Jun 12, 2007 11:58
I know what it feels like to be completely unwanted.
Last night was out first day of summer classes. Two of the classes were two small, so liz said we could either share the class, or I could take it. Since it's my only class in June, I said I would just take it.
About a half hour into class, Liz comes back and says that Julie (supervisor) told her to stay. After class, Laura asked if she could talk to me for a few minutes. Apparently, every single parent complained. What about? They didn't want me...they wanted Liz to teach the class. Laura said that the reason they want Liz is manifold. They've had Liz for a while. Liz is a little goofier than I am, and she smiles almost constantly, which makes kids like her more. I'm not as approachable as Liz is. She tried to tell me its not personal, because they dont have a problem with the skills I'm teaching...but that's exactly what makes it personal. They dont have a problem with my class...they just dont like me.
I tried to explain that sometimes I'm really afraid of talking to parents because of how things were at MPS, where they complained about me constantly. I said I'd try to wear a smile and be more approachable. I don't know how easy it will be to try to alter my personality. I really wanted to tell Laura how my anxiety disorder and depression make it really hard for me to smile and be happy when I'm not. I get panic attacks just thinking about coming into work. I'm really considering going back to my psychiatrist and going on medication again to try to help level me out.
It just sucks. Every time i feel like I'm doing something well, it gets thrown back into my face. Am i not allowed to succeed without feeling like a grade A POS?
psychiatrist,
laura,
liz,
work,
medication