The choices we make; the few that just won't go away....
First off, I'm sorry to whomever I scared with that last entry but it was something that needed to be said...it needed to be released...it needs to be gone. I'm too emotionally tired to talk about it right now, so if you've called me only to talk about that...let it be known, that's why I'm not answering calls right now...but I'm okay....really. Promise.
And now on to what weighs heavily on my heart this dreary day. Songs make you remember; songs can trigger some feeling you'd like to forget. Also trigger one you want back more than anything. If my next few entries are nothing more than song lyrics, it's because I'm living through music right now; honestly, it is helping me through everything. I know it sounds stupid, but it's so true.
"So be it, I'm your crowbar,
If that's what I am so far
Until you get out of this mess
And I will pretend that I don't know of your sins
until you are ready to confess
But all the time, I'll know
And you can use my skin to bury secrets in,
and I will settle you down
And at my own suggestion,
I will ask no question
While I do my thing in the background
But all the time, I'll know
Baby- I can't help you out while she is still around.
So for the time being, I'm being patient
And amidst this bitterness,
If you'll just consider this-even if it don't make sense all the time-give it time
And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you've early closed your curtains,
I'll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find
the lines to speak your mind
and pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets too late, for me to wait
for you to find you love me, and tell me so
It's okay, don't need to say it, I know."
perfect....exactly what i feel right now. And also....
"Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
cuz I know I'm the mess he don't want to clean up
I got to fold because these hands are just to shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs
too much to love."
Both by Fiona Apple.
I wish I still had it in me to relay my emotion to paper like that. I used to. I used to be able to understand things that I concepts and feelings that I didn't really even have yet. Empathy is a beautiful thing, it really is; but it seems to fade year by year, the older you get. The more pain you feel (especially regarding matters of the heart) the less you give a shit about the pain others feel. And that's when you've fallen to far, as far as I'm concerned.
Everyday. Everyday I carry that little broken piece inside of me and I try and try to put it back together. But maybe things are meant to fall apart in my hands. Because I swear....i swear....i swear nothing is good anymore. Nothing. And everyday it gets harder and harder for me to believe and keep the faith that someday things might be.
It all comes down to you.
I never thought I'd let somebody get inside my head like that....ever
And I surely never expected to still find such a big place for you in my heart...
it's so empty and hollow now; and I just hope it either fills....or I stop feeling it altogether
And now on to what weighs heavily on my heart this dreary day. Songs make you remember; songs can trigger some feeling you'd like to forget. Also trigger one you want back more than anything. If my next few entries are nothing more than song lyrics, it's because I'm living through music right now; honestly, it is helping me through everything. I know it sounds stupid, but it's so true.
"So be it, I'm your crowbar,
If that's what I am so far
Until you get out of this mess
And I will pretend that I don't know of your sins
until you are ready to confess
But all the time, I'll know
And you can use my skin to bury secrets in,
and I will settle you down
And at my own suggestion,
I will ask no question
While I do my thing in the background
But all the time, I'll know
Baby- I can't help you out while she is still around.
So for the time being, I'm being patient
And amidst this bitterness,
If you'll just consider this-even if it don't make sense all the time-give it time
And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you've early closed your curtains,
I'll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find
the lines to speak your mind
and pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets too late, for me to wait
for you to find you love me, and tell me so
It's okay, don't need to say it, I know."
perfect....exactly what i feel right now. And also....
"Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
cuz I know I'm the mess he don't want to clean up
I got to fold because these hands are just to shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs
too much to love."
Both by Fiona Apple.
I wish I still had it in me to relay my emotion to paper like that. I used to. I used to be able to understand things that I concepts and feelings that I didn't really even have yet. Empathy is a beautiful thing, it really is; but it seems to fade year by year, the older you get. The more pain you feel (especially regarding matters of the heart) the less you give a shit about the pain others feel. And that's when you've fallen to far, as far as I'm concerned.
Everyday. Everyday I carry that little broken piece inside of me and I try and try to put it back together. But maybe things are meant to fall apart in my hands. Because I swear....i swear....i swear nothing is good anymore. Nothing. And everyday it gets harder and harder for me to believe and keep the faith that someday things might be.
It all comes down to you.
I never thought I'd let somebody get inside my head like that....ever
And I surely never expected to still find such a big place for you in my heart...
it's so empty and hollow now; and I just hope it either fills....or I stop feeling it altogether