Doctor
Well, I'm going to the doc tomorrow. To get medicated. After, of course, she bitches me out for smoking and the weight gain and whatever else comes to her mind (she's actually a totally cool woman, but I have been neglecting my health somewhat).
Medication... sigh. It scares me. My biggest fears all tie into my body - catching some sort of wasting disease and becoming schizophrenic. For some reason, anti-depressants are connected to mental damage in my mind. What if I went on them and something broke in my mind? Would I know it? Would I be able to fix it? Would anyone?
But on the other hand, I have a fantastic life and am consumed with self-loathing and self-destructive tendencies. As my Mistress said, it doesn't look like I can think my way out of it. Sure, quitting smoking would help. Getting exercise would help. Changing my diet would help. Hell, even cutting back on WoW would probably help (yeah, right). But none of that will help if I can't get the mental and physical energy together to do it. And that's the crux of the problem.
I'll probably...
Note: This post has been interrupted because I can't find a verbal form of 'catharsis'. I am seriously irked by this.
... be spamming LJ with updates as to my mental state. If I start to sound insane, please let me know.
Medication... sigh. It scares me. My biggest fears all tie into my body - catching some sort of wasting disease and becoming schizophrenic. For some reason, anti-depressants are connected to mental damage in my mind. What if I went on them and something broke in my mind? Would I know it? Would I be able to fix it? Would anyone?
But on the other hand, I have a fantastic life and am consumed with self-loathing and self-destructive tendencies. As my Mistress said, it doesn't look like I can think my way out of it. Sure, quitting smoking would help. Getting exercise would help. Changing my diet would help. Hell, even cutting back on WoW would probably help (yeah, right). But none of that will help if I can't get the mental and physical energy together to do it. And that's the crux of the problem.
I'll probably...
Note: This post has been interrupted because I can't find a verbal form of 'catharsis'. I am seriously irked by this.
... be spamming LJ with updates as to my mental state. If I start to sound insane, please let me know.