Angel's Creed, three

[theguindo]

Wooow chapter 3 is like way short comparatively. I think it ends at the best place it could end though, so hm. 3,895 words.

FEEDBACK IS AWESOME. I would like to know

Comments

[theguindo]

And because I'm disappointed that I had to cut this out of the draft, here, have an outtake:

"Ow," came the whine from Amelia, only a second after her eyes had fluttered open. She cringed, pressing a hand against her head. "You didn't have to hit me that hard, Bernard!"

Joel's smile turned bemused. "Bernard?"

She froze. And then she frowned and socked Joel in the shoulder. "You hit me, you jerk! First you dump water on me and then you hit me! I'm not friends with you anymore!"

"If you can't remember my name after twenty years, I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with you."

[deltashade]

Man, you weren't kidding when you said this was short. But I guess after the last chapter, you can get away with it. I like that Slay is self-aware; it adds a dose of realism to a character that would normally come off as really, really cheesy. He knows that his name is ridiculous, he knows why it is ridiculous, and he loves it. And I like it. I think you struck a good balance between humor and seriousness. Considering the ultimate resolution to the Slay thing, at least for right now, is hitting Amelia in the head (which is probably a little cathartic for the inevitable group of people who will end up hating her), yeah.

I'm... honestly not sure what I can comment on! This chapter was a lot like what I'm used to seeing you write. I told you I noticed the VoH influences pretty much right off the bat. I've seen you do really mood whiplash-y stuff with Raiel before, so with the switching between drama and slapstick and action, this chapter flowed very naturally for me. Which sounds like a contradiction, but it's not!

[slinkoboy]

GUESS WHAT.

I READ THIS.

... BUT HAVE NOTHING OF NOTE TO SAY. =3