(no subject)
I haven't really been able to verbalize this to anyone but I guess the simplest way I can put it is: I'm unhappy.
I haven't been happy since I've been home. I was somewhat okay at first but now I'm just depressed and miserable all the time. My mom is always asking why I'm moping around the house with a gloomy expression, not going out, not calling anyone, not answering anyone's phone calls, being lethargic...
I feel like everyone is abandoning me.
For starters, I didn't cope with the death of my grandmother as well I thought. I'm tired of being alone. I'm depressed about the fact that I have nothing I can completely immerse myself in because I'm too much of a dilettante--probably stemming from some undiagnosed form of mild ADD. I am saddened by the lack of encouragement, appreciation, trust, interest, love from my parents. I feel like I'm being penalized for being moderately intelligent, while my sister gets unlimited perks for being average and a total bitch. My dad was basically MIA for 6 years. I have some unattainable idea of the person I want to be and not being able to reach it pains me more and more everyday.
I wish I could right all my wrongs, erase all my mistakes, take the opportunities I missed. I wish I could start over.
But I can't and I know that. I need time to sort through all my thoughts--to push away the bad ones and cling to the good ones. My dreams and goals are too much of a fantasy, I need to readjust and make them more realistic.
For the next few weeks I'm asking that I be left alone. Please don't call me or my house. Please don't IM me. Please don't show up at my house unannounced. I need space. I need to distance myself from everything so that I can make better decisions that aren't swayed by my biases of the moment.
When I'm ready you'll know.
Thanks, and I hope you all will be there with me when everything is resolved.
I haven't been happy since I've been home. I was somewhat okay at first but now I'm just depressed and miserable all the time. My mom is always asking why I'm moping around the house with a gloomy expression, not going out, not calling anyone, not answering anyone's phone calls, being lethargic...
I feel like everyone is abandoning me.
For starters, I didn't cope with the death of my grandmother as well I thought. I'm tired of being alone. I'm depressed about the fact that I have nothing I can completely immerse myself in because I'm too much of a dilettante--probably stemming from some undiagnosed form of mild ADD. I am saddened by the lack of encouragement, appreciation, trust, interest, love from my parents. I feel like I'm being penalized for being moderately intelligent, while my sister gets unlimited perks for being average and a total bitch. My dad was basically MIA for 6 years. I have some unattainable idea of the person I want to be and not being able to reach it pains me more and more everyday.
I wish I could right all my wrongs, erase all my mistakes, take the opportunities I missed. I wish I could start over.
But I can't and I know that. I need time to sort through all my thoughts--to push away the bad ones and cling to the good ones. My dreams and goals are too much of a fantasy, I need to readjust and make them more realistic.
For the next few weeks I'm asking that I be left alone. Please don't call me or my house. Please don't IM me. Please don't show up at my house unannounced. I need space. I need to distance myself from everything so that I can make better decisions that aren't swayed by my biases of the moment.
When I'm ready you'll know.
Thanks, and I hope you all will be there with me when everything is resolved.