(no subject)
I had this horrible dream last night. I know that once I type it out, it wont seem that horrible...but it really was.
In the midst of a random conversation, squeedge told me that he wasnt a virgin. I asked with whom, and he told me he dated a girl for a year before me, and had sex with her. I was devastated, so I looked for the girl, and when I found her, I punched her.
I read through it and it really doesnt seem that bad. But I just know that in my dream, I felt so devastated and broken hearted. And waking up didnt make that feeling go away. This is so stupid. It was a DREAM. I know it was a DREAM. but i just cant shake this feeling. It feels like my heart drops an inch lower every time I think about it. It's always made me so happy that squeedge and I are both virgins, because I've always thought that if I was willing to wait for someone to give away one of the most special parts of me (as stupid and cheesey as that sounds), shouldn't there be someone out there who was waiting to give themselves to me?
Maybe I just had this dream because I was thinking about Jamie, and how you can know a person for the longest time and they can hide something really important from you. And then when you find out, the behavior is so inconsistent with the person that they dont even seem like the same person.
But squeedge isnt lying to me. I know that. I know that he wouldnt lie to me. But then why cant I just say 'whoa...weird dream!" and walk away? Why am I obsessing and despairing over it when i should be studying for my psychotherapy midterm? Why cant i just let it roll off my shoulder?
It was a dream. It WAS a dream. It was a DREAM. It WAS a DREAM.
No matter how many different ways I say it, it doesnt become any more true. And i hate knowing that my psychology background is going to make me analyze it for the next couple days.
It was a dream. my boyfriend loves me and he wouldnt lie to me...EVER. It was just some tangential thought that manifested itself in my unconscious perceptions. It's just me trying to sabotage myself again.
Go away, despair.
...Go Away...
In the midst of a random conversation, squeedge told me that he wasnt a virgin. I asked with whom, and he told me he dated a girl for a year before me, and had sex with her. I was devastated, so I looked for the girl, and when I found her, I punched her.
I read through it and it really doesnt seem that bad. But I just know that in my dream, I felt so devastated and broken hearted. And waking up didnt make that feeling go away. This is so stupid. It was a DREAM. I know it was a DREAM. but i just cant shake this feeling. It feels like my heart drops an inch lower every time I think about it. It's always made me so happy that squeedge and I are both virgins, because I've always thought that if I was willing to wait for someone to give away one of the most special parts of me (as stupid and cheesey as that sounds), shouldn't there be someone out there who was waiting to give themselves to me?
Maybe I just had this dream because I was thinking about Jamie, and how you can know a person for the longest time and they can hide something really important from you. And then when you find out, the behavior is so inconsistent with the person that they dont even seem like the same person.
But squeedge isnt lying to me. I know that. I know that he wouldnt lie to me. But then why cant I just say 'whoa...weird dream!" and walk away? Why am I obsessing and despairing over it when i should be studying for my psychotherapy midterm? Why cant i just let it roll off my shoulder?
It was a dream. It WAS a dream. It was a DREAM. It WAS a DREAM.
No matter how many different ways I say it, it doesnt become any more true. And i hate knowing that my psychology background is going to make me analyze it for the next couple days.
It was a dream. my boyfriend loves me and he wouldnt lie to me...EVER. It was just some tangential thought that manifested itself in my unconscious perceptions. It's just me trying to sabotage myself again.
Go away, despair.
...Go Away...