(no subject)

[ninisaloser]

Officially the hardest past week I've ever had to endure. It was only last Tuesday, I talked to David my last time... isn't it funny the things we'd say to people if we knew it was going to be our last conversation? When someone dies, the first thing we immediately think of is our last conversation, last time we saw the person, the last anything. We beat ourselves up over the LAST time.. yet if we were friends with this person, why aren't the good times remembered? There's a reason we were friends with them for the time we were, so why immediately go to the last memory? My last phone conversation with David will definitely stand out in my mind for a long time... kind of ironic, we talked about how I lived with no regrets, and he always lived for the moment. He really did, and that's one thing I'd like to take from knowing him, that's the way I want to be more like him. Also kind of ironic, I was in Canada on the 8th, and he left me a voicemail saying how in one of his classes they had a discussion about letting the people close to them in their life know that they were important to them, so he left me a message saying that he "really like you a lot, love having you around and really appreciate you a lot baby girl".. He saw something in me that no one ever had before... I'll always remember our conversation at Wes's, on his last night at home, when everyone was passed out and we stayed up talking til 5. He told me he had kind of an AIM crush on me for a while.. throughout the year, was somewhat intimidated by my knack with words and admired my quickness. Later I remember him telling me about he liked my inner strength.. I could pull myself out of situations; I was never like other girls, I don't play the drama card. He was such an amazing person--that's far too general of a statement. He had a way of making you feel important to him, he ALWAYS had time for your problems, or to just bullshit with. He was always confident in himself, but was never overconfident--he knew his limits. He definitely had his party side, but always maintained his high levels of maturity. He knew he had a rare heart condition from a young age, so I'm sure he knew he had to live life to the fullest, and he truly did. In so many ways I wish I could be more like him. His death has made me think more about life in general, it made the people around me realize what they have. So many people are affected by this in so many ways... it made Kelsey realize she should keep in touch with people, so she got a few cards to send to people, just to tell them she's thinkin about them. Some things I will never forget... telling him about the "prince charming moment", him saying he was hardly prince charming, but acknowledged it was at least a moment... when I picked him up at the airport, he got his luggage one of the first, then me getting a call from him, asking where I was, and the whole time he's standing on the level above me, looking away as I look up at him... then the moments that you want to call him on now, like how Keith's mom or Keith could have picked him up that day at work, but he called me instead just because he wanted to be around me... our late night porn runs, how no idea seemed too crazy for him.... the list goes on.

When he was just up here 2 weeks ago, he said girls wanted to hear they were hot, sexy or beautiful. Guys want to hear they're perfect... to me, he is perfect. I love you David