Thanks to Guia and Luan's prodding to update
I recently talked to my friend about being 'lost' in life. I think it's perfectly normal. Actually I'm still pretty lost, but I'm not trying to stress about it as much. Or maybe I've been having a good week? Thus the carefree attitude.
While I was jobless I learned some things. I've never really mentioned this to anyone because 1. it's kind of unexplainably embarrassing-maybe because I don't usually talk about these things 2. majority of my high school and college friends aren't religious anymore (I think) and might laugh at me (yes, I know I shouldn't care what people think) and 3. I don't want to be preachy like my old tutor in high school.
Anyways, to the point. While I was jobless, I was really at a dark place. Most of my friends probably couldn't tell because I'd laugh it off whenever I was asked how I was. Actually, come to think of it-it wasn't really a 'how are you?' but more of 'what are you doing now?'. That question always seemed to bug me, it felt like whatever I was doing directly equated to what I am. If I was lost/jobless that'd be equal to me being a bum or pretty much nothing. And that's pretty much how I felt. I DIGRESS.
It was about this time that I blamed mostly circumstance and God for everything. It was also at this time I found 'faith' again. I guess I finally realized what my other friend was saying how faith was 'surrendering' and trusting God. Most of the time we (myself included) see him as a vending machine, who only go to Him when we want something. In a certain sense, by doing this we're sort of making our want (for me it's a regular salary/money) above God. I'm learning lately that it doesn't work that way. God isn't a vending machine or a genie. I think God gives us what we need and that might include some challenges but something good will come out of it in the end. That's how I see my 2 year unemployment and odd jobs on the side. I think God was letting me to relearn my faith and fix my 'relationship' with him. Also in between I got to figure out (I think) what I want to do in the long run. But that's for another entry I guess. But yeah, at the end of it I did come out with something.
So that's what I'm doing or at least trying to do. Just trust God in with what my future holds, just being grateful for whatever I have now and keep working towards what I want/my future (when I figure it out). So far it's been working? I mean, praying to God has actually comforted me with my problems.
I know it sounds like an easy solution but it actually isn't. I think it's something to work on day to day. To decide to look at the bright side of things and whatnot. I'm still human though, so I'm bound to have bad days when all this will go away. Hopefully I can keep this 'feeling of faith/hope/trust' alive. But while it's here I decided to type it down so I can re-read and remember this anytime I'm down.
While I was jobless I learned some things. I've never really mentioned this to anyone because 1. it's kind of unexplainably embarrassing-maybe because I don't usually talk about these things 2. majority of my high school and college friends aren't religious anymore (I think) and might laugh at me (yes, I know I shouldn't care what people think) and 3. I don't want to be preachy like my old tutor in high school.
Anyways, to the point. While I was jobless, I was really at a dark place. Most of my friends probably couldn't tell because I'd laugh it off whenever I was asked how I was. Actually, come to think of it-it wasn't really a 'how are you?' but more of 'what are you doing now?'. That question always seemed to bug me, it felt like whatever I was doing directly equated to what I am. If I was lost/jobless that'd be equal to me being a bum or pretty much nothing. And that's pretty much how I felt. I DIGRESS.
It was about this time that I blamed mostly circumstance and God for everything. It was also at this time I found 'faith' again. I guess I finally realized what my other friend was saying how faith was 'surrendering' and trusting God. Most of the time we (myself included) see him as a vending machine, who only go to Him when we want something. In a certain sense, by doing this we're sort of making our want (for me it's a regular salary/money) above God. I'm learning lately that it doesn't work that way. God isn't a vending machine or a genie. I think God gives us what we need and that might include some challenges but something good will come out of it in the end. That's how I see my 2 year unemployment and odd jobs on the side. I think God was letting me to relearn my faith and fix my 'relationship' with him. Also in between I got to figure out (I think) what I want to do in the long run. But that's for another entry I guess. But yeah, at the end of it I did come out with something.
So that's what I'm doing or at least trying to do. Just trust God in with what my future holds, just being grateful for whatever I have now and keep working towards what I want/my future (when I figure it out). So far it's been working? I mean, praying to God has actually comforted me with my problems.
I know it sounds like an easy solution but it actually isn't. I think it's something to work on day to day. To decide to look at the bright side of things and whatnot. I'm still human though, so I'm bound to have bad days when all this will go away. Hopefully I can keep this 'feeling of faith/hope/trust' alive. But while it's here I decided to type it down so I can re-read and remember this anytime I'm down.