(no subject)
This is my Wolverine Origins review...spoilers, ahoy!
Here's the deal. Up front, I will honestly say that I liked this movie better than X3...but that isn't saying a whole heck of a lot, either. I also liked this movie better than Spider-man 3, but again...that's not saying much. But in all my years of movie watching, this was the third worst movie I've seen...but not for the reasons you think.
Wolverine Origins suffers from the most recent trend in action movies: Big budget action scenes with very little to no plot. It's as if the writers or storyboard teams or what have you come up with the action scenes they want to see just so it fits the trailers, and then they put the story around it. It has spoiled me for other movies and it has made me skittish about being excited for new movie releases. I used to *love* new movie releases surrounding my favorite characters. But after this? I have a rock in my stomach the size of Montana. I hope to God they don't screw up Iron Man 2. That's my last hope for Marvel movies, really.
So, okay. I didn't like Wolverine Origins, safe to say. But why? What made it so bad? Well, I have a list. And funny enough it's not the fact that Storm was cut from the Nigerian scene, or that Wolvie and Sabes were made into brothers. Those things I could handle. In fact, if it *had* kept with the brother's theme, I would've been ecstatic. But the problem with this movie were the cuts...and the ridiculous idea that a filmmaker must put every last kitchen sink item into a movie to please the fans. This started with X-3 and Spider-Man, and now it's moved into Wolverine Origins. The only saving grace of Origins was that the dialogue wasn't as crappy as X3 and Spider-Man...and the scenes weren't overly corny.
Doesn't mean the movie was top-notch, though.
But here's a clue-bat, Hollywood. Here's how you make a bad film better.
The opening scene. It was pretty decent. The set up of Wolverine and Sabes running together through the centuries was actually a really good idea. It was a great way to show their ages, to set up their cameraderie, and to show their protection for one another.
Too bad that the opening scene was the ONLY place they really showed this.
But here's where the whole thing fell apart. And the problem was plot. Right after Wolverine and Sabes get shot in Vietnam, we *needed* a scene with Striker talking with government officials about the "mutant menance." The writers absolutely flubbed the ball here. If you don't know anything about Wolverine you will be absolutely lost if you saw this movie *unless* you got some background. Five minutes, that's all we needed. A five minute scene with Striker looking at his son's glass prison and muttering something under his breath about his curse of a mutant son. Then have the military official (the one who gets killed later on) march into Striker's lab, and tell him mutants are a growing problem and Striker "needs to hurry up with that mutant team of his" or whatever. The audience needs to know that Striker is looking for a way to exterminate the mutant problem early, and that he feels creating a mutant team of mutant hunters is the way to do this...of course it has to be under the guise of special military black ops, of course.
Then blah-blah-blah, Striker invites Wolvie and Sabes into this group.
Again, we move way too fast. We see one operation before Wolvie walks? No, no. We need at least three. Make the movie about Wolverine's building frustration. Have one normal operation where everything runs smoothly, but at the end Wolverine catches something that makes him suspicious. Then the second ops is Wolverine realizing something is really wrong and he discusses it with Victor...and Victor tells him to quit whining. *THEN* - here's the kicker - introduce another scene (again, five minutes or less) - with Striker talking to the military man again. They have an idea: The ultimate mutant killing machine to hunt other mutants. End result is to make the mutants work for the government, but that can be expensive and too many mutants are difficult to control. Why not have one super, indesctructible mutant to do the job for them? Then we see Striker checking out Wolverine's profile and Sabertooth's profiles, along with some brief information about the adamantium meteor (news report, medical reports, and scientific data on the meteor's properties). Striker says, "I have just the mutant in mind for the job." Or something to that effect. Which sets us up for the info in Africa.
Then blah, blah, blah, Africa, blah blah blah...
Wolverine walks, tries to have a normal life. Continue the movie as normal for a bit, except add a small clip of Striker talking to Sabretooth about "bring him back/no loose ends." Then have Sabretooth go on his hunting/killing spree of all his old comrades and taking their DNA. For the final puzzle pieces. Then CUT to Striker discussing the ultimate mutant with the general again - they're discussing Wolverine as the one they need, but Striker also says (to himself) if Wolverine doesn't make it, he has other mutants to choose from. And he can hold up schematics of Sabes (the audience will think it's Sabes, but in the end we all know it's going to be Deadpool).
Blah-blah, Sabes hunts down Wolvie, Silver Fox look-alike dies, big fights, we see Wolvie's team get slaughtered...etc. But CHANGE one vital item. Don't have Striker offer Wolverine a deal. Knock Wolverine out. Have Sabes drag Wolvie back to Striker's lab. Force the adamantium on him, and tell Striker to wipe his memory before Wolverine roars and comes out of the tub. At this point, I'd say make some of that memory wipe take hold. Let Wolverine forget some things already...
Cut to Weapon XI. We see some of the mutants in the pens being experimented on. We see blood drawn from them, we see shock collars or mutant nullifiers...something. We all know some mutants can escape from certain things, so they'd better have some mutant shock collars around. And a bunch of guards! Where the heck are the guards? Here's a good opportunity to show lots of mutants (again). I would've had all the mutants young, because a lot of them can't use their powers well enough yet. It would make more sense, and Striker could've said that earlier on in the movie, too. Or that their DNA is most viable at the point of their power activation. Something like that.
Okay, so then we have retrieval of Wolverine, Striker and the general fight, Striker uses Weapon XI...final show down between Wolverine and Sabes as brothers, etc. Other things that NEED to change: There's no fricken way Striker could've fired two bullets into Wolvie's head to make him lose his memory. Use the memory wipe. Say it's poisoning his mind slowly, and it's adamantium poisoning. Specifically targeted for one part of his brain, the part that destroys memories. That the poisoning takes place over time and eventually it will filter out of his system to make way for new memories. Or SOMETHING like that. Forget the damn bullets! That makes no sense. Second: Deadpool. Really. Seriously? The fight was cool, but it wasn't necessary. And he's not a machine. There are other ways they could've done this...and really, I understand it but it sucked. I think they should've had Wade trying to fight to regain his memory through the fight...and in the end he destroys himself or something. Make him truly indestructable, except by his own hands.
Then, finally. The whole Professor X scene? He just shows up out of nowhere to help them *now*? Where was he before? Why couldn't he help them earlier? Put a very small, thirty second scene with Xavier - and heck use Mystique piloting the copter! - saying that Cerebro finally picked up the mutants and that they'd had the ability to get them now (so he says cryptically). Xavier obviously knows about this place and Striker and all that. The audience needs that connection, too.
Aaaaanyway. Those are some of my thoughts. There are certainly other things I might've tried had I been at the helm, but I wasn't...and the movie sucked. :p I mean, the plot holes were truck-sized and they didn't need to be. That's what frustrated me most. It didn't need to be as bad as it was. Either the editing team left waaaay too much on the cutting room floor, or the writing just sucked. I'm not sure which. I guess I'll find out with the director's cut.
But someone needs to do the same thing with Hollywood's writing teams that they did to Deadpool's head in the movie.
Blargh.
Here's the deal. Up front, I will honestly say that I liked this movie better than X3...but that isn't saying a whole heck of a lot, either. I also liked this movie better than Spider-man 3, but again...that's not saying much. But in all my years of movie watching, this was the third worst movie I've seen...but not for the reasons you think.
Wolverine Origins suffers from the most recent trend in action movies: Big budget action scenes with very little to no plot. It's as if the writers or storyboard teams or what have you come up with the action scenes they want to see just so it fits the trailers, and then they put the story around it. It has spoiled me for other movies and it has made me skittish about being excited for new movie releases. I used to *love* new movie releases surrounding my favorite characters. But after this? I have a rock in my stomach the size of Montana. I hope to God they don't screw up Iron Man 2. That's my last hope for Marvel movies, really.
So, okay. I didn't like Wolverine Origins, safe to say. But why? What made it so bad? Well, I have a list. And funny enough it's not the fact that Storm was cut from the Nigerian scene, or that Wolvie and Sabes were made into brothers. Those things I could handle. In fact, if it *had* kept with the brother's theme, I would've been ecstatic. But the problem with this movie were the cuts...and the ridiculous idea that a filmmaker must put every last kitchen sink item into a movie to please the fans. This started with X-3 and Spider-Man, and now it's moved into Wolverine Origins. The only saving grace of Origins was that the dialogue wasn't as crappy as X3 and Spider-Man...and the scenes weren't overly corny.
Doesn't mean the movie was top-notch, though.
But here's a clue-bat, Hollywood. Here's how you make a bad film better.
The opening scene. It was pretty decent. The set up of Wolverine and Sabes running together through the centuries was actually a really good idea. It was a great way to show their ages, to set up their cameraderie, and to show their protection for one another.
Too bad that the opening scene was the ONLY place they really showed this.
But here's where the whole thing fell apart. And the problem was plot. Right after Wolverine and Sabes get shot in Vietnam, we *needed* a scene with Striker talking with government officials about the "mutant menance." The writers absolutely flubbed the ball here. If you don't know anything about Wolverine you will be absolutely lost if you saw this movie *unless* you got some background. Five minutes, that's all we needed. A five minute scene with Striker looking at his son's glass prison and muttering something under his breath about his curse of a mutant son. Then have the military official (the one who gets killed later on) march into Striker's lab, and tell him mutants are a growing problem and Striker "needs to hurry up with that mutant team of his" or whatever. The audience needs to know that Striker is looking for a way to exterminate the mutant problem early, and that he feels creating a mutant team of mutant hunters is the way to do this...of course it has to be under the guise of special military black ops, of course.
Then blah-blah-blah, Striker invites Wolvie and Sabes into this group.
Again, we move way too fast. We see one operation before Wolvie walks? No, no. We need at least three. Make the movie about Wolverine's building frustration. Have one normal operation where everything runs smoothly, but at the end Wolverine catches something that makes him suspicious. Then the second ops is Wolverine realizing something is really wrong and he discusses it with Victor...and Victor tells him to quit whining. *THEN* - here's the kicker - introduce another scene (again, five minutes or less) - with Striker talking to the military man again. They have an idea: The ultimate mutant killing machine to hunt other mutants. End result is to make the mutants work for the government, but that can be expensive and too many mutants are difficult to control. Why not have one super, indesctructible mutant to do the job for them? Then we see Striker checking out Wolverine's profile and Sabertooth's profiles, along with some brief information about the adamantium meteor (news report, medical reports, and scientific data on the meteor's properties). Striker says, "I have just the mutant in mind for the job." Or something to that effect. Which sets us up for the info in Africa.
Then blah, blah, blah, Africa, blah blah blah...
Wolverine walks, tries to have a normal life. Continue the movie as normal for a bit, except add a small clip of Striker talking to Sabretooth about "bring him back/no loose ends." Then have Sabretooth go on his hunting/killing spree of all his old comrades and taking their DNA. For the final puzzle pieces. Then CUT to Striker discussing the ultimate mutant with the general again - they're discussing Wolverine as the one they need, but Striker also says (to himself) if Wolverine doesn't make it, he has other mutants to choose from. And he can hold up schematics of Sabes (the audience will think it's Sabes, but in the end we all know it's going to be Deadpool).
Blah-blah, Sabes hunts down Wolvie, Silver Fox look-alike dies, big fights, we see Wolvie's team get slaughtered...etc. But CHANGE one vital item. Don't have Striker offer Wolverine a deal. Knock Wolverine out. Have Sabes drag Wolvie back to Striker's lab. Force the adamantium on him, and tell Striker to wipe his memory before Wolverine roars and comes out of the tub. At this point, I'd say make some of that memory wipe take hold. Let Wolverine forget some things already...
Cut to Weapon XI. We see some of the mutants in the pens being experimented on. We see blood drawn from them, we see shock collars or mutant nullifiers...something. We all know some mutants can escape from certain things, so they'd better have some mutant shock collars around. And a bunch of guards! Where the heck are the guards? Here's a good opportunity to show lots of mutants (again). I would've had all the mutants young, because a lot of them can't use their powers well enough yet. It would make more sense, and Striker could've said that earlier on in the movie, too. Or that their DNA is most viable at the point of their power activation. Something like that.
Okay, so then we have retrieval of Wolverine, Striker and the general fight, Striker uses Weapon XI...final show down between Wolverine and Sabes as brothers, etc. Other things that NEED to change: There's no fricken way Striker could've fired two bullets into Wolvie's head to make him lose his memory. Use the memory wipe. Say it's poisoning his mind slowly, and it's adamantium poisoning. Specifically targeted for one part of his brain, the part that destroys memories. That the poisoning takes place over time and eventually it will filter out of his system to make way for new memories. Or SOMETHING like that. Forget the damn bullets! That makes no sense. Second: Deadpool. Really. Seriously? The fight was cool, but it wasn't necessary. And he's not a machine. There are other ways they could've done this...and really, I understand it but it sucked. I think they should've had Wade trying to fight to regain his memory through the fight...and in the end he destroys himself or something. Make him truly indestructable, except by his own hands.
Then, finally. The whole Professor X scene? He just shows up out of nowhere to help them *now*? Where was he before? Why couldn't he help them earlier? Put a very small, thirty second scene with Xavier - and heck use Mystique piloting the copter! - saying that Cerebro finally picked up the mutants and that they'd had the ability to get them now (so he says cryptically). Xavier obviously knows about this place and Striker and all that. The audience needs that connection, too.
Aaaaanyway. Those are some of my thoughts. There are certainly other things I might've tried had I been at the helm, but I wasn't...and the movie sucked. :p I mean, the plot holes were truck-sized and they didn't need to be. That's what frustrated me most. It didn't need to be as bad as it was. Either the editing team left waaaay too much on the cutting room floor, or the writing just sucked. I'm not sure which. I guess I'll find out with the director's cut.
But someone needs to do the same thing with Hollywood's writing teams that they did to Deadpool's head in the movie.
Blargh.