Life is tough
***DISCLAIMER BEFORE READING***
I'm really not looking for consoling or sympathy or even a reply to this. I just had to get it off of my chest. I have to keep going for Rictor's sake.
But it feels like It shouldn't be this tough... I mean if I sat on my ass all day and had people carry me all my life. I'd expect my life to suck. But I go through extremes to get bills paid and to stay a float but I'm not getting anything in return.. I mean sure you can say. "well you should be thankful that you have 2 arms n legs" But I also believe in the "work hard play hard" theory. I'm working hard but getting nothing. I had an emotional break down this Tuesday. I just wanted to do something as simple as buying Scott Pilgrim DVD ($20 dollars) but found out I didn't have the money to buy it.... Like Really?!? Is this what I get in return?? Bowls of Ramen and trips to the Dollar menu.
for the first time since Rictor was born. I can't buy him stuff that I want to buy him. I take him to toy stores to play with toys. And I take him to the book store to read him books there. And I just feel like he deserves better. Don't get me wrong Rictor doesn't care. I swear he thinks I'm the awesomest toy he could ever have. He loves me soo much and I can see it in his eyes. But I want to give him stuff every once in a while. Like Rewards for being the awesomest son in the world. But I can't do that. Because I have no money. I can't go to conventions, I can't eat what I want to eat. Like for an example I love Chipotle. But I haven't eaten there in forever because it's friggin $6 bucks. But I have to spread out $25 dollars to survive 2 weeks for me AND rictor. Because my entire check is use on "trying" to get caught up on bills.
I took Rictor to See Megamind on Wednesday. I didn't care if I could afford it or not. I just wanted to take him. And he enjoyed it. And I thought it was an amazing movie. But watching a $5 dollar Matinée film sets plans back. Like having to skip lunch at work for a couple days. I think it's totally worth it for Rictor. But does it HAVE to be this way???
I'm really not looking for consoling or sympathy or even a reply to this. I just had to get it off of my chest. I have to keep going for Rictor's sake.
But it feels like It shouldn't be this tough... I mean if I sat on my ass all day and had people carry me all my life. I'd expect my life to suck. But I go through extremes to get bills paid and to stay a float but I'm not getting anything in return.. I mean sure you can say. "well you should be thankful that you have 2 arms n legs" But I also believe in the "work hard play hard" theory. I'm working hard but getting nothing. I had an emotional break down this Tuesday. I just wanted to do something as simple as buying Scott Pilgrim DVD ($20 dollars) but found out I didn't have the money to buy it.... Like Really?!? Is this what I get in return?? Bowls of Ramen and trips to the Dollar menu.
for the first time since Rictor was born. I can't buy him stuff that I want to buy him. I take him to toy stores to play with toys. And I take him to the book store to read him books there. And I just feel like he deserves better. Don't get me wrong Rictor doesn't care. I swear he thinks I'm the awesomest toy he could ever have. He loves me soo much and I can see it in his eyes. But I want to give him stuff every once in a while. Like Rewards for being the awesomest son in the world. But I can't do that. Because I have no money. I can't go to conventions, I can't eat what I want to eat. Like for an example I love Chipotle. But I haven't eaten there in forever because it's friggin $6 bucks. But I have to spread out $25 dollars to survive 2 weeks for me AND rictor. Because my entire check is use on "trying" to get caught up on bills.
I took Rictor to See Megamind on Wednesday. I didn't care if I could afford it or not. I just wanted to take him. And he enjoyed it. And I thought it was an amazing movie. But watching a $5 dollar Matinée film sets plans back. Like having to skip lunch at work for a couple days. I think it's totally worth it for Rictor. But does it HAVE to be this way???