You won't see this for some time, but...somethinggothMarch 23 2007, 01:53:20 UTC
I think I've noticed a little too late the changes I've suffered; it had to get to a certain point before I could begin to see what was wrong.
I haven't been myself. I've been feeling hideously stupid (literally), and afraid that it might stay that way. I've been coming to quite a few realizations that are on par with a Christian figuring out there is no God, and it's been kind of rocking me rather violently. I've been trying to block out pains that I had no trouble blocking before, only to find there are heinous leaks in other places.
I lost a lot of my convictions, for one reason or another, having given up on the idea that I was myself anymore. All my loyalty, my honesty, my honor...I feel it was either lost somewhere or destroyed. I don't know. I recall you scoffing at a few of my convictions at some point, but, really, they were the things that made me what I was, kept me together. Now that I've experienced their loss, I can see as much.
...anyway, seeing your post reminded me of one of the integral traits that I thought I had lost... That idea that I shouldn't live for myself, but for others. It was strongest while I was around Kayt...that selfless desire. I wonder if I can still feel that way...
In any case, you're free to come over to my shitty little drug den shack thing any time; just give me warning, if you can.
So far as the ball is concerned, I've kinda nudged it towards you. I'm not all that great at the basketball thing. *Ooo. Metaphor. Eat me.*
I haven't been myself. I've been feeling hideously stupid (literally), and afraid that it might stay that way. I've been coming to quite a few realizations that are on par with a Christian figuring out there is no God, and it's been kind of rocking me rather violently. I've been trying to block out pains that I had no trouble blocking before, only to find there are heinous leaks in other places.
I lost a lot of my convictions, for one reason or another, having given up on the idea that I was myself anymore. All my loyalty, my honesty, my honor...I feel it was either lost somewhere or destroyed. I don't know. I recall you scoffing at a few of my convictions at some point, but, really, they were the things that made me what I was, kept me together. Now that I've experienced their loss, I can see as much.
...anyway, seeing your post reminded me of one of the integral traits that I thought I had lost... That idea that I shouldn't live for myself, but for others. It was strongest while I was around Kayt...that selfless desire. I wonder if I can still feel that way...
In any case, you're free to come over to my shitty little drug den shack thing any time; just give me warning, if you can.
So far as the ball is concerned, I've kinda nudged it towards you. I'm not all that great at the basketball thing. *Ooo. Metaphor. Eat me.*
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