Twilight can Suck It.
The Twilight Movies. They SucK It. Hard.
If you read the books and thought they kind of sucked, but you became addicted (hey who said drugs were good for your brain right?) and read them anyway and now you need a BIG laugh...you should check out stoney321's: The Secrets of the Sparkle a.k.a. TWILIGHT: STONIFIED
See an excerpt here:
Bella and Edward stare longingly into each others eyes until Edward hollers out, "Hey, Kool-Aid man!" and then Kool Aid man bursts through Bella's hymen.
The last seems more likely as the next morning when Bella wakes up, she's mottled head to toe with deep purple bruises. In a PAINFULLY long bit of "forced misunderstanding" Edward is all pissy with Bella that morning, won't even LOOK at her, and Bella can't figure out why, which makes her sad and nervous and more sad and fearing that she's a bad lay because Edward is perfect and she's worthless and stupid and fat and gross and can't even make a proper souffle.
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Yup, stoney321 you are my Sparkly Hero!