The Truth - and cock monkey's
First off, let me say --- Brittany there is a such thing as a "cock monkey" - it's in the Urban Dictionary - here's a link http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cock+monkey&r=f
Now that the formalities are out of the way, on to the meat of the entry. Well, its 342 in the morning again - yep - i'm a loser. I just got done talking to somebody i probably shouldn't have talked to. Oh well, if you're the hero in the zombie movie, i guess you have to invite danger like that. I'd like to say what transpired in the conversation, but nothing really got accomplished. I know nothing more than i knew before i sent the first im. It sucks gigantic donkey balls. If somebody could bestow upon me some kind of magical device that could show me the truth about everything, that would be greatly appreciated. That's all i want, the truth. I can go with most people who say she's a slut monkey boat whore, which due to the facts, is more than likely the truth, but i can never know for sure. She says she was honestly attempting to get back with me and make things right, but its really hard to see that from what she did to make me feel worse. She went back on things she promised to do, she lied to me again, she ignored me forever, and then she got back with her guy again. Yeah, i can really tell she was trying. She says there are journal entries about me and what she was thinking, i mean, that's great and all, but unfortunately they're private. I should say, conveniently, they're private. I'm sure they're full of insights into her man, so i probably wouldn't want to see them anyway. She just doesn't understand that it is extremely hard for me to believe what she says. I've heard so many lies. Actions speak louder than words, and her actions said she wanted nothing to do with me. If she thought she tried as hard as she could, then that's great, but from my end i didn't see it. I really don't think she understands how i feel in this situation. Part of me wants to think she cares, but everything else says she doesn't. Its really hard to believe her - that's all i can say - i mean you can look down into her journal entries where she made a plea to people wanting them to give her ideas on how to make things better - but then 2 entries later - she's totally flip-flopped -- HOW IS ANYBODY SUPPOSED TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY????
It's just hard. She could be telling the absolute truth about stuff she is telling people about seperate matters now, but the thing is --- nobody will believe her after they consider the source. She doesn't seem to understand that. People don't expect the other party to lie, so who are they going to believe???, someone they don't expect to lie?, or someone who has lied many times before?? It's a simple answer.
I don't know. It's nuts. I'm rambling now and i don't even know where i was going with this entry. I have so many things i want to say, some many things i want to ask her, but i'll never get my answers. Good Charlotte has a song on their new CD - called "The Truth" - "I want the truth, even if it hurts me" ---- I can relate. That's all i ever wanted - the truth - no games - no bullshit - the truth. I mean i really don't want to talk to her anymore, she just gives me more grief, but i will to get what i want. I'm dumb. And speaking of music, it slightly offends me that she is going to that concert on Sunday, when at least half of their songs are about bad things that people have done - which are surprising similar to things she's done to me. I give up hating her - i give up trying to offend her - i give up arguing. It just makes me feel worse. I want the truth.
That's all i got - or i don't feel like typing anymore - you pick.
Now that the formalities are out of the way, on to the meat of the entry. Well, its 342 in the morning again - yep - i'm a loser. I just got done talking to somebody i probably shouldn't have talked to. Oh well, if you're the hero in the zombie movie, i guess you have to invite danger like that. I'd like to say what transpired in the conversation, but nothing really got accomplished. I know nothing more than i knew before i sent the first im. It sucks gigantic donkey balls. If somebody could bestow upon me some kind of magical device that could show me the truth about everything, that would be greatly appreciated. That's all i want, the truth. I can go with most people who say she's a slut monkey boat whore, which due to the facts, is more than likely the truth, but i can never know for sure. She says she was honestly attempting to get back with me and make things right, but its really hard to see that from what she did to make me feel worse. She went back on things she promised to do, she lied to me again, she ignored me forever, and then she got back with her guy again. Yeah, i can really tell she was trying. She says there are journal entries about me and what she was thinking, i mean, that's great and all, but unfortunately they're private. I should say, conveniently, they're private. I'm sure they're full of insights into her man, so i probably wouldn't want to see them anyway. She just doesn't understand that it is extremely hard for me to believe what she says. I've heard so many lies. Actions speak louder than words, and her actions said she wanted nothing to do with me. If she thought she tried as hard as she could, then that's great, but from my end i didn't see it. I really don't think she understands how i feel in this situation. Part of me wants to think she cares, but everything else says she doesn't. Its really hard to believe her - that's all i can say - i mean you can look down into her journal entries where she made a plea to people wanting them to give her ideas on how to make things better - but then 2 entries later - she's totally flip-flopped -- HOW IS ANYBODY SUPPOSED TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY????
It's just hard. She could be telling the absolute truth about stuff she is telling people about seperate matters now, but the thing is --- nobody will believe her after they consider the source. She doesn't seem to understand that. People don't expect the other party to lie, so who are they going to believe???, someone they don't expect to lie?, or someone who has lied many times before?? It's a simple answer.
I don't know. It's nuts. I'm rambling now and i don't even know where i was going with this entry. I have so many things i want to say, some many things i want to ask her, but i'll never get my answers. Good Charlotte has a song on their new CD - called "The Truth" - "I want the truth, even if it hurts me" ---- I can relate. That's all i ever wanted - the truth - no games - no bullshit - the truth. I mean i really don't want to talk to her anymore, she just gives me more grief, but i will to get what i want. I'm dumb. And speaking of music, it slightly offends me that she is going to that concert on Sunday, when at least half of their songs are about bad things that people have done - which are surprising similar to things she's done to me. I give up hating her - i give up trying to offend her - i give up arguing. It just makes me feel worse. I want the truth.
That's all i got - or i don't feel like typing anymore - you pick.