Keeping it alive
So yeah, I don't really post in here often at all, but just in case people are checking, here we go again.
The reason I'm posting is I feel I must do everything to spread the following message, originally from actioniv's livejournal. I'm adding a rule of my own as well about big butts. I'd also like to state my disagreement with the fatness rule. In my experience, it tends to be the exact opposite: women who think they're fat aren't, and women who don't think they're fat are as a general guideline.
Men's Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here
are the rules from the male side. These are 'OUR' rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing
of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious
hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. A big butt is a good thing. Thus, if something makes your butt look big, that is good. If you ask us if your butt looks big and we say yes, we are complimenting you.
This is a concept that is obvious to most guys, but completely missed by women and gay fashion designers.
So to recap, Big + Butt = Awesome! For further explanation, see Sir Mix-A-Lot's famous ballad/ode, "Baby Got Back"!
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do it yourself.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act likenothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's not
worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking - unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, sports, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind
that. It's like camping.
The reason I'm posting is I feel I must do everything to spread the following message, originally from actioniv's livejournal. I'm adding a rule of my own as well about big butts. I'd also like to state my disagreement with the fatness rule. In my experience, it tends to be the exact opposite: women who think they're fat aren't, and women who don't think they're fat are as a general guideline.
Men's Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here
are the rules from the male side. These are 'OUR' rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing
of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious
hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. A big butt is a good thing. Thus, if something makes your butt look big, that is good. If you ask us if your butt looks big and we say yes, we are complimenting you.
This is a concept that is obvious to most guys, but completely missed by women and gay fashion designers.
So to recap, Big + Butt = Awesome! For further explanation, see Sir Mix-A-Lot's famous ballad/ode, "Baby Got Back"!
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do it yourself.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act likenothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's not
worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking - unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, sports, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind
that. It's like camping.