(no subject)
Wow, I feel refreshed after finally getting enough sleep last night.. went to bed at 2, got up at 2 ! Didn't have time for a shower before work (ick), so I was lookin real hot on my last day.. Connie made me brownies and they all signed my cute good-bye card with a puppy dog on it! aww, how sweet. On my way to work I was almost taken out by a school bus, of all things.. I was waiting at the light to take a left turn, I got my green arrow and was just about on 248th and a school bus comes flying out in front of me, it was scary. I know they have a yield sign, and especially since I had the green arrow. I shouldve let them hit me too, big ass settlement.. haha whatever I'm safe and not hurt so thats good.
When I got home my dad wanted to see my PS2 so I showed him and I had him play, well, I think he should stick to actual driving.. lol. Tyler came over with some fried taters and a glazed donut for me ! We played the game for a while, then went to Brett's house because he got back from Croatia today. Sat and chatted for a while, Jenny was hungry so we went to Denny's and I think Tyler wants to move to Europe so he can have his nice cheap VW. jeez, crazy boys and their cars.
We went back to Tyler's house, watched Family Guy then shut off the TV. He's been worried lately because I haven't been kissing him anymore ("real" kisses) so he's scared that somethings wrong and theres something different. It started out with him thinking that he hasn't been treating me very good lately, that I deserve so much better than him, which isn't true at all.. he's treated me better than anyone has my whole life. He says I dont like to cuddle anymore like I used to.. Somehow the conversation moved from that to body issues again. Its something that I'm so tired of thinking about but I can't get it out of my head. Its not that I dont like him touching me, but its how I feel when he does, like it makes me notice my fat, especially on my tummy or sides.. he wishes that we could be completely comfortable around each other, and I am except I don't want to see my gross tummy. I like to hide behind my sweatshirts and having nice shoes or doing my hair and makeup is just a coverup, so I don't have to see the real me.. jeez this is so complicated in my head and I don't think I'm making sense but whatever. To me things are very black and white, you're either skinny or fat. Pretty or ugly. Best day ever or end of the world. and thats not good either, because apparently there is grey out there.. I guess in some ways I feel like all my problems would be gone if I lost weight, but that didn't do anything either. Even though it made me think I was feeling great, no matter how much weight I lost, it was never enough. I always wanted to lose more.
When I got home my dad wanted to see my PS2 so I showed him and I had him play, well, I think he should stick to actual driving.. lol. Tyler came over with some fried taters and a glazed donut for me ! We played the game for a while, then went to Brett's house because he got back from Croatia today. Sat and chatted for a while, Jenny was hungry so we went to Denny's and I think Tyler wants to move to Europe so he can have his nice cheap VW. jeez, crazy boys and their cars.
We went back to Tyler's house, watched Family Guy then shut off the TV. He's been worried lately because I haven't been kissing him anymore ("real" kisses) so he's scared that somethings wrong and theres something different. It started out with him thinking that he hasn't been treating me very good lately, that I deserve so much better than him, which isn't true at all.. he's treated me better than anyone has my whole life. He says I dont like to cuddle anymore like I used to.. Somehow the conversation moved from that to body issues again. Its something that I'm so tired of thinking about but I can't get it out of my head. Its not that I dont like him touching me, but its how I feel when he does, like it makes me notice my fat, especially on my tummy or sides.. he wishes that we could be completely comfortable around each other, and I am except I don't want to see my gross tummy. I like to hide behind my sweatshirts and having nice shoes or doing my hair and makeup is just a coverup, so I don't have to see the real me.. jeez this is so complicated in my head and I don't think I'm making sense but whatever. To me things are very black and white, you're either skinny or fat. Pretty or ugly. Best day ever or end of the world. and thats not good either, because apparently there is grey out there.. I guess in some ways I feel like all my problems would be gone if I lost weight, but that didn't do anything either. Even though it made me think I was feeling great, no matter how much weight I lost, it was never enough. I always wanted to lose more.