If I could penetrate your soul, I'd help you find a way to make fantasy reality again..
So to play catch up...
I got a fatass new bass for my birthday. OLP 5 string asskicker. It seems to be exactly what I needed to get back on the level-up with music.
Then the party. The party was the shit. It was exactly what I wanted. Everyone chilled out and there was no conflict or drama or anything, and most everyone was at least relatively social with everyone else. All in all a success.
So it's time to make some fucking progress in my life. I find that I'm ready to relax, but I haven't reached that point yet. And I am ready to bust my ass to get there.
I find I'm reaching a conflict wanting to grow, learn, improve.. and wanting to be with those I love. And I feel really detached from everything lately, like all I have now is daydreams, and that I'm incapable of having any substantial interaction with anyone, including those that I love.
Actually, I haven't felt like myself in a long time. And I miss myself. That's part of the reason I am now being overcome by an urge to better myself. I used to be happy, at least content with myself, and even with loved ones I refused to be taken any other way than how I was. Now my confidence has receded and it's the one refusing, and I can't imagine that any of the respect and love people have for me will stick around very long.
I know that makes it sound like I have no faith in my friends, but it's honestly just I have truly reached a point of repulsion from myself. And rather, I have enough faith in my friends that they too shall see the ugliness that I see, and will not tolerate it.
I suppose you could take that as literal or exaggerated. Really, what people don't understand about me nowadays is that often now, I'm not being serious. The sarcasm through which I now filter everything is a misunderstood quality that I wish I could correct but I feel it may be too late. Everyone's just so distant now, and I suppose I can only attribute it to my own distancing. My sort of speaking with grains of salt has made it to where... well, now no one really knows what's going on in my head. And that's not who I am. That's not how I want to be. And that's certainly not the way I want relationships with my friends to be.
Ah, LiveJournal. The things you let me convey. Someday, I hope I lose the need for you once again, because I really am opposed to you and the method of expression you provide.
Maybe that should be a project. Convey these thoughts via LiveJournal. Hehheh, yeah right.
I suppose I want to apologize. I don't know how but damnit I'm going to get myself back.
Eh. I'm going to find another way to kill the time.
I got a fatass new bass for my birthday. OLP 5 string asskicker. It seems to be exactly what I needed to get back on the level-up with music.
Then the party. The party was the shit. It was exactly what I wanted. Everyone chilled out and there was no conflict or drama or anything, and most everyone was at least relatively social with everyone else. All in all a success.
So it's time to make some fucking progress in my life. I find that I'm ready to relax, but I haven't reached that point yet. And I am ready to bust my ass to get there.
I find I'm reaching a conflict wanting to grow, learn, improve.. and wanting to be with those I love. And I feel really detached from everything lately, like all I have now is daydreams, and that I'm incapable of having any substantial interaction with anyone, including those that I love.
Actually, I haven't felt like myself in a long time. And I miss myself. That's part of the reason I am now being overcome by an urge to better myself. I used to be happy, at least content with myself, and even with loved ones I refused to be taken any other way than how I was. Now my confidence has receded and it's the one refusing, and I can't imagine that any of the respect and love people have for me will stick around very long.
I know that makes it sound like I have no faith in my friends, but it's honestly just I have truly reached a point of repulsion from myself. And rather, I have enough faith in my friends that they too shall see the ugliness that I see, and will not tolerate it.
I suppose you could take that as literal or exaggerated. Really, what people don't understand about me nowadays is that often now, I'm not being serious. The sarcasm through which I now filter everything is a misunderstood quality that I wish I could correct but I feel it may be too late. Everyone's just so distant now, and I suppose I can only attribute it to my own distancing. My sort of speaking with grains of salt has made it to where... well, now no one really knows what's going on in my head. And that's not who I am. That's not how I want to be. And that's certainly not the way I want relationships with my friends to be.
Ah, LiveJournal. The things you let me convey. Someday, I hope I lose the need for you once again, because I really am opposed to you and the method of expression you provide.
Maybe that should be a project. Convey these thoughts via LiveJournal. Hehheh, yeah right.
I suppose I want to apologize. I don't know how but damnit I'm going to get myself back.
Eh. I'm going to find another way to kill the time.