less talk, more beer
we used to have a class together, and we would take turns staring at each other from across the room. then when one of us would notice the other person looking, we'd quickly lower our eyes. it was the cutest, most absurd thing. then we would stare at each other longingly from across the street. his classes were on one side of the street and mine on the other. i tried to find out who he was (we never talked)...and found out he has a kid--my friends gave me a red flag, meaning " forget about it." i didn't see him for several months after our class together ended.
i just spotted him about a week ago across the street and again we started our longing gazes. ever since i've been searching for excuses to leave my studio and look for him. who knows, maybe he does the same. i had an awkward conversation with him a few days ago. i had gotten a package and wanted to open it...he handed me a knife. after he gave me the knife and i fumbled nervously with it, he got a call on his cell phone. meanwhile i discovered the "easy pull-tab" on the box. so when he was off the phone i told him what happened. that was that. the only time we've ever spoken.
i was at one up tonight....because a band from risd (my school) was playing there. i was hoping HE would show up. i kept turning back to look at the door, but he never came. i've seen him there on wednesday nights before....that means i may have to go back there tomorrow. why do i need to make eyes at him when i have no intentions of dating him? because i need something to look forward to each day...something to give me a reason to wake up and go through my day. i don't even WANT another boyfriend after the experiences i've been having lately. it's just a need for something to fill some kind of space i suppose.
i had some options tonight. i could've stayed home and done my work for class tomorrow. i could've gone to 80s night if i had found someone to go with me...and then hoped my most recent ex had been there, and tried to play that game. yeah, i think you know the one i'm talking about. i could've played the game where i try to have a blast with my friend(s) and hope that he'll see me and want me back. but then i started to think..."what if he completely ignored me and i was the one who ended up feeling shitty?" i don't like games. and i sure as hell don't want to play THAT game.
in case you're wondering, i'm through with it. i'm turning over a new leaf....i'm just going to get my work done and have fun. no dating all these jerks who beg me for a chance and then turn around and slap me in the face. i've had this plan since christmas, and for some reason i kept letting it fall through. well it's back to Plan A, kids, and this time it's for real.
i just spotted him about a week ago across the street and again we started our longing gazes. ever since i've been searching for excuses to leave my studio and look for him. who knows, maybe he does the same. i had an awkward conversation with him a few days ago. i had gotten a package and wanted to open it...he handed me a knife. after he gave me the knife and i fumbled nervously with it, he got a call on his cell phone. meanwhile i discovered the "easy pull-tab" on the box. so when he was off the phone i told him what happened. that was that. the only time we've ever spoken.
i was at one up tonight....because a band from risd (my school) was playing there. i was hoping HE would show up. i kept turning back to look at the door, but he never came. i've seen him there on wednesday nights before....that means i may have to go back there tomorrow. why do i need to make eyes at him when i have no intentions of dating him? because i need something to look forward to each day...something to give me a reason to wake up and go through my day. i don't even WANT another boyfriend after the experiences i've been having lately. it's just a need for something to fill some kind of space i suppose.
i had some options tonight. i could've stayed home and done my work for class tomorrow. i could've gone to 80s night if i had found someone to go with me...and then hoped my most recent ex had been there, and tried to play that game. yeah, i think you know the one i'm talking about. i could've played the game where i try to have a blast with my friend(s) and hope that he'll see me and want me back. but then i started to think..."what if he completely ignored me and i was the one who ended up feeling shitty?" i don't like games. and i sure as hell don't want to play THAT game.
in case you're wondering, i'm through with it. i'm turning over a new leaf....i'm just going to get my work done and have fun. no dating all these jerks who beg me for a chance and then turn around and slap me in the face. i've had this plan since christmas, and for some reason i kept letting it fall through. well it's back to Plan A, kids, and this time it's for real.