Who?
What I've learned about myself is I have identity issues.
I'm a Korean adopted by white parents. Midwest mentality.
When I see a group of white people, I don't feel like I'm going to belong with them, the only exception being people who are my friends. I see whites and know that they'll see an Asian. I know that they'll immediately categorize me as what they see in my racial features. There's a small part of them that segregates me from who'll they'll accept into who they won't. I actually feel this way with my extended family too. Every time I see my family in its whole, I feel that same creeping sensation of non-acceptance and that's my family for God's sake. Like I said, I fell accepted by my friends, but most of them are white. That's not a problem in itself, but the problem lies when I meet their friends. Most of my white friends' friends are white. I meet them and I instantly feel on the outside again. It's a little funny that I've grown up in small white-dominated farm/hick towns for a majority of my life. My friends may not be racist, but there's a giant chance that their friends are.
The same thing happens with any group of Asians. Asians have a bad habit of being very elitist and snooty. They tend to be very cliquey. Because I'm white-identified, I don't feel like I can go up to them and feel accepted. Among the things they write-off are non-Asians and Asians who aren't Asian-identified. I fit the latter. I don't speak Korean and I don't live Asian culture.
So there it is. I'm Asian and I don't feel comfortable with Asians. I'm white-identified and I don't feel comfortable with whites. An outcast in every sense of race.
I always wonder where I belong.
I'm a Korean adopted by white parents. Midwest mentality.
When I see a group of white people, I don't feel like I'm going to belong with them, the only exception being people who are my friends. I see whites and know that they'll see an Asian. I know that they'll immediately categorize me as what they see in my racial features. There's a small part of them that segregates me from who'll they'll accept into who they won't. I actually feel this way with my extended family too. Every time I see my family in its whole, I feel that same creeping sensation of non-acceptance and that's my family for God's sake. Like I said, I fell accepted by my friends, but most of them are white. That's not a problem in itself, but the problem lies when I meet their friends. Most of my white friends' friends are white. I meet them and I instantly feel on the outside again. It's a little funny that I've grown up in small white-dominated farm/hick towns for a majority of my life. My friends may not be racist, but there's a giant chance that their friends are.
The same thing happens with any group of Asians. Asians have a bad habit of being very elitist and snooty. They tend to be very cliquey. Because I'm white-identified, I don't feel like I can go up to them and feel accepted. Among the things they write-off are non-Asians and Asians who aren't Asian-identified. I fit the latter. I don't speak Korean and I don't live Asian culture.
So there it is. I'm Asian and I don't feel comfortable with Asians. I'm white-identified and I don't feel comfortable with whites. An outcast in every sense of race.
I always wonder where I belong.