(no subject)
well with dan not hanging out with me as much anymore and most of my real friends using me or fading away from me i"ve come back to the journal to muse
it seems ever since angela started working for my mother that me and dan have become more distant and it seems like it might not go back the way it was but if all he wants to do is drugs and eat then i need to big him farewell because i cannot go down like that i have too much to do in my lifetime
and then i came across a thought today about me and gwen
and i hope when she reads this she understands im just musing because i couldnt sleep
she said something to me today before i left to the effect of her exs and i came to this thought and i have been thinking about it and it seems whenever she mentions her exs it hurts me and i dont know why but whenever she brings one of them up or talks about them i get just a bit irked when i try so hard on eggshells not to mention my exs or anything about them in a light that will make her angry or hurt and i wonder sometimes if she cares that these things hurt me and sometimes make me bitter but maybe its because she is more open about these things and im the one who should be more realistic and just be open but i fear that she will get angry and it already we have stood the test of alot of things i would not have stayed with anyone else and things that would have ended the relationship had it been any other girl but i love her and i think i am just going to have to grow up if we are to achieve the next stage of life together>
just things like past exs or faithfullness and even just random comments of such make me feel sometimes as if im lying to her like im not being honest by just saying some things when i think them rather than bite my tongue
i really hope this stressed feeling im having would go away i have so much on my platter right now i just want to have a two day vacation from all my thoughts
oh well
it seems ever since angela started working for my mother that me and dan have become more distant and it seems like it might not go back the way it was but if all he wants to do is drugs and eat then i need to big him farewell because i cannot go down like that i have too much to do in my lifetime
and then i came across a thought today about me and gwen
and i hope when she reads this she understands im just musing because i couldnt sleep
she said something to me today before i left to the effect of her exs and i came to this thought and i have been thinking about it and it seems whenever she mentions her exs it hurts me and i dont know why but whenever she brings one of them up or talks about them i get just a bit irked when i try so hard on eggshells not to mention my exs or anything about them in a light that will make her angry or hurt and i wonder sometimes if she cares that these things hurt me and sometimes make me bitter but maybe its because she is more open about these things and im the one who should be more realistic and just be open but i fear that she will get angry and it already we have stood the test of alot of things i would not have stayed with anyone else and things that would have ended the relationship had it been any other girl but i love her and i think i am just going to have to grow up if we are to achieve the next stage of life together>
just things like past exs or faithfullness and even just random comments of such make me feel sometimes as if im lying to her like im not being honest by just saying some things when i think them rather than bite my tongue
i really hope this stressed feeling im having would go away i have so much on my platter right now i just want to have a two day vacation from all my thoughts
oh well