(no subject)
current friends got tired of using me.
seeing as no one calls me unless they need help with something or they want to "hang" which consists of them coming to my house and taking hospitality for all its worth. many times.
I feel like an empty glass, no one wants me because i do not contain what they seek.
its sad when my car has become a closer friend than anyone who bothers to talk to me.
its funny when i call people, spend time looking for them they don't even return calls
nope
why would they? who the fuck needs me besides my job?
and why? oh yeah because I manage their entire stock for the entire north american continent.
its sad when a co-worker I haven't known long can tell me straight that I look depressed.
I wonder why.
maybe because every fucking time I slightly have feelings for someone I pour my time into their feelings, calling them and seeing generally how they are.
its sad how many women will realize this and use me.
or worse yet just shrug it off like its nothing.
fuck relationships, I contradicted myself by falling for someone again.
but i swear after tonight this is the last time i waste my gas, time, money, or breath giving a shit about anyone.
why?
fuck everyone, its time they defend themselves.
shit no one would fucking think to call me if I suddenly went invisible.
im pretty sure if i got into a car accident and could call one person before passing out i would get a busy signal or even better, no answer.
everyone always thinks im mr funny happy asshole, well fuck that shit i'm sick of being funny to cover my unhappiness, i'm sick of spending the time to think about people who don't even bother to be truthful.
most of all i'm very sick of life.
It occured to me when dans mom told me i had to forgive my genetic father in order to stop feeling this pain, but before that i never felt pain but animosity that im not only the product of a stereotype but i am exactly as ms nagl described.
the world is going crazy and everyone is just blind or biased, no point in me caring when 90% of the population can't decide the truth for themselves.
I can't handle this, I don't want to be alive anymore.
the world has lost its glimmer of happiness, its all fake and media oriented.
what doesn't exist for a purpose was built with a purpose in mind but kept quiet for copyright purposes.
the world is going down the shitter, I spend my depressed moments writing in this internet journal hoping one of my "friends" will give some advice, but they don't. most probably do not care.
or think this is to get attention.
sadly what i do to gain attention does not interest even 2% of you low watts, apparently manipulating the forces of pressure exerted from speed and gravity within 2 split seconds isn't impressive.
and its funny when i think back to why i even got into drifting.
its sad when the reason i started was avoided twice.
maybe luck is against me? it would only make sense as to the time when i feel i can die happy that instead of dying i have to constantly live with the consequences.
this rambling is testament to innability to even fall asleep.
I think back to previous times
it was nice when i had so much to give that everyone wanted to take.
it made me feel like a human.
seeing as no one calls me unless they need help with something or they want to "hang" which consists of them coming to my house and taking hospitality for all its worth. many times.
I feel like an empty glass, no one wants me because i do not contain what they seek.
its sad when my car has become a closer friend than anyone who bothers to talk to me.
its funny when i call people, spend time looking for them they don't even return calls
nope
why would they? who the fuck needs me besides my job?
and why? oh yeah because I manage their entire stock for the entire north american continent.
its sad when a co-worker I haven't known long can tell me straight that I look depressed.
I wonder why.
maybe because every fucking time I slightly have feelings for someone I pour my time into their feelings, calling them and seeing generally how they are.
its sad how many women will realize this and use me.
or worse yet just shrug it off like its nothing.
fuck relationships, I contradicted myself by falling for someone again.
but i swear after tonight this is the last time i waste my gas, time, money, or breath giving a shit about anyone.
why?
fuck everyone, its time they defend themselves.
shit no one would fucking think to call me if I suddenly went invisible.
im pretty sure if i got into a car accident and could call one person before passing out i would get a busy signal or even better, no answer.
everyone always thinks im mr funny happy asshole, well fuck that shit i'm sick of being funny to cover my unhappiness, i'm sick of spending the time to think about people who don't even bother to be truthful.
most of all i'm very sick of life.
It occured to me when dans mom told me i had to forgive my genetic father in order to stop feeling this pain, but before that i never felt pain but animosity that im not only the product of a stereotype but i am exactly as ms nagl described.
the world is going crazy and everyone is just blind or biased, no point in me caring when 90% of the population can't decide the truth for themselves.
I can't handle this, I don't want to be alive anymore.
the world has lost its glimmer of happiness, its all fake and media oriented.
what doesn't exist for a purpose was built with a purpose in mind but kept quiet for copyright purposes.
the world is going down the shitter, I spend my depressed moments writing in this internet journal hoping one of my "friends" will give some advice, but they don't. most probably do not care.
or think this is to get attention.
sadly what i do to gain attention does not interest even 2% of you low watts, apparently manipulating the forces of pressure exerted from speed and gravity within 2 split seconds isn't impressive.
and its funny when i think back to why i even got into drifting.
its sad when the reason i started was avoided twice.
maybe luck is against me? it would only make sense as to the time when i feel i can die happy that instead of dying i have to constantly live with the consequences.
this rambling is testament to innability to even fall asleep.
I think back to previous times
it was nice when i had so much to give that everyone wanted to take.
it made me feel like a human.