(no subject)
lolita is dead: if I can jump through those hoops I'm perfectly normal and there's nothing wrong with me
Cannibalmonkey03: Why would you want to be perfectly normal?
Cannibalmonkey03: So you know you can live the American Dream if you need to?
lolita is dead: Carrie, am I taking pills to cure a sickness within me or to destroy a part of my personality that I don't happen to like?
Cannibalmonkey03: ........you know how I feel about perscription drugs
Cannibalmonkey03: I really believe that people are so desperate to "cure" every little eccentricity in their personalities that they don't even bother to wonder why
Cannibalmonkey03: Or if they really WANT to get rid of it
Cannibalmonkey03: It's easier to control people if they don't have any quarks
lolita is dead: Should I let myself surrender to the tides in my head? Should I try, at least, to be normal? Maybe I can get rid of this on my own.
Cannibalmonkey03: I think a more apt question is do you really want to be normal
Cannibalmonkey03: And do you think you'll be able to get rid of it on your own
Cannibalmonkey03: Maybe I'm just idealistic, I resent drug compaines and doctors so much that I refuse to believe anything they tell me
lolita is dead: am I going to welcome the insanity?
Cannibalmonkey03: I think they're all liers, but I'm just paranoid
Cannibalmonkey03: *maybe
lolita is dead: what seperates me from them?
Cannibalmonkey03: Everyone has their demons, you just have to decide the best way to exocise them
Cannibalmonkey03: *exorcise
Cannibalmonkey03: I wish I knew that.......I've always wondered that..............
Cannibalmonkey03: Sometimes I really think I'm superior, I'm more in control, I'm more human
Cannibalmonkey03: But other times I really think I'm less human
Cannibalmonkey03: I can't ever tell
Cannibalmonkey03: Humans are supposed to feel things
Cannibalmonkey03: Supposidly
Cannibalmonkey03: According to other humans
lolita is dead: now that I'm on anti-depressants, teachers smile at me more.
Cannibalmonkey03: So.....it their definition of the human as a feeling animal with a concience right, or have I trascended all expectations?
lolita is dead: are you devolving into animal or are you evolving into machinae?
Cannibalmonkey03: Exactly
Cannibalmonkey03: I'm seeing the latter more and more
Cannibalmonkey03: I'm rejecting anything instinctual, anything that resembles feeling, that makes me know I'm actually an animal
Cannibalmonkey03: The only way to convince myself that I"m human is to become a machine
Cannibalmonkey03: How's that for irony
Cannibalmonkey03: Maybe I'm taking it too far
Cannibalmonkey03: Does that mean I"m sick too
Cannibalmonkey03: >
Cannibalmonkey03: Is there some drug out there I can take to BECOME the ideal human?
Cannibalmonkey03: Ideal by human standards
Cannibalmonkey03: It becomes an infinate paradox.....a mobius strip of humanity
Cannibalmonkey03: The ideal humans decide what an ideal human is...............
Cannibalmonkey03: And then make drugs to fulfill their requirements
Cannibalmonkey03: So they just want clones of themselves
Cannibalmonkey03: That's the goal of every drug company and every doctor on the planet........to make copies of themselves
Cannibalmonkey03: Then they can populate the world with their ideal humans
Cannibalmonkey03: So then.....the question becomes.....if this is true, and I see it, does that once again make me, the non-ideal human, superior?
Cannibalmonkey03: Does that make you superior?
Cannibalmonkey03: Or are we just frightened animals, hoping we can slink by unharmed?
Cannibalmonkey03: We see the evil but we're too small and weak to fight it?
Cannibalmonkey03: And then from there we would need to decide what our frame of referance is.......
Cannibalmonkey03: What's frightening is, if there is no god, that would mean that our frame of reference would have to be the people around us
Cannibalmonkey03: There would be nothing higher to reach for
Cannibalmonkey03: Which calls atheism into question
Cannibalmonkey03: And then my entire belief system comes crashing down around my head
Cannibalmonkey03: And we're back to where we started, trying to pick through the ashes of our self-worth and reconstruct something sturdier for the next mindstorm