(no subject)
i woke up today and my first thoughts were of portland. i yearned to be there this morning where things may not have actually been easier, but they sure felt that way. i actually yearned. i felt the physical definition of yearn. its more than want or desire and it sucks. i can still picture every square inch of my apartment and can completely visualize the amazing views from our windows and rooftop deck. i was content with just being back then, often taking breaks from the day to just sit..and look...and feel...and think. i dont do that anymore. infact, i need constant distractions. and its not just because my current "home" has a lack of windows above ground, or because a manicured suburban backyard doesnt keep my attention long. everything is just...different. its home and its familiar and yet i have never been more lost.