Hopefully I'll have some new insights to add, but I dunno - we'll see. I'm not excusing the few who might act up on the bus, or in your presence, or in the elevator or what have you. But you find people "acting out their stereotypes" everywhere. I mean, if I expect every old lady I see to lock their door when I come by, or if I expect everyone to be surprised at my skin color, my viewpoint of others would be extremely skewed and narrow, indeed. But see, I've had more people to "practice on" than you have. My sphere of influence has always been people outside my race (and 98% White at that) so I've had more than my fair share of realizing that not everyone is the "same."
To reverse your situation, perhaps those youths or young folks or older folks haven't had another sphere of influence to compare their cultural differences.
But in order to help people understand, it takes time. It takes time, effort, and a willingness to understand where the other person is coming from. It also takes time - and energy - to put fear on the backburner and decide *not* to react when people might be having a go at your expense. Being around people and hanging around with them is not the same as having a true relationship with them, and being able to ask the hard questions of them (or of you). It takes a relationship to have a healthy dialog, and it takes a relationship to realize that a select few of *any* culture do not represent the culture as a whole. But a balanced perspective is not allowed for everyone, Tarc. It's just what happened.
I defy you to find more than ten positive African American male (or female) role models on TV this week. Or better yet, see how many positive role models there are to negative ones. And then do the same for White males (or females). See if it balances. Now. Imagine you're four or five years old, and you're watching something other than PBS or the Discovery Channel. What image would you see representing you and your culture? How would that shape your perspective of the world? Does it excuse bad behavior, no, no it doesn't. But it explains it.
Let's put it this way: If I were sexually abused every day for the rest of my life and no one stopped it, but I was free to interact with the world at large, I'd probably act out in a hellacious way, too. And if people kept telling me that's "the way it's always been" and to "suck it up" and don't argue against it, because you'll get worse if you speak up, well...that'll either depress me to engage in self-destructive acts, or it'll make me want to rebel against what I see as the perceived threat...or I'll find another option to fight back.
It's hard to explain it, Tarc...but Tim Wise might be a good option as well. He has a different perspective that makes sense, and maybe it's a viewpoint that gives another answer to what I'm trying to say. It's not excusing bad behavior, it's understanding where the bad behavior originated...and then it's trying to make inroads to stop that bad behavior from happening again by using yourself as the example (if that makes sense).
Take care, Tarc! I'm still open to keep talking about this, if you are. ;)
Hopefully I'll have some new insights to add, but I dunno - we'll see. I'm not excusing the few who might act up on the bus, or in your presence, or in the elevator or what have you. But you find people "acting out their stereotypes" everywhere. I mean, if I expect every old lady I see to lock their door when I come by, or if I expect everyone to be surprised at my skin color, my viewpoint of others would be extremely skewed and narrow, indeed. But see, I've had more people to "practice on" than you have. My sphere of influence has always been people outside my race (and 98% White at that) so I've had more than my fair share of realizing that not everyone is the "same."
To reverse your situation, perhaps those youths or young folks or older folks haven't had another sphere of influence to compare their cultural differences.
But in order to help people understand, it takes time. It takes time, effort, and a willingness to understand where the other person is coming from. It also takes time - and energy - to put fear on the backburner and decide *not* to react when people might be having a go at your expense. Being around people and hanging around with them is not the same as having a true relationship with them, and being able to ask the hard questions of them (or of you). It takes a relationship to have a healthy dialog, and it takes a relationship to realize that a select few of *any* culture do not represent the culture as a whole. But a balanced perspective is not allowed for everyone, Tarc. It's just what happened.
I defy you to find more than ten positive African American male (or female) role models on TV this week. Or better yet, see how many positive role models there are to negative ones. And then do the same for White males (or females). See if it balances. Now. Imagine you're four or five years old, and you're watching something other than PBS or the Discovery Channel. What image would you see representing you and your culture? How would that shape your perspective of the world? Does it excuse bad behavior, no, no it doesn't. But it explains it.
Let's put it this way: If I were sexually abused every day for the rest of my life and no one stopped it, but I was free to interact with the world at large, I'd probably act out in a hellacious way, too. And if people kept telling me that's "the way it's always been" and to "suck it up" and don't argue against it, because you'll get worse if you speak up, well...that'll either depress me to engage in self-destructive acts, or it'll make me want to rebel against what I see as the perceived threat...or I'll find another option to fight back.
It's hard to explain it, Tarc...but Tim Wise might be a good option as well. He has a different perspective that makes sense, and maybe it's a viewpoint that gives another answer to what I'm trying to say. It's not excusing bad behavior, it's understanding where the bad behavior originated...and then it's trying to make inroads to stop that bad behavior from happening again by using yourself as the example (if that makes sense).
Take care, Tarc! I'm still open to keep talking about this, if you are. ;)
--"nina."
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