fic: The Strange Face of Love 6/15
Title: The Strange Face of Love
Author: Psammead
Summary: Pseudo-Canon: Dean and Cas have a relationship of sorts over the span of 3 years. They have that profound bond, but it’s not some chick-flick, one-true-love deal. It’s messy and painful, but desperately sweet. It's what could have happened off screen.
Rating: NC-17
Notes/Warnings: An attempt to stick to canon. Spoilers, massive, massive spoilers, as this fic runs concurrent with seasons 4, 5 and 6. Destiel, this chapter has sex.
Disclaimer: I'm not Kripke or Gamble, I obviously do not own Supernatural, Dean or Castiel in any way, shape or form, because if I did, you would be watching this on HBO complete with swearing and sex instead.
Thank you!
The story starts here: http://ninjapsammead.livejournal.com/1797.html
Someday I'll figure out how to make links that look like sentences.
Author's note: There's a lot more sex from this point on. This is the only scene written in both character's perspectives, which I know is awkward, but I wanted to try. The rest are not.
Chapter Six: You Shook Me All Night Long
The idea that Cas was dead was incomprehensible to Dean. He looked away from Sam and Chuck, wanting to cry for a moment and then beating down the emotion. He thought, if Cas was dead, I'd feel it, somehow, like when Sammy died, like a part of myself was gone, too. I'm not in love with the dorky angel, but after what Cas did for me, I gotta admit that there's an unbreakable bond there. I'd know if he was really dead.
The events that unfolded next kept him too busy to dwell on Cas, and all too soon, he was facing down Zachariah again. As the sadistic son-of-a-bitch tried to apply the right pressure to make Dean cave, Dean almost laughed a little inside. Funny how the hell the angels put me through made me hardened enough to say no to Zack while Sammy bleeds out.
When Cas saved him, he felt an overwhelming wave of relief, Cas, alive, deadly and fucking kicking ass. If Dean hadn't been cancer ridden, he might have leaped over to Cas and hugged the shit out of him.
The angel was brusque, leaving abruptly, and that quelled his happiness. Cas was dead and I didn't feel it at all. But at least he's back now, Dean thought, even if he bailed right away.
When Cas came to them at the hospital, his attitude made more sense. Dean was surprised at Cas's anger, he didn't like it at all and started to get pissed, but then he saw the desperation in the blue eyes, and realized the enormity Cas had given for him, and how epically he had failed Cas.
"Dean. Give it to me." Dean thought for a moment that the demand was laced with righteousness, and began to form a angry "no", but as he studied the tired eyes, he realized Cas was speaking with desperation and quiet determination.
"All right, I guess."
By the next day, Sam left him. He wasn't sure what had happened bring Sam to that conclusion, but he didn't have it in him to argue. Dean thought he'd feel something, watching Sam go, but he didn't, just numb. After everything, Sam was a reminder of how badly he had failed everyone, a reminder of how much he'd lost. He didn't need that.
The angel was in his bubble again, and he smelled delicious, like pie and that bizarre angel spice, sweet and mysterious. Sunshine? Stardust? Dean was reflexively crabby and moved away before he could start smelling him again. He hadn't heard from Cas in weeks, and now he just shows up, demanding help? Okay, begging for help. Dean suddenly realized how incredibly alone and desperate Castiel was. Morally, he had to help Cas now, he'd promised.
Just don't smell him, Dean told himself.
The drive to Maine was interesting. Dean popped in his old mix tape from when he and his Dad used to hunt together.
"Okay, Cas. I showed you a movie, and you showed me a poem. So now, I'm gonna show you the beauty of classic rock and muscle cars. Mix tapes are a time-honored driving tradition."
Castiel merely raised an eyebrow as Stairway to Heaven began. When Carry On played, he tipped his head to the side. The next song was Baba O'Riley. Cas was smiling; he looked at Dean, and said, "I believe I like this 'classic rock'. But the car is a confining, frustrating vehicle. I prefer to fly."
"Dude, do not diss the Impala, she and I, we're the one true pairing in my life, my true love," Dean patted the steering wheel affectionately.
"Humans cannot share intimacy with inanimate objects," Cas pointed out.
"Oh, people find ways," Dean smiled dementedly. They were silent as Over the Hills and Far Away played, and Cas was smiling again. He liked that Cas appreciated Zeppelin.
"Are you in love, Dean?" Cas asked, as the last chords echoed through the car. Dean turned down Back in Black a little, so he could talk.
"Heh, no. Hunters, we can't afford to love. It's too dangerous to give the forces of darkness that sort of advantage over us," Dean frowned.
"Were you ever in love?" Cas cocked his head to the side.
"A few times, I thought I might be. This yoga instructor, Lisa. She was pretty amazing. Another hunter, Cassie. A girl named Jo, family friend. She was spunky, fearless. I coulda loved her, in another life… I start to care, and then I remember I can't afford to involve anyone in our lives. We die every other week, it wouldn't be fair to drag someone else into an apocalypse," Dean sighed.
"Do you think about it, on occasion?"
"Falling in love?"
Cas inclined his head.
"Yeah. I think about Lisa a lot. She really was somethin' special. Brave, beautiful, spunky. Bendy. She had this kid, Ben. Coolest kid ever, man," Dean smiled at the memory, "Actually… I kinda think Ben is my kid. I… He's a really cool kid. Lisa… I don't think she wants me to worry about them. But I think about 'em, a lot. If I was gonna fall in love. Yeah. Anyway. Angels don't fall in love?"
"We... form pair bonds. Occasionally. We love our Father, mostly."
"Well, that sounds like buttloads of fun."
"It was not unpleasant, at times," Cas's lips twitched in that charming almost smile. Dean tried to decide which he found more appealing- Cas almost smiling or Cas out and out grinning. Okay, stop that. You don't like his smile at all. You just feel more comfortable when he's not acting like a Vulcan, he told himself sternly.
"Yeah. Somehow, I doubt anyone could really enjoy being heaven's little bitch." Dean snorted.
"It wasn't always like that." Castiel looked wistful for a moment.
Dean turned the music back up. Now it was No One Like You. He snuck a glance at Cas. His pink, enticing lips were pursed in thought. I should get him some lip balm- Dean caught himself before the evil Cas-kisses thoughts could invade his brain.
Dean was very grateful that the cop hadn't gotten suspicious of Castiel's spastic behavior, as hilarious and adorable as he unwillingly found it. Cas had left him alone in the abandoned house for an unspecified amount of time, and Dean was tired and horny, worked up from the all-day constant Cas contact. He sat on the tattered couch, and unzipped his pants. He slid his hand down, and thought about his weekend with Lisa, a decade ago. The bending, oh God, the bending… Then, like some unholy compulsion, as Dean hovered on the brink of orgasm, Dream-Cas's miracle blow job popped into his mind, and he came.
Dean was in a foul mood when Cas returned. He brightened at the prospect of a night of drinking and whoring, though, a nice re-affirming of his sexuality, and proof of Cas's was just what he needed.
Awesome. Dean thought, and then later What's that screaming? It was hilarious in the end, but Cas was still virginal. Some things just aren't meant to be, he told himself as he and Cas got in the Impala. Black Dog came on as they drove to the motel. Dean was mildly buzzed, and Castiel seemed to enjoy the taste of beer if not feel the effects, so Dean stopped at liquor store, and got a random assortment of bottled beers together.
Dean insisted they get a motel room for the night, as he required things like beds with Magic Fingers and television for comfort. Cas drank as much as Dean, but Dean descended into a silly, relaxed, drunken state that the angel didn't reach. There was a tension to Cas's body that Dean wanted to erase, or maybe that was because Dean insisted on showing him the Magic Fingers, and Cas was not as big a fan of the vibrating bed as Dean was. They lay sprawled on the bed, Cas's trench coat on the floor, Dean's bare feet hanging over the end of the bed. Cas refused to remove his socks, but Dean convinced him not to put his shoes on the bed. Dean's legs had somehow become crossed with Cas's, but he was too drunk to care. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid was playing on some movie channel, and he was pleased as punch with how the day had gone. He hadn't felt this good, this relaxed in… Fuck, he sobered a little, remembering again how very long it had been.
Castiel was extremely nervous. The alcohol, the stress of the impending doom and the den of inequity, the proximity to Dean, all of these things were wreaking havoc inside the angel's head. He couldn't stop having the urge to reach over and touch Dean… anywhere. He wanted that skin on skin contact from his vision, increasingly desperately. He didn't know what to do, or say, exactly to instigate the contact, but he felt a compulsion to do something to distract himself.
"Who are Bert and Ernie? And why are they happy?" Castiel asked suddenly. He kept shifting his arms, as if he didn't know what to do with them.
"Uhh… Well." Dean's drunken mind tried to figure how to explain homosexuality to a smiter of sodomites. "When guys fall in love with other guys… or if they fuck em'… We call 'em gay. 'M not sure why. And Bert and Ernie were two guys on a TV show who just… seemed to have this bond, this really close friendship. Even though the show claimed they were just two guys, living together, and it was a kid's show, which makes it even more fucked up. I dunno."
"I hate your stupid references," Cas smiled a little, his tone indicating his growing grasp of humor, then he sighed, "Sodomites. They really emphasized the wrong points about that in the Bible." Now, he frowned, shifting to his side, to look at Dean.
Dean was suddenly super aware of where their bodies touched.
Cas searched for the right words. The contact of his body with Dean's, the events of the night, it was all too much, after the months of wanting the hunter, after dying and then losing everything he'd ever known but Dean. "You know, that brothel made me extremely nervous. I don't think I have interest in any other human."
Woah. Any other human? Dean thought.
"Certainly not at that house of whores. But… I do not think I wish to die a 'virgin'," he placed a hesitant hand on Dean's arm as he spoke. Dean felt a tingling rush through his body from the point of contact.
What the hell am I doing? thought Castiel, shocked at his own brazenness.
"What, exactly, are you proposing? Because it sure as hell better not be sweaty man-sex." Dean was suddenly extremely tense. He could feel the hairs on the back oh his neck stand up, and he was struck by the overwhelming sensation that he was too drunk for the conversation they were about to have.
"Oh." Cas looked crestfallen. His hand fell away.
Dean almost wanted to reach out and take it back. What the hell? Where did that come from? He squashed it. I am so not into dudes. Definitely not nerdy angel dudes.
"Dude, are you gay?" Does he know about the dreams? raced through Dean's thoughts. The impossibly blue eyes searched Dean's face.
Cas didn't mean to eavesdrop on Dean's thoughts, but in their intoxicated state, Dean was practically broadcasting. Cas was shocked to receive the images of what Dean had been dreaming about in a flood through his brain. Cas putting his mouth- oh.
"I know of your dreams, now. I didn't cause them, but, when you were with Anna, I could feel… I saw some of what occurred. I think that is why I wish to do this with you, why I have these feelings." Something inside Cas snapped, and at the memory of Dean's dreams, he gave in to his most recent impulse.
"Dude, I just don't swing-" Dean was abruptly cut off by Cas's lips pressed against his own. Warm, oh god, so fucking warm and wet and sweet- the angel was an astoundingly good kisser, a better kisser than his Dream-Self. Dean could feel the stubble of Cas's perpetual five o'clock shadow and was shocked that it felt good, better than good against his face. Cas's tongue slid hesitantly between his lips and then more confidently caressed his own.
Cas was kissing Dean. He had kissed Dean. The angel was amazed at himself, and even more amazed at the way the kiss felt. Dean's lips were full and warm, and perfect. The kiss shot through him, sending new sensations coursing through his body. He let his tongue slide hesitantly over Dean's bottom lip, and then more confidently into Dean's mouth, as he felt the hunter's lips part for him. He felt a tightening in his groin, aching, but pleasurable.
Unconsciously, Dean relaxed into the kiss, letting his free hand go around the other man's waist. Castiel responded by pulling Dean against his body, his fingers sliding along Dean's bare skin, and then Dean could feel the hardness pressing against his hip. He felt the same response quicken in his pants. Oh shit. He broke the kiss.
"Woah. Okay. Dude. Apply brakes, check mirrors." He was breathing heavily. His lips felt swollen, overheated. Other parts of his body felt… more so.
"What?" Cas looked more disheveled than usual, eyes bewildered. "Is that not how you dreamed it?" What did I do wrong? he thought in panic.
Dean blushed as he remembered the other things he had dreamed about. "Cas, it's not that easy. I can't just change like that. I'm not some Gaylord McGaypants."
"If this is truly our last night on earth, what does it matter who you copulate with?" Cas's hands were still around Dean's waist, fingers still sending those wonderful tingles along his spine from each hot point of contact.
"Well, when you put it like that, just take me now, cowboy. Uh, that was sarcasm," he said as Cas moved forward again.
"Dean, I… I thought about this at length. The only being I would wish to share this with is you. Until I knew you, I never desired anything like this. You are… special… To me."
In the moonlight, even through the intoxication and arousal, Castiel looked so innocent, so pure as he asked Dean to rethink everything he had ever known about his sexuality, that Dean felt his barriers crumble. It's not like you've never thought about it before, Dean reminded himself, fuck, more than one. Dreamed about it.
"Aw, fuck, Cas." Dean said, and before he could change his mind again, he pulled the angel to him and kissed him hard. After a minute, he pulled away, both of them gasping. "Okay. Tonight. Last night on earth. One time." He honestly didn't give a fuck what it mean about his orientation anymore, it only mattered that it wasn't just him having those thoughts, that Cas wanted it just as badly as he did.
"Oh, yes…" Castiel moaned into his mouth. Cas was on him, kissing, sliding his hands over Dean's torso, sliding them down…
"Okay. Hold up there." God help him, was that a smile curling his lips? Do I think Cas's new horndog 'tude is actually… adorable? "Control yourself."
"I have controlled myself for a millennium." Cas looked annoyed and ecstatic at the same time. Dean let out a little laugh at the angel's impatience. Did I just fucking giggle? I'm so gay. Okay, now focus. No, don't focus. Let go.
They were all over each other, kissing and touching and pulling away all the clothes keeping their bodies apart. Dean slid his hands along Cas's chest, feeling the fuzz under his fingers, foreign and kinda weird, but the skin underneath arousing him, at the same time. Cas's body was surprisingly well muscled, with a long, lean abdomen leading down to hip bones that Dean could only describe as fucking perfect.
Cas was lost in the way Dean's flesh felt sliding against his own, each tiny nerve sending bursts of heat to his brain, each touch entirely new and incredible to the angel.
"Your skin," Cas gasped, "against me!" He pushed Dean's increasingly naked body back onto the bed, "I didn't know it could feel like this. The vision… this is so much more…" At a loss for descriptive words, he nuzzled Dean's neck, flicked his tongue experimentally over his hardened nipple. It felt like electricity shot down Dean's abdomen right into his suddenly raging hard-on.
"Yeah," Dean's already deep voice was huskier than usual, "Skin feels pretty good. Ooooh, yeah, skin is good." That voice and that breath, groaned into Cas's neck felt just as good but completely different against the angel's skin. Cas thought about Dean's dream. He felt a thrill go through him, thinking about what he had seen.
"I wish to do to you what you dreamed of. With my mouth." The wide blue eyes looked so, well, angelic, as he uttered possibly the filthiest sentence of his existence, and Dean hadn't thought he could have possibly gotten any harder, but he did at that.
"I'd… I'd like that," Dean rasped. He helped Cas slide off his boxers, and then the hot, wet mouth was circling his cock, delicate licks to the head and then swirling around and under. He had never felt anything like it, better than his dream. Castiel knew exactly what he wanted, what he needed, before he could ask or vocalize or even form a coherent thought. Dean watched the dark head moving up and down on his lap, the angel's cheeks hollowing with the gradually increasing suction. Cas brought him nearly to orgasm and it took the very last shred of Dean's willpower to stave off climax.
"Cas. Oh, Cas. Stop, oh, I need you to stop." Cas looked up, that crestfallen, scared emotion entering his eyes again.
"Am I doing it wrong? I read your thoughts, to know how-" Cas found he loved the feel of the warm skin in his mouth, the way Dean arched against him, and the sensations rolling off him into the angel's consciousness.
"Oh, that is sooo not it. You are doing great, baby. Just… Uh… Do you know how sex works? What an orgasm is?"
"It's the sexual release at the end of the copulation."
"Uh… yes. That's right. But I don't want to… uh, release just yet, " Dean looked away from the eyes, those fucking eyes that cut though all my walls and see me, "Cas. We need to talk for a minute. You know I've never really done anything like this before?"
"Neither have I." Cas had hit a point of no return. He wasn't sure he was capable of stopping.
"Yeah, but you don't seem to be really fuckin' nervous about it. I just… Oh god." Cas was slowly twisting his hand up and down Dean's shaft. "Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"Please don't say that." The hand kept moving, and it was hard for Dean to focus on the words.
"What?"
"God." Oh, right. Angel. I can see how that would be freaky. Dean thought.
"I didn't mean to. I… oh g- uh… humans scream that during sex sometimes."
"That's very odd, as humans believe God has strict guidelines when it comes to sex." The hand was so perfectly warm and so much softer than Dean would have thought, the fingers long and delicate.
"I think that's partly why we do it. Well, that, and some people think sex is as close as we can get to God. That feels so fucking good." Dean moved his hips against Cas.
"Your whole race is silly." The hand continued its twisting.
"Okay. Yeah. Silly humans," Dean was gasping for breath, "This is just, sex, and it's gonna hurt, and I haven't-"
"Dean. I am an Angel of the Lord. Have some faith in me, stop talking, and fuck me," Cas growled, sliding his other hand down to tease Dean's balls, and Dean almost lost it again.
"Okay, okay. Please, Cas, stop," Once again, he had to muster up that last shred of willpower, "It's your turn. The whole point of this was you not dying a virgin, right?" He pulled the angel down next to him, and let his hand trail down the pale chest. The feel of hair under his fingers was strange but not unpleasant. He explored Cas's skin, trying to calm himself, trying to figure his next move. He kissed a path down Cas's shoulder and paused to lightly bite at his nipples. Cas moaned and rose off the bed towards the sensation.
"Dean, this… this is-" Cas whimpered.
"Baby, you ain't seen nothin' yet," Dean smirked at his joke, even if Cas didn't get it and was too far gone to care. He stayed for a few minutes, sucking gently and laying a kiss on each hardened bud before continuing down the light trail of hair and then he slid his fingers under the waistband of the briefs- "Of course Jimmy was a briefs kinda guy..." he murmured. As he eased them off, he was definitely intimidated by the size of their contents. "Woah. You are packing, Cas."
"Packing?"
"Uh… You're well endowed?" Fucking huge is more like it. Impressive. Dean felt his own cock twitch at the sight of Cas's.
"Is this a good thing?" Cas wanted so badly to please Dean.
"Yeah. It would get you some popularity with the ladies. Or the fellows, I suppose." And I am definitely going to be the dude, Dean thought.
"Is it pleasing to you?" Cas had his concerned eyes on again.
"It's fucking hot, if that's what you mean." Dean kissed Cas's hip ever so gently, and then closer to the intimidating topic of discussion. "I'm sorry if I'm not good at this, Cas. I can't read minds," he smiled, that half embarrassed, half delighted, adorable Dean Winchester smile, and then darted his tongue out to tentatively lick at the tip. Cas was amazed all over again by the variation of skin-on-skin sensations. This particular one was thrilling, the sensitive skin of his cock set ablaze by the soft, wet flesh of Dean's tongue laving the slit of his cock. Dean then took as much of it into his mouth as he could manage.
Cas moaned, and arched against the perfect lips.
This isn't that hard, Dean thought, It's actually… sexy. Really sexy. I could get used to this. The responsiveness of the angel was the most erotic part, to him, the moaning and writhing under his increasingly confident ministrations. He didn't want to stop, but he also wanted the familiar, reassuring act of penetration. Oh, it's more than that. You want to be inside Cas. You want to take away all of that holiness and replace it with dirty fucking sex, another unbidden thought.
"Please… I want you there," Cas was twitching, desperate for something that he didn't understand, "Inside."
Dean was pleased that he kept implements of sexual destruction on hand. Not that he ever thought he'd need lube for a man, just for the consideration factor with the ladies, but now, it came in handy. He oiled a finger, and slowly-
"Hey, do angels poop?" He couldn't hold back the question as it popped into his head.
"What?" Cas's head jerked up, eyebrow raised quizzically. "No. We don't require sustenance, thus have no need for digestion. How is that relevant?"
"Oh, you'll see." Dean took as much of the beautiful cock into his mouth as he could and slowly sunk his finger into Cas.
"Oh fuck, oh hell, son of a bitch," Cas let loose with every expletive he knew, voice completely wrecked. Dean added a second finger, as the angel seemed to be oblivious to any pain associated with stretching. All of the writhing was towards his finger. Dean caressed the sensitive pocket of nerves he had heard was so sensitive, and from the reaction, he thought, Hey, guess it is that awesome.
"Shit, fuck, oh yes, oh, please fuck me…" Cas went wild, bucking against Dean's hand and mouth, babbling obscenities.
"Yeah. Okay," Dean kissed the straining hip, and then withdrew his fingers, "You didn't really need the preparation, anyway," he pulled Cas up, "Turn around. I'll show you why humans scream out the Lord's name." He grinned and nipped at the back of Cas's neck. As he looked down at the angel's back, he wasn't really surprised to see tiny, feathered scars in the shape of wings on his back. Cas looked back at him, eyes trusting, and Dean thought Oh hell, stop procrastinating, and slid inside, slowly and smoothly.
"Oh, Dean, oh god…" Cas moaned, he felt gloriously stretched, he felt complete, he just felt everything, he felt everything Dean felt, he felt Dean's cock pressing against some special place that made it seem like his world was exploding into a million shooting stars.
Too fast, a few slick pumps of Dean's hand on Cas's cock and a few pushes into that glorious warmth and that miracle humans referred to as simultaneous orgasm happened, leaving both men shaking in its wake.
"Was that what you wanted it to be?" Dean whispered, once the ability to speak returned.
"Oh yes. That was… that was as close to God as I've ever been," Cas replied, and pulled Dean down beside him, "Thank you. Oh, thank you."
Dean wrapped his arms around the smaller man. He could feel slight shaking still, a vibration along Cas's back. "Oh, the pleasure was definitely all mine," he nuzzled his face into the side of the angel's neck, "Can I fall asleep? Is that cool?"
"Of course."
"I mean… Don't leave me, ok? While I'm sleeping?" That sentence was as close to vulnerable as Dean got.
"Dean, I will never leave you," Cas whispered, but the hunter was already asleep. Castiel watched him, savoring the first time he had seen Dean completely stripped of his constant pain, his macho posturing, his inner demons. The hunter twitched, like a dreaming dog, and pulled Cas closer.
Cas looked upwards for a moment, and murmured, "I am grateful to you for this gift."
He watched Dean sleep until he had to wake him, an hour before sunrise.
The story continues here: http://ninjapsammead.livejournal.com/6336.html
Author: Psammead
Summary: Pseudo-Canon: Dean and Cas have a relationship of sorts over the span of 3 years. They have that profound bond, but it’s not some chick-flick, one-true-love deal. It’s messy and painful, but desperately sweet. It's what could have happened off screen.
Rating: NC-17
Notes/Warnings: An attempt to stick to canon. Spoilers, massive, massive spoilers, as this fic runs concurrent with seasons 4, 5 and 6. Destiel, this chapter has sex.
Disclaimer: I'm not Kripke or Gamble, I obviously do not own Supernatural, Dean or Castiel in any way, shape or form, because if I did, you would be watching this on HBO complete with swearing and sex instead.
Thank you!
The story starts here: http://ninjapsammead.livejournal.com/1797.html
Someday I'll figure out how to make links that look like sentences.
Author's note: There's a lot more sex from this point on. This is the only scene written in both character's perspectives, which I know is awkward, but I wanted to try. The rest are not.
Chapter Six: You Shook Me All Night Long
The idea that Cas was dead was incomprehensible to Dean. He looked away from Sam and Chuck, wanting to cry for a moment and then beating down the emotion. He thought, if Cas was dead, I'd feel it, somehow, like when Sammy died, like a part of myself was gone, too. I'm not in love with the dorky angel, but after what Cas did for me, I gotta admit that there's an unbreakable bond there. I'd know if he was really dead.
The events that unfolded next kept him too busy to dwell on Cas, and all too soon, he was facing down Zachariah again. As the sadistic son-of-a-bitch tried to apply the right pressure to make Dean cave, Dean almost laughed a little inside. Funny how the hell the angels put me through made me hardened enough to say no to Zack while Sammy bleeds out.
When Cas saved him, he felt an overwhelming wave of relief, Cas, alive, deadly and fucking kicking ass. If Dean hadn't been cancer ridden, he might have leaped over to Cas and hugged the shit out of him.
The angel was brusque, leaving abruptly, and that quelled his happiness. Cas was dead and I didn't feel it at all. But at least he's back now, Dean thought, even if he bailed right away.
When Cas came to them at the hospital, his attitude made more sense. Dean was surprised at Cas's anger, he didn't like it at all and started to get pissed, but then he saw the desperation in the blue eyes, and realized the enormity Cas had given for him, and how epically he had failed Cas.
"Dean. Give it to me." Dean thought for a moment that the demand was laced with righteousness, and began to form a angry "no", but as he studied the tired eyes, he realized Cas was speaking with desperation and quiet determination.
"All right, I guess."
By the next day, Sam left him. He wasn't sure what had happened bring Sam to that conclusion, but he didn't have it in him to argue. Dean thought he'd feel something, watching Sam go, but he didn't, just numb. After everything, Sam was a reminder of how badly he had failed everyone, a reminder of how much he'd lost. He didn't need that.
The angel was in his bubble again, and he smelled delicious, like pie and that bizarre angel spice, sweet and mysterious. Sunshine? Stardust? Dean was reflexively crabby and moved away before he could start smelling him again. He hadn't heard from Cas in weeks, and now he just shows up, demanding help? Okay, begging for help. Dean suddenly realized how incredibly alone and desperate Castiel was. Morally, he had to help Cas now, he'd promised.
Just don't smell him, Dean told himself.
The drive to Maine was interesting. Dean popped in his old mix tape from when he and his Dad used to hunt together.
"Okay, Cas. I showed you a movie, and you showed me a poem. So now, I'm gonna show you the beauty of classic rock and muscle cars. Mix tapes are a time-honored driving tradition."
Castiel merely raised an eyebrow as Stairway to Heaven began. When Carry On played, he tipped his head to the side. The next song was Baba O'Riley. Cas was smiling; he looked at Dean, and said, "I believe I like this 'classic rock'. But the car is a confining, frustrating vehicle. I prefer to fly."
"Dude, do not diss the Impala, she and I, we're the one true pairing in my life, my true love," Dean patted the steering wheel affectionately.
"Humans cannot share intimacy with inanimate objects," Cas pointed out.
"Oh, people find ways," Dean smiled dementedly. They were silent as Over the Hills and Far Away played, and Cas was smiling again. He liked that Cas appreciated Zeppelin.
"Are you in love, Dean?" Cas asked, as the last chords echoed through the car. Dean turned down Back in Black a little, so he could talk.
"Heh, no. Hunters, we can't afford to love. It's too dangerous to give the forces of darkness that sort of advantage over us," Dean frowned.
"Were you ever in love?" Cas cocked his head to the side.
"A few times, I thought I might be. This yoga instructor, Lisa. She was pretty amazing. Another hunter, Cassie. A girl named Jo, family friend. She was spunky, fearless. I coulda loved her, in another life… I start to care, and then I remember I can't afford to involve anyone in our lives. We die every other week, it wouldn't be fair to drag someone else into an apocalypse," Dean sighed.
"Do you think about it, on occasion?"
"Falling in love?"
Cas inclined his head.
"Yeah. I think about Lisa a lot. She really was somethin' special. Brave, beautiful, spunky. Bendy. She had this kid, Ben. Coolest kid ever, man," Dean smiled at the memory, "Actually… I kinda think Ben is my kid. I… He's a really cool kid. Lisa… I don't think she wants me to worry about them. But I think about 'em, a lot. If I was gonna fall in love. Yeah. Anyway. Angels don't fall in love?"
"We... form pair bonds. Occasionally. We love our Father, mostly."
"Well, that sounds like buttloads of fun."
"It was not unpleasant, at times," Cas's lips twitched in that charming almost smile. Dean tried to decide which he found more appealing- Cas almost smiling or Cas out and out grinning. Okay, stop that. You don't like his smile at all. You just feel more comfortable when he's not acting like a Vulcan, he told himself sternly.
"Yeah. Somehow, I doubt anyone could really enjoy being heaven's little bitch." Dean snorted.
"It wasn't always like that." Castiel looked wistful for a moment.
Dean turned the music back up. Now it was No One Like You. He snuck a glance at Cas. His pink, enticing lips were pursed in thought. I should get him some lip balm- Dean caught himself before the evil Cas-kisses thoughts could invade his brain.
Dean was very grateful that the cop hadn't gotten suspicious of Castiel's spastic behavior, as hilarious and adorable as he unwillingly found it. Cas had left him alone in the abandoned house for an unspecified amount of time, and Dean was tired and horny, worked up from the all-day constant Cas contact. He sat on the tattered couch, and unzipped his pants. He slid his hand down, and thought about his weekend with Lisa, a decade ago. The bending, oh God, the bending… Then, like some unholy compulsion, as Dean hovered on the brink of orgasm, Dream-Cas's miracle blow job popped into his mind, and he came.
Dean was in a foul mood when Cas returned. He brightened at the prospect of a night of drinking and whoring, though, a nice re-affirming of his sexuality, and proof of Cas's was just what he needed.
Awesome. Dean thought, and then later What's that screaming? It was hilarious in the end, but Cas was still virginal. Some things just aren't meant to be, he told himself as he and Cas got in the Impala. Black Dog came on as they drove to the motel. Dean was mildly buzzed, and Castiel seemed to enjoy the taste of beer if not feel the effects, so Dean stopped at liquor store, and got a random assortment of bottled beers together.
Dean insisted they get a motel room for the night, as he required things like beds with Magic Fingers and television for comfort. Cas drank as much as Dean, but Dean descended into a silly, relaxed, drunken state that the angel didn't reach. There was a tension to Cas's body that Dean wanted to erase, or maybe that was because Dean insisted on showing him the Magic Fingers, and Cas was not as big a fan of the vibrating bed as Dean was. They lay sprawled on the bed, Cas's trench coat on the floor, Dean's bare feet hanging over the end of the bed. Cas refused to remove his socks, but Dean convinced him not to put his shoes on the bed. Dean's legs had somehow become crossed with Cas's, but he was too drunk to care. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid was playing on some movie channel, and he was pleased as punch with how the day had gone. He hadn't felt this good, this relaxed in… Fuck, he sobered a little, remembering again how very long it had been.
Castiel was extremely nervous. The alcohol, the stress of the impending doom and the den of inequity, the proximity to Dean, all of these things were wreaking havoc inside the angel's head. He couldn't stop having the urge to reach over and touch Dean… anywhere. He wanted that skin on skin contact from his vision, increasingly desperately. He didn't know what to do, or say, exactly to instigate the contact, but he felt a compulsion to do something to distract himself.
"Who are Bert and Ernie? And why are they happy?" Castiel asked suddenly. He kept shifting his arms, as if he didn't know what to do with them.
"Uhh… Well." Dean's drunken mind tried to figure how to explain homosexuality to a smiter of sodomites. "When guys fall in love with other guys… or if they fuck em'… We call 'em gay. 'M not sure why. And Bert and Ernie were two guys on a TV show who just… seemed to have this bond, this really close friendship. Even though the show claimed they were just two guys, living together, and it was a kid's show, which makes it even more fucked up. I dunno."
"I hate your stupid references," Cas smiled a little, his tone indicating his growing grasp of humor, then he sighed, "Sodomites. They really emphasized the wrong points about that in the Bible." Now, he frowned, shifting to his side, to look at Dean.
Dean was suddenly super aware of where their bodies touched.
Cas searched for the right words. The contact of his body with Dean's, the events of the night, it was all too much, after the months of wanting the hunter, after dying and then losing everything he'd ever known but Dean. "You know, that brothel made me extremely nervous. I don't think I have interest in any other human."
Woah. Any other human? Dean thought.
"Certainly not at that house of whores. But… I do not think I wish to die a 'virgin'," he placed a hesitant hand on Dean's arm as he spoke. Dean felt a tingling rush through his body from the point of contact.
What the hell am I doing? thought Castiel, shocked at his own brazenness.
"What, exactly, are you proposing? Because it sure as hell better not be sweaty man-sex." Dean was suddenly extremely tense. He could feel the hairs on the back oh his neck stand up, and he was struck by the overwhelming sensation that he was too drunk for the conversation they were about to have.
"Oh." Cas looked crestfallen. His hand fell away.
Dean almost wanted to reach out and take it back. What the hell? Where did that come from? He squashed it. I am so not into dudes. Definitely not nerdy angel dudes.
"Dude, are you gay?" Does he know about the dreams? raced through Dean's thoughts. The impossibly blue eyes searched Dean's face.
Cas didn't mean to eavesdrop on Dean's thoughts, but in their intoxicated state, Dean was practically broadcasting. Cas was shocked to receive the images of what Dean had been dreaming about in a flood through his brain. Cas putting his mouth- oh.
"I know of your dreams, now. I didn't cause them, but, when you were with Anna, I could feel… I saw some of what occurred. I think that is why I wish to do this with you, why I have these feelings." Something inside Cas snapped, and at the memory of Dean's dreams, he gave in to his most recent impulse.
"Dude, I just don't swing-" Dean was abruptly cut off by Cas's lips pressed against his own. Warm, oh god, so fucking warm and wet and sweet- the angel was an astoundingly good kisser, a better kisser than his Dream-Self. Dean could feel the stubble of Cas's perpetual five o'clock shadow and was shocked that it felt good, better than good against his face. Cas's tongue slid hesitantly between his lips and then more confidently caressed his own.
Cas was kissing Dean. He had kissed Dean. The angel was amazed at himself, and even more amazed at the way the kiss felt. Dean's lips were full and warm, and perfect. The kiss shot through him, sending new sensations coursing through his body. He let his tongue slide hesitantly over Dean's bottom lip, and then more confidently into Dean's mouth, as he felt the hunter's lips part for him. He felt a tightening in his groin, aching, but pleasurable.
Unconsciously, Dean relaxed into the kiss, letting his free hand go around the other man's waist. Castiel responded by pulling Dean against his body, his fingers sliding along Dean's bare skin, and then Dean could feel the hardness pressing against his hip. He felt the same response quicken in his pants. Oh shit. He broke the kiss.
"Woah. Okay. Dude. Apply brakes, check mirrors." He was breathing heavily. His lips felt swollen, overheated. Other parts of his body felt… more so.
"What?" Cas looked more disheveled than usual, eyes bewildered. "Is that not how you dreamed it?" What did I do wrong? he thought in panic.
Dean blushed as he remembered the other things he had dreamed about. "Cas, it's not that easy. I can't just change like that. I'm not some Gaylord McGaypants."
"If this is truly our last night on earth, what does it matter who you copulate with?" Cas's hands were still around Dean's waist, fingers still sending those wonderful tingles along his spine from each hot point of contact.
"Well, when you put it like that, just take me now, cowboy. Uh, that was sarcasm," he said as Cas moved forward again.
"Dean, I… I thought about this at length. The only being I would wish to share this with is you. Until I knew you, I never desired anything like this. You are… special… To me."
In the moonlight, even through the intoxication and arousal, Castiel looked so innocent, so pure as he asked Dean to rethink everything he had ever known about his sexuality, that Dean felt his barriers crumble. It's not like you've never thought about it before, Dean reminded himself, fuck, more than one. Dreamed about it.
"Aw, fuck, Cas." Dean said, and before he could change his mind again, he pulled the angel to him and kissed him hard. After a minute, he pulled away, both of them gasping. "Okay. Tonight. Last night on earth. One time." He honestly didn't give a fuck what it mean about his orientation anymore, it only mattered that it wasn't just him having those thoughts, that Cas wanted it just as badly as he did.
"Oh, yes…" Castiel moaned into his mouth. Cas was on him, kissing, sliding his hands over Dean's torso, sliding them down…
"Okay. Hold up there." God help him, was that a smile curling his lips? Do I think Cas's new horndog 'tude is actually… adorable? "Control yourself."
"I have controlled myself for a millennium." Cas looked annoyed and ecstatic at the same time. Dean let out a little laugh at the angel's impatience. Did I just fucking giggle? I'm so gay. Okay, now focus. No, don't focus. Let go.
They were all over each other, kissing and touching and pulling away all the clothes keeping their bodies apart. Dean slid his hands along Cas's chest, feeling the fuzz under his fingers, foreign and kinda weird, but the skin underneath arousing him, at the same time. Cas's body was surprisingly well muscled, with a long, lean abdomen leading down to hip bones that Dean could only describe as fucking perfect.
Cas was lost in the way Dean's flesh felt sliding against his own, each tiny nerve sending bursts of heat to his brain, each touch entirely new and incredible to the angel.
"Your skin," Cas gasped, "against me!" He pushed Dean's increasingly naked body back onto the bed, "I didn't know it could feel like this. The vision… this is so much more…" At a loss for descriptive words, he nuzzled Dean's neck, flicked his tongue experimentally over his hardened nipple. It felt like electricity shot down Dean's abdomen right into his suddenly raging hard-on.
"Yeah," Dean's already deep voice was huskier than usual, "Skin feels pretty good. Ooooh, yeah, skin is good." That voice and that breath, groaned into Cas's neck felt just as good but completely different against the angel's skin. Cas thought about Dean's dream. He felt a thrill go through him, thinking about what he had seen.
"I wish to do to you what you dreamed of. With my mouth." The wide blue eyes looked so, well, angelic, as he uttered possibly the filthiest sentence of his existence, and Dean hadn't thought he could have possibly gotten any harder, but he did at that.
"I'd… I'd like that," Dean rasped. He helped Cas slide off his boxers, and then the hot, wet mouth was circling his cock, delicate licks to the head and then swirling around and under. He had never felt anything like it, better than his dream. Castiel knew exactly what he wanted, what he needed, before he could ask or vocalize or even form a coherent thought. Dean watched the dark head moving up and down on his lap, the angel's cheeks hollowing with the gradually increasing suction. Cas brought him nearly to orgasm and it took the very last shred of Dean's willpower to stave off climax.
"Cas. Oh, Cas. Stop, oh, I need you to stop." Cas looked up, that crestfallen, scared emotion entering his eyes again.
"Am I doing it wrong? I read your thoughts, to know how-" Cas found he loved the feel of the warm skin in his mouth, the way Dean arched against him, and the sensations rolling off him into the angel's consciousness.
"Oh, that is sooo not it. You are doing great, baby. Just… Uh… Do you know how sex works? What an orgasm is?"
"It's the sexual release at the end of the copulation."
"Uh… yes. That's right. But I don't want to… uh, release just yet, " Dean looked away from the eyes, those fucking eyes that cut though all my walls and see me, "Cas. We need to talk for a minute. You know I've never really done anything like this before?"
"Neither have I." Cas had hit a point of no return. He wasn't sure he was capable of stopping.
"Yeah, but you don't seem to be really fuckin' nervous about it. I just… Oh god." Cas was slowly twisting his hand up and down Dean's shaft. "Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"Please don't say that." The hand kept moving, and it was hard for Dean to focus on the words.
"What?"
"God." Oh, right. Angel. I can see how that would be freaky. Dean thought.
"I didn't mean to. I… oh g- uh… humans scream that during sex sometimes."
"That's very odd, as humans believe God has strict guidelines when it comes to sex." The hand was so perfectly warm and so much softer than Dean would have thought, the fingers long and delicate.
"I think that's partly why we do it. Well, that, and some people think sex is as close as we can get to God. That feels so fucking good." Dean moved his hips against Cas.
"Your whole race is silly." The hand continued its twisting.
"Okay. Yeah. Silly humans," Dean was gasping for breath, "This is just, sex, and it's gonna hurt, and I haven't-"
"Dean. I am an Angel of the Lord. Have some faith in me, stop talking, and fuck me," Cas growled, sliding his other hand down to tease Dean's balls, and Dean almost lost it again.
"Okay, okay. Please, Cas, stop," Once again, he had to muster up that last shred of willpower, "It's your turn. The whole point of this was you not dying a virgin, right?" He pulled the angel down next to him, and let his hand trail down the pale chest. The feel of hair under his fingers was strange but not unpleasant. He explored Cas's skin, trying to calm himself, trying to figure his next move. He kissed a path down Cas's shoulder and paused to lightly bite at his nipples. Cas moaned and rose off the bed towards the sensation.
"Dean, this… this is-" Cas whimpered.
"Baby, you ain't seen nothin' yet," Dean smirked at his joke, even if Cas didn't get it and was too far gone to care. He stayed for a few minutes, sucking gently and laying a kiss on each hardened bud before continuing down the light trail of hair and then he slid his fingers under the waistband of the briefs- "Of course Jimmy was a briefs kinda guy..." he murmured. As he eased them off, he was definitely intimidated by the size of their contents. "Woah. You are packing, Cas."
"Packing?"
"Uh… You're well endowed?" Fucking huge is more like it. Impressive. Dean felt his own cock twitch at the sight of Cas's.
"Is this a good thing?" Cas wanted so badly to please Dean.
"Yeah. It would get you some popularity with the ladies. Or the fellows, I suppose." And I am definitely going to be the dude, Dean thought.
"Is it pleasing to you?" Cas had his concerned eyes on again.
"It's fucking hot, if that's what you mean." Dean kissed Cas's hip ever so gently, and then closer to the intimidating topic of discussion. "I'm sorry if I'm not good at this, Cas. I can't read minds," he smiled, that half embarrassed, half delighted, adorable Dean Winchester smile, and then darted his tongue out to tentatively lick at the tip. Cas was amazed all over again by the variation of skin-on-skin sensations. This particular one was thrilling, the sensitive skin of his cock set ablaze by the soft, wet flesh of Dean's tongue laving the slit of his cock. Dean then took as much of it into his mouth as he could manage.
Cas moaned, and arched against the perfect lips.
This isn't that hard, Dean thought, It's actually… sexy. Really sexy. I could get used to this. The responsiveness of the angel was the most erotic part, to him, the moaning and writhing under his increasingly confident ministrations. He didn't want to stop, but he also wanted the familiar, reassuring act of penetration. Oh, it's more than that. You want to be inside Cas. You want to take away all of that holiness and replace it with dirty fucking sex, another unbidden thought.
"Please… I want you there," Cas was twitching, desperate for something that he didn't understand, "Inside."
Dean was pleased that he kept implements of sexual destruction on hand. Not that he ever thought he'd need lube for a man, just for the consideration factor with the ladies, but now, it came in handy. He oiled a finger, and slowly-
"Hey, do angels poop?" He couldn't hold back the question as it popped into his head.
"What?" Cas's head jerked up, eyebrow raised quizzically. "No. We don't require sustenance, thus have no need for digestion. How is that relevant?"
"Oh, you'll see." Dean took as much of the beautiful cock into his mouth as he could and slowly sunk his finger into Cas.
"Oh fuck, oh hell, son of a bitch," Cas let loose with every expletive he knew, voice completely wrecked. Dean added a second finger, as the angel seemed to be oblivious to any pain associated with stretching. All of the writhing was towards his finger. Dean caressed the sensitive pocket of nerves he had heard was so sensitive, and from the reaction, he thought, Hey, guess it is that awesome.
"Shit, fuck, oh yes, oh, please fuck me…" Cas went wild, bucking against Dean's hand and mouth, babbling obscenities.
"Yeah. Okay," Dean kissed the straining hip, and then withdrew his fingers, "You didn't really need the preparation, anyway," he pulled Cas up, "Turn around. I'll show you why humans scream out the Lord's name." He grinned and nipped at the back of Cas's neck. As he looked down at the angel's back, he wasn't really surprised to see tiny, feathered scars in the shape of wings on his back. Cas looked back at him, eyes trusting, and Dean thought Oh hell, stop procrastinating, and slid inside, slowly and smoothly.
"Oh, Dean, oh god…" Cas moaned, he felt gloriously stretched, he felt complete, he just felt everything, he felt everything Dean felt, he felt Dean's cock pressing against some special place that made it seem like his world was exploding into a million shooting stars.
Too fast, a few slick pumps of Dean's hand on Cas's cock and a few pushes into that glorious warmth and that miracle humans referred to as simultaneous orgasm happened, leaving both men shaking in its wake.
"Was that what you wanted it to be?" Dean whispered, once the ability to speak returned.
"Oh yes. That was… that was as close to God as I've ever been," Cas replied, and pulled Dean down beside him, "Thank you. Oh, thank you."
Dean wrapped his arms around the smaller man. He could feel slight shaking still, a vibration along Cas's back. "Oh, the pleasure was definitely all mine," he nuzzled his face into the side of the angel's neck, "Can I fall asleep? Is that cool?"
"Of course."
"I mean… Don't leave me, ok? While I'm sleeping?" That sentence was as close to vulnerable as Dean got.
"Dean, I will never leave you," Cas whispered, but the hunter was already asleep. Castiel watched him, savoring the first time he had seen Dean completely stripped of his constant pain, his macho posturing, his inner demons. The hunter twitched, like a dreaming dog, and pulled Cas closer.
Cas looked upwards for a moment, and murmured, "I am grateful to you for this gift."
He watched Dean sleep until he had to wake him, an hour before sunrise.
The story continues here: http://ninjapsammead.livejournal.com/6336.html