bubblegum heart
bubblegum heart
lovelyz | babysoul/mijoo | pg | 1948 words
Here it was, a month or two before they'd stand on stage for the first time, until they'd be real idols with all the responsibilites that would entail. It's Mijoo's twenty-first birthday and Soojung is still asleep in her bedroom down the hall.
originally written here for unnideul
Maybe it’s the constant hum of traffic or the fact that none of them have gotten a good night's sleep in weeks, but Mijoo can't seem to close her eyes. There's an itch just under her skin, something that keeps her from relaxing completely. She’s restless.
She glances back at the alarm clock in the corner of the room, where 12:10am flashes back at her. For the past few days, she has daydreamt about this night. Soojung creeping quietly into her room, waking her up with a soft kiss to her cheek, and then sneaking out of the dorm to spend the rest of the early morning hours together. They had made a promise, a few months after Mijoo had started training at the company, when it was clear that she wasn’t going to be cut from the program. ”I’ll sneak you out and we’ll have our last bit of freedom,” Soojung had promised, about whichever birthday fell before the day they’d debut.
Here it was, a month or two until they’d stand on stage for the first time, until they’d be real idols, with all the responsibility it would entail. It’s Mijoo’s twenty-first birthday and Soojung is still asleep in her bedroom down the hall.
Mijoo tosses and turns a bit more, tries to close her eyes and drift off to the sound of Jiae’s light snoring from across the room. But twenty minutes pass, and then thirty, and Mijoo still can’t sleep. Maybe better to take matters into her own hands. What’s that saying? Ah yes, if you want something done right then you have to do it yourself.
“Unnie,” Mijoo shakes at Soojung’s shoulder. “Wake up.”
It doesn’t work. Soojung just grunts a little, her brow furrowing, before her face relaxes and her breathing evens out again. So Mijoo drops down, her knees grazing the edge of the futon, and leans in close. Soojung smells like sugar and flowers, the tiniest hint of sweat. A wisp of hair tickles Mijoo's nose as she leans in close to Soojung's ear.
“Soojung unnie?”
Crack.
Pain shoots across Mijoo's nose.
“Ugh, you have a big head.”
“Shut up.”
“It hurt.”
“You hurt me!”
Soojung’s scowl is so comically large as she rubs at her forehead that Mijoo can’t help but giggle, all pain forgotten.
"Mijoo-yah, it's two in the morning. Why are you waking me up at two in the morning?"
"Unnie, do you remember what you promised me?" Mijoo tilts her head to the side, smiles in that way she knows Soojung can't refuse (even if Soojung likes to pretend she can).
“It seems to have slipped my mind," Soojung is sitting up now, arms crossed against her chest. "Because it's two-"
"In the morning, yeah yeah," Mijoo cuts Soojung off with a roll of her eyes. "Stop being so dramatic."
Soojung huffs and there's a small part of Mijoo that screams in disappointment. She hadn't expected much from this birthday. Not really. They're a month away from debut and everyday is filled to the brim with dance practice, evaluations, track recordings. They're lucky if they manage to get a few hours of sleep. How could she expect any of them to remember her birthday?
But she did expect Soojung to be different. She doesn't know why exactly. But she feels a pang in her chest, her heart aching for something she doesn't know if Soojung is willing to give.
So instead she glares at Soojung silently, trying to communicate her disappointment through some telekinetic force.
Realization dawns on Soojung's face. "Oh, your birthday!"
"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner," Mijoo comments dryly.
Soojung's face softens, her eyes dropping down. A wave of guilt crashes over Mijoo. Soojung has enough to worry about, the world on her shoulders in a way Mijoo can't really understand, and it's unfair of her to expect so much.
“I’m sorry,” Soojung reaches out to clasp her hand around Mijoo’s wrist. Her thumb traces small circles. She pats Mijoo's wrist before pulling her blanket away and standing up. "Well let's get going, birthday girl."
Mijoo lips unfurl into a wide smile. "So you do remember?"
“Well I remember now.” Soojung laughs, moving towards the dresser pushed up against the wall. “Go put on something decent and meet me in five minutes, okay?”
Mijoo nods in agreement, and stumbles back to her room to try to make herself presentable. Her heart feels light.
The pair do head out five minutes later, careful to slip out of the dorm as quietly as possible. Once outside they run along the streets, hands clasped, gulping in the cool air. They bicker in the grocery store. (“Makgeolli for me, and soju for you. Sweet and...not-so-sweet, just like us!”) Then just as quickly their back at their dorm, blanket and alcohol in hand, climbing the stairs to the roof.
Mijoo’s legs hang over the roof ledge, scraping against the concrete. Looking down at the ground makes her feel off balanced and queasy, so she settles for looking at at the city lights.
Soojung pours two more shots from the bottle of soju. "Come down from there and drink with your old unnie."
"You're only two years older than me," Mijoo says before hopping down from the ledge and walking towards where Soojung sits crosslegged on the blanket.
Soojung raises an eyebrow. “Might as well be a lifetime.”
“Unnie, are you calling me immature?” Mijoo flops down on her stomach and strikes a cutesy pose, face in hands and legs crossed at the ankle.
“Yah, stop trying to act cute. It’s not working.” Mijoo pouts before Soojung continues, “Sit up and drink this.”
“Yes ma’am!”
Mijoo shudders a bit as the alcohol hits the back of her throat. They've only been drinking for a short while, barely an hour, but there's already a pleasant buzz washing over her body. She feels loose. Loose enough to nestle her head into Soojung’s lap and place her hand on her head.
“Pet me,” she commands. She can feel her eyes go slightly cross eyed as she looks up at Soojung’s face. “It’s my birthday.”
Soojung’s eyebrow raises, bemused, but then her fingers are running paths down Mijoo’s scalp. She feels the tension drain out of her limbs, relishes the feel of Soojung’s thigh beneath her head.
"What if people don't like us?"
Soojung shakes her head. "Mijoo-yah, of course they'll like us."
"Well what if people think I'm ugly!"
"That's ridiculous,” Soojung rolls her eyes a bit. “You’re beautiful.”
Mijoo lifts her head from Soojung’s lap, and turns around. “How can you be so sure about everything?”
“I’m not,” Soojung answers. “But I have faith in us. We’re good. We can make it.” Her hand reaches up to caress Mijoo’s cheek. “We have to.”
The way Soojung smiles at Mijoo, so sure, makes something warm bloom in Mijoo’s chest. Suddenly it’s not enough to sit here on their blanket, on the roof of the dorm. Mijoo wants so much more.
“Dance with me?” she asks, standing up and holding out a hand to Soojung.
Soojung lets Mijoo pull her up to her feet. “But there’s no music.”
“Are we singers, or aren’t we?”
Shaking her head, Soojung steps into Mijoo’s embrace, one hand sliding into the other, fingers intertwined. Then Soojung’s singing softly, and they’re swaying together, Mijoo’s face buried in Soojung’s hair.
Building lights twinkle on the Seoul skyline, and two twin figures lean against the roof’s ledge.
“Sometimes it all feels like a dream.”
Soojung reaches out to pinch hard at Mijoo's side, fingers brushing against bare skin. Mijoo shivers. Then she's laughing, bright and loud and clear, into the night sky.
“Did that hurt?” Soojung asks. Her hand is warm on Mijoo's skin.
"A little bit."
"So you aren't dreaming." Soojung sounds matter-of-fact, turning back to stare out at the sprawl of the city.
Mijoo turns to study Soojung's profile, the slope of her nose and curve of her jawline. A hint of a smile lingers on Soojung's lips. Mijoo's heart beats hard in her chest.
“What would you do right now, unnie? If this was a dream?”
"Hmmmm," Soojung contemplates. She looks up at the sky. There's a smattering of stars that are still visible, away from the lights of the city. They reflect in Soojung's eyes like the shine of miniature diamonds. Mijoo is captivated. "I think I would jump off the roof and fly over the city. Touch the clouds with my fingers and look at everybody down below. It must be nice up there. Free and open."
Soojung turns and catches Mijoo's eyes before laughing, her mouth hidden behind her hand. A breeze ruffles her bangs into her eyes, and before Mijoo can think, her hand is reaching out, fingers brushing the strands away.
"What about you, Mijoo-yah?"
She wants to step in, close her eyes and lean over, press her lips to Soojung’s. She wants to feel the sharp intake of breathe, the way her knees would go weak. She wants to press her hand into the curve of Soojung’s hip, to feel Soojung tremble underneath her. These are all the things she dreams about.
“I would…” Mijoo trails off. Her hand rests on Soojung’s shoulder. She can feel the way it trembles against the soft fabric of Soojung’s sweater. Then it’s there again, the restless itch that lives right under her skin. She takes a deep breathe. It’s now or never. “I would kiss you.”
Before she can take it back, before she can convince herself that this is a horrible idea - this is not a dream, this is reality and what if it all goes terribly wrong - she’s leaning in, eyes closed. Her hand falls from Soojung’s shoulder to her hip, she tilts her head, and she can feel Soojung’s nose push at the edge of her cheek.
When their lips meet, fireworks bloom behind Mijoo’s eyes. Ribbons of green and gold and blue and red. Soojung’s lips are soft and pliant, her skin hot and flushed beneath her hands. Then Mijoo feels fingers glide into her hair, pulling her closer. Soojung’s tongue slips into her mouth and Soojung’s breathe is hot on her skin and Soojung’s hands clutch at the back of her neck, and then Mijoo can’t think at all.
They pull apart a few moments later. Mijoo lightheaded, her knees buckling underneath her, and Soojung’s mouth is red and swollen, her tongue darting out to lick at her bottom lip.
Anxiety slams into Mijoo like a freight train, hard and loud, her pulse quickening, her heart climbing up her throat. This just happened. It’s not a dream. But...but Soojung had kissed her back, hadn’t she?
Then Soojung is pulling her forward again. Lips on lips,hands in hair, fingers gripping hips. It’s perfect.
Later, when they practice in the dance studio with sweat dripping down their faces, and the lights go off and Soojung walks out holding a ridiculous cake topped with brightly burning candles, she’s a little surprised. When Sujeong proclaims loudly that the cake “Looks just like unnie!”, a lump of emotion catches in Mijoo’s throat. She takes the silly pink sunglasses and shoves them on her face, laughs loud, and hopes that no one can see the tears that have managed to leak out.
With the other girls surrounded in a circle, laughing and clapping and singing, and Soojung smiling in the glow of the candles, Mijoo thinks it might be her best birthday yet.
lovelyz | babysoul/mijoo | pg | 1948 words
Here it was, a month or two before they'd stand on stage for the first time, until they'd be real idols with all the responsibilites that would entail. It's Mijoo's twenty-first birthday and Soojung is still asleep in her bedroom down the hall.
originally written here for unnideul
Maybe it’s the constant hum of traffic or the fact that none of them have gotten a good night's sleep in weeks, but Mijoo can't seem to close her eyes. There's an itch just under her skin, something that keeps her from relaxing completely. She’s restless.
She glances back at the alarm clock in the corner of the room, where 12:10am flashes back at her. For the past few days, she has daydreamt about this night. Soojung creeping quietly into her room, waking her up with a soft kiss to her cheek, and then sneaking out of the dorm to spend the rest of the early morning hours together. They had made a promise, a few months after Mijoo had started training at the company, when it was clear that she wasn’t going to be cut from the program. ”I’ll sneak you out and we’ll have our last bit of freedom,” Soojung had promised, about whichever birthday fell before the day they’d debut.
Here it was, a month or two until they’d stand on stage for the first time, until they’d be real idols, with all the responsibility it would entail. It’s Mijoo’s twenty-first birthday and Soojung is still asleep in her bedroom down the hall.
Mijoo tosses and turns a bit more, tries to close her eyes and drift off to the sound of Jiae’s light snoring from across the room. But twenty minutes pass, and then thirty, and Mijoo still can’t sleep. Maybe better to take matters into her own hands. What’s that saying? Ah yes, if you want something done right then you have to do it yourself.
“Unnie,” Mijoo shakes at Soojung’s shoulder. “Wake up.”
It doesn’t work. Soojung just grunts a little, her brow furrowing, before her face relaxes and her breathing evens out again. So Mijoo drops down, her knees grazing the edge of the futon, and leans in close. Soojung smells like sugar and flowers, the tiniest hint of sweat. A wisp of hair tickles Mijoo's nose as she leans in close to Soojung's ear.
“Soojung unnie?”
Crack.
Pain shoots across Mijoo's nose.
“Ugh, you have a big head.”
“Shut up.”
“It hurt.”
“You hurt me!”
Soojung’s scowl is so comically large as she rubs at her forehead that Mijoo can’t help but giggle, all pain forgotten.
"Mijoo-yah, it's two in the morning. Why are you waking me up at two in the morning?"
"Unnie, do you remember what you promised me?" Mijoo tilts her head to the side, smiles in that way she knows Soojung can't refuse (even if Soojung likes to pretend she can).
“It seems to have slipped my mind," Soojung is sitting up now, arms crossed against her chest. "Because it's two-"
"In the morning, yeah yeah," Mijoo cuts Soojung off with a roll of her eyes. "Stop being so dramatic."
Soojung huffs and there's a small part of Mijoo that screams in disappointment. She hadn't expected much from this birthday. Not really. They're a month away from debut and everyday is filled to the brim with dance practice, evaluations, track recordings. They're lucky if they manage to get a few hours of sleep. How could she expect any of them to remember her birthday?
But she did expect Soojung to be different. She doesn't know why exactly. But she feels a pang in her chest, her heart aching for something she doesn't know if Soojung is willing to give.
So instead she glares at Soojung silently, trying to communicate her disappointment through some telekinetic force.
Realization dawns on Soojung's face. "Oh, your birthday!"
"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner," Mijoo comments dryly.
Soojung's face softens, her eyes dropping down. A wave of guilt crashes over Mijoo. Soojung has enough to worry about, the world on her shoulders in a way Mijoo can't really understand, and it's unfair of her to expect so much.
“I’m sorry,” Soojung reaches out to clasp her hand around Mijoo’s wrist. Her thumb traces small circles. She pats Mijoo's wrist before pulling her blanket away and standing up. "Well let's get going, birthday girl."
Mijoo lips unfurl into a wide smile. "So you do remember?"
“Well I remember now.” Soojung laughs, moving towards the dresser pushed up against the wall. “Go put on something decent and meet me in five minutes, okay?”
Mijoo nods in agreement, and stumbles back to her room to try to make herself presentable. Her heart feels light.
The pair do head out five minutes later, careful to slip out of the dorm as quietly as possible. Once outside they run along the streets, hands clasped, gulping in the cool air. They bicker in the grocery store. (“Makgeolli for me, and soju for you. Sweet and...not-so-sweet, just like us!”) Then just as quickly their back at their dorm, blanket and alcohol in hand, climbing the stairs to the roof.
Mijoo’s legs hang over the roof ledge, scraping against the concrete. Looking down at the ground makes her feel off balanced and queasy, so she settles for looking at at the city lights.
Soojung pours two more shots from the bottle of soju. "Come down from there and drink with your old unnie."
"You're only two years older than me," Mijoo says before hopping down from the ledge and walking towards where Soojung sits crosslegged on the blanket.
Soojung raises an eyebrow. “Might as well be a lifetime.”
“Unnie, are you calling me immature?” Mijoo flops down on her stomach and strikes a cutesy pose, face in hands and legs crossed at the ankle.
“Yah, stop trying to act cute. It’s not working.” Mijoo pouts before Soojung continues, “Sit up and drink this.”
“Yes ma’am!”
Mijoo shudders a bit as the alcohol hits the back of her throat. They've only been drinking for a short while, barely an hour, but there's already a pleasant buzz washing over her body. She feels loose. Loose enough to nestle her head into Soojung’s lap and place her hand on her head.
“Pet me,” she commands. She can feel her eyes go slightly cross eyed as she looks up at Soojung’s face. “It’s my birthday.”
Soojung’s eyebrow raises, bemused, but then her fingers are running paths down Mijoo’s scalp. She feels the tension drain out of her limbs, relishes the feel of Soojung’s thigh beneath her head.
"What if people don't like us?"
Soojung shakes her head. "Mijoo-yah, of course they'll like us."
"Well what if people think I'm ugly!"
"That's ridiculous,” Soojung rolls her eyes a bit. “You’re beautiful.”
Mijoo lifts her head from Soojung’s lap, and turns around. “How can you be so sure about everything?”
“I’m not,” Soojung answers. “But I have faith in us. We’re good. We can make it.” Her hand reaches up to caress Mijoo’s cheek. “We have to.”
The way Soojung smiles at Mijoo, so sure, makes something warm bloom in Mijoo’s chest. Suddenly it’s not enough to sit here on their blanket, on the roof of the dorm. Mijoo wants so much more.
“Dance with me?” she asks, standing up and holding out a hand to Soojung.
Soojung lets Mijoo pull her up to her feet. “But there’s no music.”
“Are we singers, or aren’t we?”
Shaking her head, Soojung steps into Mijoo’s embrace, one hand sliding into the other, fingers intertwined. Then Soojung’s singing softly, and they’re swaying together, Mijoo’s face buried in Soojung’s hair.
Building lights twinkle on the Seoul skyline, and two twin figures lean against the roof’s ledge.
“Sometimes it all feels like a dream.”
Soojung reaches out to pinch hard at Mijoo's side, fingers brushing against bare skin. Mijoo shivers. Then she's laughing, bright and loud and clear, into the night sky.
“Did that hurt?” Soojung asks. Her hand is warm on Mijoo's skin.
"A little bit."
"So you aren't dreaming." Soojung sounds matter-of-fact, turning back to stare out at the sprawl of the city.
Mijoo turns to study Soojung's profile, the slope of her nose and curve of her jawline. A hint of a smile lingers on Soojung's lips. Mijoo's heart beats hard in her chest.
“What would you do right now, unnie? If this was a dream?”
"Hmmmm," Soojung contemplates. She looks up at the sky. There's a smattering of stars that are still visible, away from the lights of the city. They reflect in Soojung's eyes like the shine of miniature diamonds. Mijoo is captivated. "I think I would jump off the roof and fly over the city. Touch the clouds with my fingers and look at everybody down below. It must be nice up there. Free and open."
Soojung turns and catches Mijoo's eyes before laughing, her mouth hidden behind her hand. A breeze ruffles her bangs into her eyes, and before Mijoo can think, her hand is reaching out, fingers brushing the strands away.
"What about you, Mijoo-yah?"
She wants to step in, close her eyes and lean over, press her lips to Soojung’s. She wants to feel the sharp intake of breathe, the way her knees would go weak. She wants to press her hand into the curve of Soojung’s hip, to feel Soojung tremble underneath her. These are all the things she dreams about.
“I would…” Mijoo trails off. Her hand rests on Soojung’s shoulder. She can feel the way it trembles against the soft fabric of Soojung’s sweater. Then it’s there again, the restless itch that lives right under her skin. She takes a deep breathe. It’s now or never. “I would kiss you.”
Before she can take it back, before she can convince herself that this is a horrible idea - this is not a dream, this is reality and what if it all goes terribly wrong - she’s leaning in, eyes closed. Her hand falls from Soojung’s shoulder to her hip, she tilts her head, and she can feel Soojung’s nose push at the edge of her cheek.
When their lips meet, fireworks bloom behind Mijoo’s eyes. Ribbons of green and gold and blue and red. Soojung’s lips are soft and pliant, her skin hot and flushed beneath her hands. Then Mijoo feels fingers glide into her hair, pulling her closer. Soojung’s tongue slips into her mouth and Soojung’s breathe is hot on her skin and Soojung’s hands clutch at the back of her neck, and then Mijoo can’t think at all.
They pull apart a few moments later. Mijoo lightheaded, her knees buckling underneath her, and Soojung’s mouth is red and swollen, her tongue darting out to lick at her bottom lip.
Anxiety slams into Mijoo like a freight train, hard and loud, her pulse quickening, her heart climbing up her throat. This just happened. It’s not a dream. But...but Soojung had kissed her back, hadn’t she?
Then Soojung is pulling her forward again. Lips on lips,hands in hair, fingers gripping hips. It’s perfect.
Later, when they practice in the dance studio with sweat dripping down their faces, and the lights go off and Soojung walks out holding a ridiculous cake topped with brightly burning candles, she’s a little surprised. When Sujeong proclaims loudly that the cake “Looks just like unnie!”, a lump of emotion catches in Mijoo’s throat. She takes the silly pink sunglasses and shoves them on her face, laughs loud, and hopes that no one can see the tears that have managed to leak out.
With the other girls surrounded in a circle, laughing and clapping and singing, and Soojung smiling in the glow of the candles, Mijoo thinks it might be her best birthday yet.