Lower Power

[ninaak]

I feel like shit. Ive felt like shit for a few days now. Cant seem to get over it. Its different this time though. Normally when someone is in a good mood or feels like shit it outwardly effects their actions and mannerisms, but not this time. From outward appearance I seem normal, no change, but inwardly I feel miserable. I feel inexorably low in self perception. Not the kind of low that an icecream or time with friends can fix (beleive me Ive tried). Its like I dont feel welcome in my own body. Its like when you look at something and it doesnt look right, but you dont know how or why. Its hard to explain. I know whats causing it, im not gonna say what it is, but it seems like theres nothing I can do about it thus far. Just gotta let it pass.

Now to list off some crap thats buggin me.
I want to videotape myself in everyday interaction with others so I can review it and find my flaws.
I feel very lethargic everyday and it sucks.
I wish I was proud of myself again.
I feel egotistical, arrogant, and annoying.
I wish I could just be alone for awhile.