:]]
lol surgery went well
hes goign for another check-up next month,
but as far as we know he is cancer free.
me and jessica have started to play guitar again
which is cool.
were writign a song
adn recording some of our old ones on wednesday.
:]
it will be fun to see scott again
unfortunately it means missing youth group
but its okay cause its parent night
and we all know parents dont exist tin katies life
(no offense mom, i love you)
so ill record and then appear at church for a hug and a kiss and an i lvoe you from michael then go home.
he MIGHT be showing up tonight
and i really hope he does.
we had the conversation in the world last ngiht
(bad habits and suicide attempts)
where we both ended up crying in fear that one of those attempts couldve prevented us from meeting each other.
and whle its greedy in that veiw, its something to be greedy about.
even so,
if we had never met we would never be so good off in our lives as we are now.
we both no that for some reason is his two and my five attemps hadnt worked for areason, and we didnt know why until we met ach other.
i really wont go into detail on that subject, because i could go on for hours and hours but theres something there between us more than there has ever been with any other guy ive even considered i might mean the word love.
anywhays,
after aconversation liek that, i really need to see him.
when he started (they were both in the same night)
it was bleeding out
im use to that, it hurt me so bad to hear it from him thoguh.
then after that hadnt worked after a good 20 minutes, he tried to hang himself.......
he couldnt finish that story more than halfway before i was like "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT" makign him shut up and bawling before i told him to go on.
and i never knew anythign liek that could affect me.
im so used ot it by now.
my friend commited suicide in 6th grade, and like. idk. i dont really cry anymore about it. but jsut the thoguht of him attmpting it. like. :/ i cant NOT cry jsut thinking about it.
then he said its only fair i talk about my five.
he was really quiet during the whole explaination.
he was cryign the whole time
god damn it i wouldve never told him if i knew he were to cry. but i idk.
hes the only one i wouldve gone in depth with it to.
so idk.
its good we got it out of our systems.
:/
cause it was bubbling liek acid in my stomach and i had to say before i erupted, and i kinda started to erupt a little two days ago. after low self esstem, small ego, and asshole dad came together in the mix with me holding everythig elses inside resulting in a razorblade happy girl crying i nthe shower.
god damn it.
and i dont stop until i faint.
then the water on the shower runs cold after half an hour and im awake aware and afraid.
then i called him and we sat there crying.
him playing guitar for me in his room with the lights off.
until the bleeding stopped and he promised ot kiss it the next time he saw me.
so now i look at it every day and i see that key restign on it
and that key around my wrist is a promise that i wont again.
ever.
most people are like
"ohh you two wear a key, what is that? lie kthe key to your hearts?" blah blhahah we're not THAT cliche.
theres more behind the key. its not just a symbol
but if one word had to describe it it would be : recovery.
drove me crazy in the hospital.
but theres more to it than that.
anyways.
now to talk of happier things lol.
egh.
idk if im doign broadway camp (glancing over at camillees latest entrie)
everyone wants me to do high school musical
and i love my friends
and mama doll loves me and theres a better cance of gettign a more main role.
but that still doesnt change the fact that iHATE high school musical with a passion, and prefer beauty and the beast.
BUT:
the chances of me even SINGING in beauty and the beast are very slim.
not to mention transprotation and money issues (which go towards both camps)
so im pribably not doing either of them
i told deloach i was interested
jonas said he loved me.
doll said which part do you want
mom said when are you gettign a job
so you know what.
ill jsut run away with michael to the beach over the sumemr and we'll write our own play.
hes goign for another check-up next month,
but as far as we know he is cancer free.
me and jessica have started to play guitar again
which is cool.
were writign a song
adn recording some of our old ones on wednesday.
:]
it will be fun to see scott again
unfortunately it means missing youth group
but its okay cause its parent night
and we all know parents dont exist tin katies life
(no offense mom, i love you)
so ill record and then appear at church for a hug and a kiss and an i lvoe you from michael then go home.
he MIGHT be showing up tonight
and i really hope he does.
we had the conversation in the world last ngiht
(bad habits and suicide attempts)
where we both ended up crying in fear that one of those attempts couldve prevented us from meeting each other.
and whle its greedy in that veiw, its something to be greedy about.
even so,
if we had never met we would never be so good off in our lives as we are now.
we both no that for some reason is his two and my five attemps hadnt worked for areason, and we didnt know why until we met ach other.
i really wont go into detail on that subject, because i could go on for hours and hours but theres something there between us more than there has ever been with any other guy ive even considered i might mean the word love.
anywhays,
after aconversation liek that, i really need to see him.
when he started (they were both in the same night)
it was bleeding out
im use to that, it hurt me so bad to hear it from him thoguh.
then after that hadnt worked after a good 20 minutes, he tried to hang himself.......
he couldnt finish that story more than halfway before i was like "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT" makign him shut up and bawling before i told him to go on.
and i never knew anythign liek that could affect me.
im so used ot it by now.
my friend commited suicide in 6th grade, and like. idk. i dont really cry anymore about it. but jsut the thoguht of him attmpting it. like. :/ i cant NOT cry jsut thinking about it.
then he said its only fair i talk about my five.
he was really quiet during the whole explaination.
he was cryign the whole time
god damn it i wouldve never told him if i knew he were to cry. but i idk.
hes the only one i wouldve gone in depth with it to.
so idk.
its good we got it out of our systems.
:/
cause it was bubbling liek acid in my stomach and i had to say before i erupted, and i kinda started to erupt a little two days ago. after low self esstem, small ego, and asshole dad came together in the mix with me holding everythig elses inside resulting in a razorblade happy girl crying i nthe shower.
god damn it.
and i dont stop until i faint.
then the water on the shower runs cold after half an hour and im awake aware and afraid.
then i called him and we sat there crying.
him playing guitar for me in his room with the lights off.
until the bleeding stopped and he promised ot kiss it the next time he saw me.
so now i look at it every day and i see that key restign on it
and that key around my wrist is a promise that i wont again.
ever.
most people are like
"ohh you two wear a key, what is that? lie kthe key to your hearts?" blah blhahah we're not THAT cliche.
theres more behind the key. its not just a symbol
but if one word had to describe it it would be : recovery.
drove me crazy in the hospital.
but theres more to it than that.
anyways.
now to talk of happier things lol.
egh.
idk if im doign broadway camp (glancing over at camillees latest entrie)
everyone wants me to do high school musical
and i love my friends
and mama doll loves me and theres a better cance of gettign a more main role.
but that still doesnt change the fact that iHATE high school musical with a passion, and prefer beauty and the beast.
BUT:
the chances of me even SINGING in beauty and the beast are very slim.
not to mention transprotation and money issues (which go towards both camps)
so im pribably not doing either of them
i told deloach i was interested
jonas said he loved me.
doll said which part do you want
mom said when are you gettign a job
so you know what.
ill jsut run away with michael to the beach over the sumemr and we'll write our own play.