown of Ninja skills vs pirate (undercase) skills in a completely unbiased format.
We all know pirates and ninjas have this hate going on, but let's get technical about this. One on one, who wins? Does the pirate slash and arr his way to victory? Or does the ninja float on the wind's essence and pucture the skull from above? Let's find out shall we.
1. Mobile Dexterity.
Ninjas are lithe dancers of the night, elegant patrons of a sinister waltz that blends the mystery of the shadows and lethality of a hidden blade. They are acrobatic and swift, they do not pant because the need for oxygen is beneath them. They are silent, invisible. and accurate to 400 paces.
Pirates have prosthetic limbs/eyes/hands and require parrots on occasion to squawk commands on what is in the immediate vicinity. Due to the excess alcohol intake and a lack of inhibitions when it comes to glutton, the average pirate weighs nothing less than 250 pounds. And while running takes a lot of energy for anyone, a pirate can only run for 30 seconds flat before the "poopdeck" becomes a very hard and cold reality.
WINNER: Ninjas
2. Fighting Tactics.
Pirates claim to be masters of the high seas, and unmatched in swashbuckling prowess and all manner of spitting. However, most important battles don't take place on a deck, they take place in the hearts of nation, the loins of cities, and the hanging manhood of Capitals. How sufficient would a cutlass be in closed quarter environments? They are fairly adequate. The cut things, and on occasion that "thing" is your target. But when a nerve dart hits the side of your neck from the ninja two roofs away, and as you fall a slim razor-sharp tripwire neatly decapitates you... well you get the picture.
Ninjas have a code. The fight with honor, with dignity, and flying blades of metal that are named by monks. As a quote from jurassic park says: "The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you" And what's more stealthy than eating your opponent and he's not even aware?
Most people think ninjas only attack from the dark, but the truth is you wouldn't know that because you can't see in the dark can you? They ARE everywhere, and the attack with a lethal tenacity that can only be matched by chuck norris (the ultimate ninja) himself. Special tactics precede each highly precise attack point, and there is no margin for error. Because a ninja never misses.
WINNER: Ninjas
3. Weaponry
Ninjas spend years honing the art of bladecraft, and only the most grand of their crafters reach the pinnacle of their work. These select few imbue their tools with an ancient malice that defies the very nature of humankind's survival. It is a bane of man's reproductive organs, and slayer of womens clothes. Perfectly balanced shuriken, needles, and flying kicks accentuate the already majestic long range ninja arsenal. Accompanied by the slender samurai blade, razor sharp scythe and chain, and ever vigilant dagger; a geared ninja is a feared ninja.
Pirates main killing tool is the infection and rust of their blades. While potent with a chilling death rate of 3 timbers per Arr (please refer to pirate dictionary of common scum slang), they cannot rely on blades alone. With a heavy increase in unprepared combat scenarios, pirates weaponry is simply not efficient in being drawn quickly. This has resulted in the new pirate "Me blade be stuck!" death cry. The long range pistol seems to be a fairly efficient tool, except for the 1 minute reload time, and tendency to jam and backfire. While many a Grunt has been killed to gut shots, the number of ninja casualties from pistol fire is quite low.
WINNER: Ninjas
As you can see, the statistics and analysis of both combat, physical prowess, and equipment cleary dictates the Ninjas are far superior in every way to their Pirate counterpart. Hopefully many of you will realize that the Ninja brethren have earned this title with their years of hard training, and culturally influencing slogans such as "Fsshhh *pierce* THUD" immortalized by the hit show "Stealthy Dart Hits Lazy Pirate"
I hope to bring you the light of who is more superior in the social battleground in the nest journalism of pirates versus ninjas.
1. Mobile Dexterity.
Ninjas are lithe dancers of the night, elegant patrons of a sinister waltz that blends the mystery of the shadows and lethality of a hidden blade. They are acrobatic and swift, they do not pant because the need for oxygen is beneath them. They are silent, invisible. and accurate to 400 paces.
Pirates have prosthetic limbs/eyes/hands and require parrots on occasion to squawk commands on what is in the immediate vicinity. Due to the excess alcohol intake and a lack of inhibitions when it comes to glutton, the average pirate weighs nothing less than 250 pounds. And while running takes a lot of energy for anyone, a pirate can only run for 30 seconds flat before the "poopdeck" becomes a very hard and cold reality.
WINNER: Ninjas
2. Fighting Tactics.
Pirates claim to be masters of the high seas, and unmatched in swashbuckling prowess and all manner of spitting. However, most important battles don't take place on a deck, they take place in the hearts of nation, the loins of cities, and the hanging manhood of Capitals. How sufficient would a cutlass be in closed quarter environments? They are fairly adequate. The cut things, and on occasion that "thing" is your target. But when a nerve dart hits the side of your neck from the ninja two roofs away, and as you fall a slim razor-sharp tripwire neatly decapitates you... well you get the picture.
Ninjas have a code. The fight with honor, with dignity, and flying blades of metal that are named by monks. As a quote from jurassic park says: "The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you" And what's more stealthy than eating your opponent and he's not even aware?
Most people think ninjas only attack from the dark, but the truth is you wouldn't know that because you can't see in the dark can you? They ARE everywhere, and the attack with a lethal tenacity that can only be matched by chuck norris (the ultimate ninja) himself. Special tactics precede each highly precise attack point, and there is no margin for error. Because a ninja never misses.
WINNER: Ninjas
3. Weaponry
Ninjas spend years honing the art of bladecraft, and only the most grand of their crafters reach the pinnacle of their work. These select few imbue their tools with an ancient malice that defies the very nature of humankind's survival. It is a bane of man's reproductive organs, and slayer of womens clothes. Perfectly balanced shuriken, needles, and flying kicks accentuate the already majestic long range ninja arsenal. Accompanied by the slender samurai blade, razor sharp scythe and chain, and ever vigilant dagger; a geared ninja is a feared ninja.
Pirates main killing tool is the infection and rust of their blades. While potent with a chilling death rate of 3 timbers per Arr (please refer to pirate dictionary of common scum slang), they cannot rely on blades alone. With a heavy increase in unprepared combat scenarios, pirates weaponry is simply not efficient in being drawn quickly. This has resulted in the new pirate "Me blade be stuck!" death cry. The long range pistol seems to be a fairly efficient tool, except for the 1 minute reload time, and tendency to jam and backfire. While many a Grunt has been killed to gut shots, the number of ninja casualties from pistol fire is quite low.
WINNER: Ninjas
As you can see, the statistics and analysis of both combat, physical prowess, and equipment cleary dictates the Ninjas are far superior in every way to their Pirate counterpart. Hopefully many of you will realize that the Ninja brethren have earned this title with their years of hard training, and culturally influencing slogans such as "Fsshhh *pierce* THUD" immortalized by the hit show "Stealthy Dart Hits Lazy Pirate"
I hope to bring you the light of who is more superior in the social battleground in the nest journalism of pirates versus ninjas.