bleh
heh so this has been the worst month ever...this is going to be condensed since i need to get a shower really badly, so if i sound insensitive to the things that happened its only because im pretty much numbed to the fact that everythings been going wrong.
it all started when matt's dog died...he got really sick all of a sudden and had to be put to sleep, that same day i got hurt at work and in between leaving work and going to the doctors, i had to go see him for the last time before they put him down. it was really upsetting, his whole family was devastated...and his house is so empty without him :*( im gonna cry i miss allie
so thats when it started, what else happened...i cant remember the order really but a lot of bad things happened this month...
my parent's friend's son died, and when my parents friend had to go identify the body she had a massive heart attack.
i found out my car insurance is swtiching up the way they make us pay so now i have to have 1200 bucks in april and the other 300 by may, so in addition to needing that much money really fast my rates went up...thats only for 6 months, my new rate is 3000 a year and it was 2650. cars are money pits dont buy them.
my bank fucked up and after i asked them more than twice to link my savings account to my debit card they still didnt, so i wrote a check for my visa bill and tried to withdraw money from my savings and couldnt because the bank messed up, i had to take 10 bucks out of my checking for gas, and i thought i would get my work paycheck in in time but no, of course not, and the check overdrew by 7 bucks...so then i had to pay $33 to the bank because i had a check bounce and visa charged me $29 because that made my payment late.
i spilled a fucking quart of paint on my rug.
my mom has a cancerous tumor in her breast.
the doctor confirmed that i have endometriosis.
i am majorly sick right now i had to miss work yesterday which means less money, which i need more of.
i got another fucking parking ticket.
i know theres more. i just cant think im taking codeine cough syrup so im all tired.
yeah and cool people who have lives like to complain about my relationship with matt. that actually doesnt make me mad its just like dude, fucking leave me alone, i havent done shit to you...i love it im a pretty nice fucking person yet i always manage to get these people to hate me. whatever i cant do anything but be myself.
...so the bank thing i had to go there and fight them on it, i got my money back, and today i called visa and told them my bank admitted they fucked up so visa took my late charge away, so thats better, but alex is still gone, people i know are still dying, i still have endometriosis, and my mom still has cancer.
so i dont really know what to do with myself right now, im just trying to act like everything's ok. my mom is handling stuff pretty well but im like...trying to act like im ok and im just really overwhelmed with all this stuff between needing all this money for shit and school getting so hard and my mom, i dont even know what to say about that, i never ever thought it would happen. its scary and i dont know what to do. and with me, who knows, all i know is im in pain every day and i might not be able to even fucking have kids but i cant even worry about myself right now because im too worried about everyone else.
im like trying not to get all depressed because i dont want to go back to being all shitty all the time, but every day something else happens and im just like buried under this stuff. matt is really helping me deal witht his stuff but i know im like holding back and i just keep trying to push on and work harder on everything im doing to ignore it....he knows what im doing, and im glad he gets me to face things, but i dont want to face a lot of it right now, i want to hibernate until everything gets better.
whatever, this is how it goes i guess.
it all started when matt's dog died...he got really sick all of a sudden and had to be put to sleep, that same day i got hurt at work and in between leaving work and going to the doctors, i had to go see him for the last time before they put him down. it was really upsetting, his whole family was devastated...and his house is so empty without him :*( im gonna cry i miss allie
so thats when it started, what else happened...i cant remember the order really but a lot of bad things happened this month...
my parent's friend's son died, and when my parents friend had to go identify the body she had a massive heart attack.
i found out my car insurance is swtiching up the way they make us pay so now i have to have 1200 bucks in april and the other 300 by may, so in addition to needing that much money really fast my rates went up...thats only for 6 months, my new rate is 3000 a year and it was 2650. cars are money pits dont buy them.
my bank fucked up and after i asked them more than twice to link my savings account to my debit card they still didnt, so i wrote a check for my visa bill and tried to withdraw money from my savings and couldnt because the bank messed up, i had to take 10 bucks out of my checking for gas, and i thought i would get my work paycheck in in time but no, of course not, and the check overdrew by 7 bucks...so then i had to pay $33 to the bank because i had a check bounce and visa charged me $29 because that made my payment late.
i spilled a fucking quart of paint on my rug.
my mom has a cancerous tumor in her breast.
the doctor confirmed that i have endometriosis.
i am majorly sick right now i had to miss work yesterday which means less money, which i need more of.
i got another fucking parking ticket.
i know theres more. i just cant think im taking codeine cough syrup so im all tired.
yeah and cool people who have lives like to complain about my relationship with matt. that actually doesnt make me mad its just like dude, fucking leave me alone, i havent done shit to you...i love it im a pretty nice fucking person yet i always manage to get these people to hate me. whatever i cant do anything but be myself.
...so the bank thing i had to go there and fight them on it, i got my money back, and today i called visa and told them my bank admitted they fucked up so visa took my late charge away, so thats better, but alex is still gone, people i know are still dying, i still have endometriosis, and my mom still has cancer.
so i dont really know what to do with myself right now, im just trying to act like everything's ok. my mom is handling stuff pretty well but im like...trying to act like im ok and im just really overwhelmed with all this stuff between needing all this money for shit and school getting so hard and my mom, i dont even know what to say about that, i never ever thought it would happen. its scary and i dont know what to do. and with me, who knows, all i know is im in pain every day and i might not be able to even fucking have kids but i cant even worry about myself right now because im too worried about everyone else.
im like trying not to get all depressed because i dont want to go back to being all shitty all the time, but every day something else happens and im just like buried under this stuff. matt is really helping me deal witht his stuff but i know im like holding back and i just keep trying to push on and work harder on everything im doing to ignore it....he knows what im doing, and im glad he gets me to face things, but i dont want to face a lot of it right now, i want to hibernate until everything gets better.
whatever, this is how it goes i guess.