Origins
There is something powerful in the land of your birth. It is a connection that defies geopolitical boundries, or the heavy sands of time. I drove into Kansas and it felt like my heart would burst from the weight of history.
My friend Matthew got married on June 18th at the age of 22. God, are we getting to that point already? Susan will no longer respond to the title of Ms. Myers, but will most undoubtly insist upon Mrs. when you address her. Matt's sister, Kayla, will also be devoting the rest of her life to some individual before the year is over with.
So many gigantic paper shredders.
So little time.
I ran into some old acquaintences from down the street. I noticed Coung at first . . . or rather I did not notice him. Kids these days seem to grow much faster than I remember. I drove onto their driveway like a shmuck who wasn't sure of what he was doing (and in trust, I didn't). There Coung was, a stunning 5'11" when I left him at a mere 5'4" all those years ago. Hon was balding. The thorn bushes where we had caught Mr. Rabbit had been torn out and replaced with modern cement. Damn, it was good to be back.
I treated them out to Chili's where they ordered the cheapest thing on the menu while I dined on Baby Back Ribs. We spoke of years gone by and dredged up the memory of life. We chuckled at how I got stuck in a sewer (I don't know how or why) and the time we were caught entering a house illegal. We reminded each other that we were bound by childhood, the Dangs and I. Despite what time may pass, we are brothers and that will never change.
Funny thing about relationships. It doesn't matter how long you've been away. You always like to pick things up right where you left them. Sarah Keller. Doesn't that name remind me of the past. In kindergarden I had given her a box of chocolates as well as snuck beneath the bus seats to sit next to her. 15 years later, here we are. She looked exactly as I remembered, although her confidence in herself seemed to be worse for wear. I suppose being stuck in Topeka will do that. That and weddings. Susanna and Andrew have also managed to outgrow yours truely and Kelly seems to have finally grown into her once lanky body. I must admit, the Crandall's have amazing good genes. I can only hope my kids will be able to beat up their grandkids.
Kai was doing his usual thing. I never feel akward in front of Kai. I wonder if that's what love between men feel like. There's never any expectation between us. There's never this pressure or overbearing thought that we need to be anything than what we need to be. It was nice to spend time with a man like that. I believe that Kai is what I have always wanted in an older brother. A person who challenges and loves and assists and jokes and everything. So thanks Kai, for making the trip all the more worthwhile.
* It should be noted that Kai cheats at Jenga. Do not allow him to get away with this unsportsmanlike conduct.
I bought a book for Kelly. She's rather into reading mysteries and I figured she should know the joys of Agatha Christie. I ran it by Josh to ensure it was appropriate for middle school. "Clean enough to eat off of" he replied. I do hope the other kids won't get jealous about this.
I stayed an extra day and just drove for hours through the city. I took pictures of seemingly mediocre houses and inconspicuous buildings. These are the longings of a prodigal son. Of a pilgrim on his way to Mecca. Everything reminded me of my youth. Every place was a shadow of a memory in my mind. All at once familiar and strange. I drove the streets to remind myself how they looked and felt. It was like being baptized all over again.
I left Topeka a day later than I wanted to. I suddenly realized that during my trip I had gained great insight into my father's life. He had spent many more years than I in this small town, this place of my birth. He had friends, a successful business, and a security little felt in this world today. Yet, for the sake of a dream, and idea, and a chance at the future he tore his roots, severed his cords, and said goodbye to fair Topeka. This is the man my father is. A man who cannot be tied down by sentimentality. A man who is immune to chains of history. It is a strength of Will that I hope to reflect someday.
My life.
My friend Matthew got married on June 18th at the age of 22. God, are we getting to that point already? Susan will no longer respond to the title of Ms. Myers, but will most undoubtly insist upon Mrs. when you address her. Matt's sister, Kayla, will also be devoting the rest of her life to some individual before the year is over with.
So many gigantic paper shredders.
So little time.
I ran into some old acquaintences from down the street. I noticed Coung at first . . . or rather I did not notice him. Kids these days seem to grow much faster than I remember. I drove onto their driveway like a shmuck who wasn't sure of what he was doing (and in trust, I didn't). There Coung was, a stunning 5'11" when I left him at a mere 5'4" all those years ago. Hon was balding. The thorn bushes where we had caught Mr. Rabbit had been torn out and replaced with modern cement. Damn, it was good to be back.
I treated them out to Chili's where they ordered the cheapest thing on the menu while I dined on Baby Back Ribs. We spoke of years gone by and dredged up the memory of life. We chuckled at how I got stuck in a sewer (I don't know how or why) and the time we were caught entering a house illegal. We reminded each other that we were bound by childhood, the Dangs and I. Despite what time may pass, we are brothers and that will never change.
Funny thing about relationships. It doesn't matter how long you've been away. You always like to pick things up right where you left them. Sarah Keller. Doesn't that name remind me of the past. In kindergarden I had given her a box of chocolates as well as snuck beneath the bus seats to sit next to her. 15 years later, here we are. She looked exactly as I remembered, although her confidence in herself seemed to be worse for wear. I suppose being stuck in Topeka will do that. That and weddings. Susanna and Andrew have also managed to outgrow yours truely and Kelly seems to have finally grown into her once lanky body. I must admit, the Crandall's have amazing good genes. I can only hope my kids will be able to beat up their grandkids.
Kai was doing his usual thing. I never feel akward in front of Kai. I wonder if that's what love between men feel like. There's never any expectation between us. There's never this pressure or overbearing thought that we need to be anything than what we need to be. It was nice to spend time with a man like that. I believe that Kai is what I have always wanted in an older brother. A person who challenges and loves and assists and jokes and everything. So thanks Kai, for making the trip all the more worthwhile.
* It should be noted that Kai cheats at Jenga. Do not allow him to get away with this unsportsmanlike conduct.
I bought a book for Kelly. She's rather into reading mysteries and I figured she should know the joys of Agatha Christie. I ran it by Josh to ensure it was appropriate for middle school. "Clean enough to eat off of" he replied. I do hope the other kids won't get jealous about this.
I stayed an extra day and just drove for hours through the city. I took pictures of seemingly mediocre houses and inconspicuous buildings. These are the longings of a prodigal son. Of a pilgrim on his way to Mecca. Everything reminded me of my youth. Every place was a shadow of a memory in my mind. All at once familiar and strange. I drove the streets to remind myself how they looked and felt. It was like being baptized all over again.
I left Topeka a day later than I wanted to. I suddenly realized that during my trip I had gained great insight into my father's life. He had spent many more years than I in this small town, this place of my birth. He had friends, a successful business, and a security little felt in this world today. Yet, for the sake of a dream, and idea, and a chance at the future he tore his roots, severed his cords, and said goodbye to fair Topeka. This is the man my father is. A man who cannot be tied down by sentimentality. A man who is immune to chains of history. It is a strength of Will that I hope to reflect someday.
My life.