Following up...
1) Maybe friends aren't always people that you like. Or friends aren't people that you always like. They're the people that you want around you whether you like them or not. I have loved and do love many people that I wont be able to stand for say, a week. Or a day. Maybe people you like are another category than friend. A set that is not exclusive but not nessecarily inclusive. Or maybe friends are just people you like most of the time.
2) Rorschach from Watchmen. Seeing the movie reminded me of the rough conflicts I had about this character when I read the book. He wouldn't compromise. I can respect an uncompromising stance... sometimes. He also no longer stopped to consdier what was "bad" to him. It seemed that to him no one was worth saving and everyone was worth punishing. Everyone deserves whatever happens to them. He wouldn't let anything change his definition, though. He wouldn't consider his motives. He didn't consider them pure, I'm sure, but even he didn't see himself as a bad guy. Very few people do.
He never questioned himself. He put blinders on. He made his heart a stone. Things part of me envies sometimes, and things that (I hope) are the greater part of me reviles it. You'll never really know if your footing is firm if you don't test it.
3) I understand. I know why. I know why we do it. It still doesn't make it right to me. It hurts me to see it. It enrages me to see it mocked casually. It twists me up inside to be submerged in it with no escape that I would want to take.
Wake up one morning and see people that look slightly different, nigh-perfect dopplegangers, replacing the people you know one by one. You still know them. You're still horrified. You still love them. You can't help but fear them. You look in the mirror. You're not really you either. You desperately hope that it's scum on the surface, but not so deep that you yourself are producing it.
It's different. It's a fucking choice. Who you are is a choice. I make plenty of mistakes. I do question myself though. Someone who doesn't question their own motivations strikes me as a human denying their highest capacity. More often than not, we're scummy. The very fact that we realize that we're scummy means that we can change it.
I'm trying not to be scummy. I compromise enough. I'm tired of it. So very tired of it. Sometimes I compromise because it's hard not to, and I am not always strong. Sometimes I compromise because it will hurt someone else if I do not.
Either way it's still my choice.
2) Rorschach from Watchmen. Seeing the movie reminded me of the rough conflicts I had about this character when I read the book. He wouldn't compromise. I can respect an uncompromising stance... sometimes. He also no longer stopped to consdier what was "bad" to him. It seemed that to him no one was worth saving and everyone was worth punishing. Everyone deserves whatever happens to them. He wouldn't let anything change his definition, though. He wouldn't consider his motives. He didn't consider them pure, I'm sure, but even he didn't see himself as a bad guy. Very few people do.
He never questioned himself. He put blinders on. He made his heart a stone. Things part of me envies sometimes, and things that (I hope) are the greater part of me reviles it. You'll never really know if your footing is firm if you don't test it.
3) I understand. I know why. I know why we do it. It still doesn't make it right to me. It hurts me to see it. It enrages me to see it mocked casually. It twists me up inside to be submerged in it with no escape that I would want to take.
Wake up one morning and see people that look slightly different, nigh-perfect dopplegangers, replacing the people you know one by one. You still know them. You're still horrified. You still love them. You can't help but fear them. You look in the mirror. You're not really you either. You desperately hope that it's scum on the surface, but not so deep that you yourself are producing it.
It's different. It's a fucking choice. Who you are is a choice. I make plenty of mistakes. I do question myself though. Someone who doesn't question their own motivations strikes me as a human denying their highest capacity. More often than not, we're scummy. The very fact that we realize that we're scummy means that we can change it.
I'm trying not to be scummy. I compromise enough. I'm tired of it. So very tired of it. Sometimes I compromise because it's hard not to, and I am not always strong. Sometimes I compromise because it will hurt someone else if I do not.
Either way it's still my choice.